Karl Rove has officially resigned his position at the White House, but claims he's not about to leave politics. And that's making the Democrats very nervous. According to former Al Gore strategist Donna Brazile (whose name is clearly made up) Rove's next move will be to help the GOP prepare for the 2008 election:
"Karl outside the White House is more dangerous to Democrats than Karl inside the White House."
And once again it's on. Less than a day ago, the Democratic opposition was cheering Rove's departure. But, like Clarice Starling at the end of "The Silence of the Lambs," they knew they couldn't celebrate long because their blubbery Dr. Lecter would be back.
Though his title was "Deputy Chief of Staff," Rove played a much larger role, which accounts for his nickname, "Bush's Brain." (Detailed accounts can be found here and here.) To just about every American who loves Jon Stewart, NPR, Macs, and overpriced coffee, Karl Rove was a diabolical genius and their party powerless in the face of his dark magic. When something went right for Bush, Rove was behind it. When something went wrong for Bush, don't celebrate too soon -- it's probably some kind of trick by that damn Rove!
Rove is gone, but the Democrats can't rest, nor can the hipster metrosexual fancy-cheese-loving contingent of their base.
Rove Projected: How Karl Rove Will Continue to Ruin Your Life (Yes, You Personally)
February 2008: Rove creates a virus that infects iPhones, disabling the "sent from my iPhone" signature.
August 2008: Rove breaks up The Arcade Fire.
October 2008: Moby appears at a moveon.org "Vigil for the Constitution" wearing a t-shirt that reads "MOBY FOR MITT." The incident is never investigated because no one can remember who Moby is.
January 2009: Rove corners the Chai market, driving up prices 300 percent.
February 2009: Rove becomes Editor in Chief of McSweeney's, and begins publishing fiction that is neither quirky nor particularly experimental.
March 2009: Rove impregnates Maggie Gyllenhaal.
April 2009: The only act at the 2009 Coachella Music Festival? "MC Rove."