"How do I end my relationship? It just feels impossible and I'm so confused!"
This question pops up in my inbox all the time from women who feel in their gut that their relationship is over, but don't know exactly how to walk away. Today, I'm going to be incredibly blunt and tell you the answer:
That's it. There is no formula to breaking up with someone. Nothing anyone says will make you feel more ready to deal with the pain of a breakup. You can talk it over with your friends, you can talk it over with your partner, and you can talk it over with me, but eventually, you'll learn that none of us have the magic words to make any of this easier.
At the end of the day, you're going to have to just do it. In the best way you see fit.
I understand your hesitation and I know it will be hard. I've been there. In fact, most of us have been there. Breakups are painful, uncomfortable and awkward. And they're rarely convenient.
You may have a lot of logistics to sort through first. If you live together, you'll need to find a new place to live. If kids are involved, you'll have to deal with custody issues. Money may be tight, his birthday might be coming up and you may feel guilty because you just celebrated five years together. Surely, you should take the time you need to figure these situations out.
If you're holding on for other reasons, like fear, you might just be avoiding the inevitable. Chances are, you're not going to wake up one morning thinking, Wow! I'm finally feeling good about ending my relationship today! Let's do this! If you're waiting until you feel good and ready to break your partner's heart (and potentially your own), you'll likely be waiting a long time.
And the longer you wait, the harder it will be.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't wait. I absolutely mean it when I tell women to take as much time as they need before ending a relationship. Breaking up is a personal decision between you and your partner, so no one else should make you feel pressured or silly while you're deliberating your options.
I just want you to know that if your mind is constantly thinking about whether you should stay or go, your heart probably isn't 100% in it. And if your heart isn't in your relationship, where is it?
Because maybe that's where the rest of you needs to be too.
Look, this is your life. You get to choose your own adventure. I know that might feel scary to think about, especially if you're worried about choosing the wrong adventure. But trust me, as long as you're listening your intuition, you won't. Your intuition is trustworthy. And if it's telling you to "just do it," you can bet your bottom dollar there's a good reason why.
Stop waiting for the clouds to part with some magical revelation and instead of waiting until you feel confident, focus on building confidence. How do you do that? By understanding that you'll need a sufficient amount of time and practice after diving into something new, like a breakup, before you fully adjust.
Then, you just do it. That's the first step. You don't need to know all the other steps. Seek support and care for yourself, and everything else will fall into place. At first, it won't be easy and it won't feel good either. But if you keep moving forward, through the pain, you'll eventually end up exactly where you're supposed to.
But in order to get there, you've got to take the first step.
Originally posted on akirahrobinson.com. If you are struggling in a relationship, healing from a breakup, or experiencing a long bout of singleness, check out Akirah's new book, Respected: How One Word Can Change More Than Just Your Love Life.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.