image: Javier Ruiz via Graphic River
You and your divorce settlement agreement. The newest BFFs on the block.
If you're been through a divorce and are still connected to your ex in some way (business, kids, real estate, etc), finding that delicate balance of moving forward while being cordial can be challenging.
When things seem fine between you, you may even be inclined to exhibit some good will behavior by helping each other out or doing things in good faith that are not required of you by the divorce settlement agreement.
However, if your relationship becomes strained and you no longer want to extend certain courtesies, the terms of your Divorce Settlement Agreement always prevail. You are not setting a precedent simply because you did a favor and it's perceived by your ex as a change in your divorce agreement terms.
So if and when you hear, "you've set a precedent so it must continue," your response should simply be, "the divorce settlement agreement prevails, there is no precedence." Just shut it down.
You must have a full understanding of your divorce settlement agreement.
Chances are it'll become your voice of reason and your best friend for some time to come. This is why it is so important that you are an active voice when it's being drafted by your attorney and that you have a full understanding of its meaning by the time you signed.
Believe me, one word in a sentence can mean either winning or losing an argument.
When it's being reviewed with you, ask questions if you don't understand something. Challenge the way something is being written if you see a possible loophole. Don't simply assume that your lawyer is smarter than you.
Of course your divorce attorney knows the laws and how to write things out legally, but only you know your ex, your situation and the dynamics of how you deal with each other.
The reason you need to have a firm understanding of your divorce settlement agreement is so that you can present your position on potential future disputes with full support of what you both legally agreed to.
Additionally, if you still are at a standoff on a matter and it requires the involvement of the Courts, if you confidently understand your divorce agreement, you can represent yourself and not spend thousands to have your attorney to do it for you.
During a dispute, a judge isn't there to change your divorce agreement. A judge is there to uphold a legal contract.
That's why it's so important that you understand everything in it. Follow what you agreed to and you should be fine.
If you have any matters tying you to your ex for any period of time and there are legal disputes, you could end up spending as much or more on legal fees post divorce as you did to get divorced.
I'm not suggesting that every matter can or should be handled without a lawyer, but what I am saying is that if you leave the marriage with a solid understanding of each topic and the legal language written to protect you from disputes, there will be matters that you could consider handling on your own.
If you have the slightest doubt in your ability to handle legal matters on your own, then get legal advice immediately.
Here's the bottom line though. You've just paid handsomely for a divorce agreement that is designed to protect both parties. It's a legally binding contract that is accepted and signed by both of you. If you're smart, in both good times and in bad, you will never deviate from it!
Even if by doing so it's better for you. Even if you want to build a better rapport with your ex. Even if you want things to feel normal again. Even if... well, I could go on but you get the picture.
Always stick to your divorce settlement agreement and you will save yourself from a lot of grief.
Has your ex tried to alter your divorce agreement? Tell us how in the comments below.
Al writes more about divorce on his blog, Divorce Candor
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.