08/10/2010 12:02 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Gloria Allred Does It Again

Gloria Allred, freedom fighter for all the single ladies, all the single ladies, has done it again. She was the lawyer on the case of real estate/actress Jodie Fisher, who was entangled with Mark Hurd, CEO of HP, the world's largest tech conglomerate. Hurd resigned abruptly on Friday as a result of this case after paying off Little Miss Muffet, who in turn will cough up like 50% of her winnings to Madam Allred. I could just hear how that negotiation went down.


ALLRED: OK, Markie Mark, let's cut to the chase. What ya' gonna do for Ms. Fisher?
MARK: You have nothing on me. I'll see you in court.
JODIE: Well, there was that dinner after the Wichita Executive Summit.
MARK: I took you to dinner after you started crying about how hard it is to raise a kid alone and that these events didn't happen often enough.
ALLRED: Stop badgering my client and talk directly to me from this point forward, buster.
MARK: OK, I took her to dinner after she started crying about how hard it is to raise a kid alone and that these events didn't happen often enough.
ALLRED: Well, why don't they happen more often.
MARK: I don't know. Take that up with the Marketing Department.
JODIE: You did put your hand on my shoulder.
MARK: You were sobbing uncontrollably and heaving, I thought I would have to do the Heimlich Maneuver.
ALLRED: To me, to me.
MARK: She was a total mess and couldn't get over being booted off that show Age of Love on day one. She kept saying how hot Mark Consuelos was.
ALLRED: That's circumstantial evidence.
MARK: What are you even talking about.
ALLRED: My sources tell me that your book-keeping is shoddy and you better cough up some dough or I will take this as far as the Supreme Court.
JODIE: Well, I don't want Mark to lose his job or anythiing, He has been nothing but kind to me.
ALLRED: Shut up you stupid broad. Never say that ever again.
MARK: You have nothing on me.
ALLRED: I have enough of a publicity machine behind me to make your life a living hell.
JODIE: But, but...
MARK: Jodie, help me out here. I did what I could to help you out. Is this the thanks I get?
ALLRED: That's it, you have badgered her enough. Let's go, Jodie.
MARK: I'm not afraid of you, Allred.
ALLRED: You should be. (Turns before she exits) Now, what say you start writing a check and don't make it for less than a million dollars, I need a long vacation after listening to all of Tiger Woods' hookers.