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Abe Gurko

Abe Gurko

Posted: August 9, 2010 10:19 AM

Gloria Allred Does It Again

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Gloria Allred, freedom fighter for all the single ladies, all the single ladies, has done it again. She was the lawyer on the case of real estate/actress Jodie Fisher, who was entangled with Mark Hurd, CEO of HP, the world's largest tech conglomerate. Hurd resigned abruptly on Friday as a result of this case after paying off Little Miss Muffet, who in turn will cough up like 50% of her winnings to Madam Allred. I could just hear how that negotiation went down.

INT. MARK HURD'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON

ALLRED: OK, Markie Mark, let's cut to the chase. What ya' gonna do for Ms. Fisher?
MARK: You have nothing on me. I'll see you in court.
JODIE: Well, there was that dinner after the Wichita Executive Summit.
MARK: I took you to dinner after you started crying about how hard it is to raise a kid alone and that these events didn't happen often enough.
ALLRED: Stop badgering my client and talk directly to me from this point forward, buster.
MARK: OK, I took her to dinner after she started crying about how hard it is to raise a kid alone and that these events didn't happen often enough.
ALLRED: Well, why don't they happen more often.
MARK: I don't know. Take that up with the Marketing Department.
JODIE: You did put your hand on my shoulder.
MARK: You were sobbing uncontrollably and heaving, I thought I would have to do the Heimlich Maneuver.
ALLRED: To me, to me.
MARK: She was a total mess and couldn't get over being booted off that show Age of Love on day one. She kept saying how hot Mark Consuelos was.
ALLRED: That's circumstantial evidence.
MARK: What are you even talking about.
ALLRED: My sources tell me that your book-keeping is shoddy and you better cough up some dough or I will take this as far as the Supreme Court.
JODIE: Well, I don't want Mark to lose his job or anythiing, He has been nothing but kind to me.
ALLRED: Shut up you stupid broad. Never say that ever again.
MARK: You have nothing on me.
ALLRED: I have enough of a publicity machine behind me to make your life a living hell.
JODIE: But, but...
MARK: Jodie, help me out here. I did what I could to help you out. Is this the thanks I get?
ALLRED: That's it, you have badgered her enough. Let's go, Jodie.
MARK: I'm not afraid of you, Allred.
ALLRED: You should be. (Turns before she exits) Now, what say you start writing a check and don't make it for less than a million dollars, I need a long vacation after listening to all of Tiger Woods' hookers.

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