So you just graduated. Congratulations! Welcome to being a freshman in the real world. I'm sure you have a million questions, like "WTF is FICA?" and "Will I have to do this whole laundry thing for the rest of my life?"
As someone who just wrapped up her first year out of college, I have noticed a few glaring omissions from the "How To Be A Grown-Ass Adult" manual. Here are 13 truths I've discovered during my first year of the grown-up grind.
1. Your liberal arts degree means nothing.
College is all about finding your passion. But unless your undergraduate passion was private wealth management, you shouldn't count on joining the ranks of the employed immediately.
2. Entry-level positions are a trap.
You need two years of experience to get any entry-level position, but you'll never get two years of experience unless you get an entry-level position. Vicious circle, party of one!
3. You don't have any appropriate work clothes.
Bye, crop tops. Miss you.
4. You will face rejection. Over and over and over again.
You will lose out on jobs that you are perfectly qualified for. Your apartment application will be rejected. People will swipe left on you. It's a tough world out there, kiddo.
5. You will think, quite seriously and on more than one occasion, "I want my mommy."
Because she's an angel sent from heaven bearing clean laundry and baked goods. WHY DID YOU EVER LEAVE HER?
6. Your birthday and Christmas lists will quickly morph into requests for pricey home goods.
Remember the good old days when you used to get new shoes and concert tickets? Scratch that stuff off the list, because it's time for a new AC unit!
7. You will need to invest in a toolbox.
As Thor and Bob the Builder taught us, every grown-up needs a good hammer.
8. Brunch will become both your greatest joy and your worst nightmare.
Eggs, bacon, booze? Yes please. Splitting the check between eight drunk friends? No thank you. Speaking of which...
9. Drinking in the real world is no classier than drinking in college.
It only takes a few overpriced happy hours before you're back to chugging Two-Buck Chuck in your bedroom.
10. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot survive on omelets.
To be fair, your parents have probably mentioned this before. But you won't realize how true it is until you've eaten nothing but eggs for a week.
11. Your apartment will not look like a Pinterest-perfect paradise.
Say goodbye to your dreams of ombré painted walls and Mason jar chandeliers. Consider yourself lucky if you get your mattress off the floor.
12. You may have to kill
a few a lot of bugs.
The bugs are coming for you, and they will destroy everything you hold dear. You must be ruthless.
13. You will become stronger, smarter and fiercer than you ever thought possible.
Even if you subsist on Easy Mac and live in a shoebox, you will be running your own damn life. It's scary, sure, but also incredibly empowering.