According to the principal deputy director of national "intelligence" (ooh, good one, Aaron. Good one), Donald Kerr, Americans need to redefine their definition of privacy. All right, this might not be the most disturbing thing that I've read today, but--wait, yes it is.
Redefine our definition of privacy? In the words of Quantum Leaper Sam Beckett, "Oh boy." This seems troubling in many ways...especially to my friends and co-workers, because right now I'm thinking that my new "definition of privacy" AIN'T GONNA INCLUDE PANTS. Have a nice long look at my civil disobedience, federal government! How's that feel? No, I'm not sure if that's a rash or what--yeah, I thought you might want to rethink your comments.
"Privacy no longer can mean anonymity," Kerr says, arguing that, instead, the "government should properly safeguard people's private communications and financial information." Okay...let's see. Where to begin? What makes Kerr think that the government can safeguard information? Has he ever heard of Valerie Plame? Or Mark "Deep Throat but not in the sexy way" Felt? The federal government has more leakage than my grandma after a night of Wild Turkey and Taco Bell! I mean, if the Feds have my personal information, I could get outed as a covert CIA operative and publicly humiliated! If a private business like MySpace has my personal info, the worst that'll happen is that I'll just get a lot of big penis emails... And come on, some of those are pretty funny. I mean, they are if you're packing the amount of "civil disobedience" that I am. OH SNAPS.
I guess I shouldn't be too worried--after all, history has shown us that people like Donald Kerr who usually think that they have nothing to hide ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST TO HIDE. Gary Hart, Richard Curtis, that chick from The Crying Game...be careful what you wish for, Donald. Less privacy means that people will almost certainly find out who's been posting all those suggestive comments on the Star Wars forums under the screen name "Kerrbacca68." Just a warning, buddy.