I am conducting a series of interviews about people who have or are going through divorce. In the coming months we will meet with each interviewee again and share with you how their lives and outlook has changed since our first interview with them. My hope is for every individual story to touch someone who is going through the journey of divorce so they may find a common thread that will help them take one step further into the light that awaits them.
Interviewee:
David Bridges: David is a 45 year old Real Estate Executive who resides in Napa Valley, California. He was married for 13 years and his divorce lasted (51 months) over four years finalizing this past September. He has an 18 year old son and a 13 year old daughter he is co-parenting with his ex-wife. Being one year out of his divorce he shares his current state of mind and how he see's his future.
Agi Smith (AS): What stage in the world of divorce are you in; denial, self-reflection, attack mode, acceptance and peace?
DB: I am very accepting of where I am now.
AS: What have you found to be the most difficult part of divorce?
DB: The affect it had on my kids and the loss and manipulation of our kids in a way that I never would have guessed. Brutal.
AS: Have any parts of divorce been unexpectedly easy?
DB: No. Nothing has been easy everything has been a fight. The custody situation, after having spent tens of thousands of dollars fighting for custody we got exactly what I had proposed on day one when it would have been free. One of the reasons this hung out so long was the initial request for support, which was based on ridiculous numbers. The numbers were based on real estate sales back in the hey day and the expectation was to get something that wasn't even practical. It was a fishing expedition.
AS: Do you believe in marriage?
DB: Very much so. It's with finding the right partner and building something together and if the level of commitment is there I am a firm believer.
AS: Are you the same person today as the day you were married?
DB: Ya, pretty much. I may have more reality shocked into me but I am pretty much the same person.
AS: What is your 'funny' in this process?
DB: Funny? Hmmm, I try and keep things light in my outlook. So, I found humor in a number of areas. When we would roll into court I would always try and keep a civil relationship with my ex and sometimes it was very funny how I would try to talk and communicate like normal with her and her parents and I found it funny that it couldn't be done. It was an ironic humor, like life.
AS: Name one element you miss about being married.
DB: It relates to the family unit. The children and the 'Beaver Cleaver' 1950's image with all of us sitting together and watching American Idol and piled into one chair.
AS: What is your favorite part about being unmarried?
DB: It's my life, it's my world.
AS: If you could do it all over again - your marriage - would you?
DB: Because the byproducts of that marriage were my kids I would definitely do it again. I might have made some different choices early on. I have two great kids that came out of it so I have no real complaints.
AS: What is the 'take away' from your marriage?
DB: We have a short time here on the pebble. Our lives are short and I wouldn't tell anyone to just give up but I would remind them we have a responsibility to ourselves. God gave us one life and you should make the most of it and find happiness. Don't be bogged down.
AS: Do you remember when you first fell in love?
DB: I think I do. I was a freshman in college and I was smitten with a gal I'd see in my class every day. One thing led to another and I got invited out to her house and she lived on the beach. We were walking along the beach in the rain. I remember thinking 'this is pretty perfect.' I was young that was kid stuff.
AS: Do you want love in your life again?
DB: Oh, absolutely! I feel very fortunate to have it now and I want to nurture it and keep it as something precious.
If you believe you are a good candidate for us to interview for our Divorce Questionnaire, please email us a short paragraph letting us know why: agismith@comcast.net