Yesterday, I announced my newest nominee for Gross Baboon of the Year with the news of Jesse James and his uber-skank Michelle "Bombshell" McGee (a.k.a. Skanky McGee, in my book). But the competition continues to be fierce for that award. Today, it's all about Joslyn James, from the quorum of bosomy broads who diddled with Tiger Woods' doodle...or is it doodled with his diddle. Actually, neither, if you go by the salacious texts that poor, little victim of poontang, Joslyn endured...then released to the media...really?!? Who can feel sorry for anyone that makes choices with open eyes and hires someone like Gloria Allred. What on God's green Earth is she doing at all of these hooker-with-a-heart-of-green press conferences? Is Gloria Allred their madam...or what?
(Madam) Gloria Allred is always where the "action" is...just sayin'...
It surely is shaping up to be a year of surprises. The Oscars honored a Razzie Winner, America's Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, while also acknowledging fat people, Gabourey Sidibe. We watched the Tiger Woods scandal unfold then proceed to monopolize the airwaves. We wondered what on Earth did Brooke Mueller say to Charlie Sheen that fateful Christmas morning that made him put a knife to her throat. Seems as though controversy never ends and there are people that show up in the media for being...well...skanky...think Rielle Hunter. As a result, I Mean...What?!? created a new award, Gross Baboon of the Year, honoring those who throw themselves into the fray of controversy, and the laps of married men, surely for personal reasons and not for "love". My friend Sarah Symonds would naturally, and rightfully so, has made it her mission to point out the horrendosity of the men in these cases, and I thoroughly concur. I, however, have chosen to acknowledge the Gross Baboons in these affairs and give out awards. I will let Sarah do her very good work at trashing the Jesse James' and Tiger Woods' of the world, while I focus on the bitches. It makes for better copy anyway. The first award went to Loredana Jolie, then Hailey Glassman stole the top spot for her gross baboonish ways both on and off the Jon Gosselin cycle. Rachel Uchitel was a clear favorite as well. (Jon Gosselin, for the record, is the original Gross Baboon and for whom the award was named.) Nominees abound with, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee. Yes, she is a distant relative of Yowza McGee (see below). Michelle zoomed in on the kill with Jesse James, when you read how that relationship unfolded. And when I say kill, I mean kill two birds with one stone:
Bird 1: With Jesse, the lumbering well-endowed ox, she gets the great roll in the hay.
Bird 2: With a scandal of this magnitude this will surely up her Google rating.
Each nominee and winner of the GBOTY award proves my bigger point that, "Illicit Sex: The Stepping Stone to a Media Career". (Quick, good read on Huffington Post.) Herewith are the aforementioned lovelies. Feel free to email me your choice for Gross Baboon of the Year.
Move over Michelle Bombshell McGee, Joslyn James wants the crown.
Hailey Glassman...past recipient.
The Queen of the Gross Baboons.
Rielle Hunter is grosser than a Gross Baboon.
Laura Bush was dubbed Yowza McGee in Fresh Cheeks*.
Michelle Bombshell McGee shows the McGee family resemblance?