We are not trained professionals when it comes to negotiating for what we want. No matter if it's asking for a raise, buying a car, getting more credit for your ideas, setting limits for your staff or even setting limits for your kids. Not understanding the process makes us stupid. And being stupid means we lose what we might have had.
The first step to successful negotiating is realizing that you're worthy, and that it's not only OK to ask for something, but it's an essential process in life. Women often don't know this and as a result, pay more for things, get paid less, and get less than they deserve or want.
The second step is getting over our distaste for it. Most of us hate the thought of negotiating and avoid it at all costs. But we can't afford to avoid to ignore learning how to. Accept that this is a transaction -- a necessary and established social game in which two or more parties stake out what they want and come to some compromise. Compromise doesn't have to mean getting half of what you want or giving up too much of what we want. While we are never in a life-and-death scenario, we often feel that it's all or nothing. But treating a negotiation like a zero-sum game means certain death of a transaction.
Here are the keys to becoming a successful negotiator.
- The Opening: This is not a begging session, nor is it demeaning to ask for what you want. It's an honorable exchange. However, don't come in making unreasonable demands. Keep in mind that this is a give and take, and keep it respectful. Signal your intention to get what you want, but be prepared to offer something in return.
Here are four different examples from daily life:
- If you want a raise and there's no available budget for it, ask for something they can give and have given to others who have asked -- a promotion with a prorated raise. Or if that doesn't work, request other benefits that others have gotten as well that lie outside pure salary -- training, flex time, more responsibility and working on more of what interests you are good starting points. Remember that you have to keep proving that you are already doing more to deserve a raise and promotion. Keeping weekly documents of your outstanding work helps you to spur your memory and strengthen your requests for more pay during the year.
Practice makes you better, more even-tempered and satisfied. It will ready you to tackle larger, more complicated negotiations at work and in life. What have you got to lose?
Make your luck happen!
Dr. Adele
Author of Skills for Success and Launch Your Career in College