GOP: R.I.P.

The Republican Party, America's second oldest political party and a force in American politics and government since the time of Abraham Lincoln, died on March 1. It was 155 years old.

Death apparently resulted from injuries suffered during a violent mugging by 67 millions voters last November, when Illinois Democrat Barack Obama handily defeated Arizona Republican John McCain and Democrats increased their majorities in both the House and Senate.

However, police did not rule out the possibility of suicide. Washington, D.C. Police Chief Kathy Lanier cited numerous reports that the victim had been severely depressed in recent months after suffering its worst defeat since 1964, when another GOP candidate from Arizona, Barry Goldwater, lost in a landside to President Lyndon Johnson.

Chief Lanier said the Grand Old Party's battered body was found in an alley next to the Omni Sheraton Hotel in Washington, D.C., where the victim was attending a Conservative Political Action Committee conference, after hearing a bleak forecast of its future by congressional leaders and conservative talk show hosts.

The time of death was uncertain, but Lanier said it probably occurred shortly after several witnesses heard the victim declare, "If Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Ron Paul represent my future, I'll kill myself."

Nevertheless, Lanier said she is investigating evidence of possible foul play following a tip that two top Democrats, House Speaker Nancy "Women Can Play Hardball Too" Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry "High Roller from Vegas" Reid, and Obama White House chief of staff, Rahm "Don't Take It Personally, It's Just Business" Emanuel, were seen making threatening gestures toward the victim in recent weeks.

Lanier also said two top Republicans, House Minority Leader John "Tom DeLay Taught Me Everything I Know" Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch "At Least We Carried Kentucky" McConnell, are considered possible suspects because of their grudging support for GOP presidential candidate John McCain and his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

"There are a lot of potential suspects who wished the victim ill will," she declared.

Lanier said she plans to interrogate former White House political adviser Karl Rove; former House Speaker Newt Gingrich; New York Times columnist David Brooks, anti-taxation champion Grover Norquist and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. "All of them had their own reasons for wanting McCain to lose."

But Lanier ruled out President Bush as a suspect, even though his low approval ratings proved to be an albatross around McCain's neck and that of other Republican candidates. "He obviously didn't help, but he had his own legacy to worry about."

Boehner, while denying that he or his House colleagues had anything to do with the victim's demise, said he was not surprised that Obama carried his own state of Ohio by a 51-47 percent margin.

"From Chillecothe to Cleveland, Obama was seen as the agent of change while McCain was seen as an old guy without any fresh ideas who would have served Bush's third term," Boehner said. "He was like Woody Hayes without a running game."

McConnell was even more critical. "In Kentucky, we have a saying that it's the jockey, not the horse, that wins or loses a race. I think we just had the wrong jockey."

Other Republican leaders were equally downcast after the GOP lost the White House, which it had held for 20 of the last 28 years, and control of Congress, which it held from 1995 to 2006.

"Ronald Reagan must be turning over in his grave," said David Keene, chairman of the American Conservative Union, which sponsored the three-day conference to explore ways of leading conservatives out of the wilderness. "But the American people will soon discover that Obama is no FDR or JFK, but a 21st century reincarnation of Marx and Lenin who is determined to lead the nation down the path of socialism."

Funeral services will be held on Wall Street next week.

Comments

[izabanchi]

Speaking of Fictional characters from Hollywood when referring to the Republican Party is more delussional posturing on the part of the party currently represented by the most individuals in office. This is not the first time the Democrats have tried to convince the world that the Republicans have been defeated for all time and it won't be the last. You can delude yourself if you want to but if Barrack Obama starts attacking core beliefs of the Republican Party then the people will come together and produce a Politician that everyone in the party can get behind and the Messiah will be out the door in 2012. If he expects to have two terms then he had better moderate some of his stances so that he doesn't piss off the people who thought John McCain was too center of the road for them to get behind him. Obama didn't win because he was the best possible candidate but because the Republican Party while we respect John McCains war service didn't think he was the optimal candidate. I voted for McCain but only because I really didn't think your candidate had anything going for him and I refused to just lay down and roll over. Now that Obama is the President I will support his Policies as long as they benefit the United States and aren't contrary to the Constitution. It would have been the appropriate thing for you to do while Bush was in office but it didn't happen.

[glaze]

A second, DIFFERENT political party is necessary for this representative democracy to be viable.
It doesn't have to strive to be the OPPOSITE of the Democratic Party, as the (R word) does. It COULD be actually fiscally and patriotically responsible, and help foster justice based on intelligence and fairness. And it can't come about too soon.

[tomterif]

Oh, please, you'd think that from even quite recent political history "major misapprehensions", that [both amateur and professional] political historians would've learned by now to TOTALLY SWEAR OFF THESE [not merely totally premature, but ALWAYS totally erroneous !] "obituaries" of either of the two major parties, which are ALWAYS merely entirely a product of the "party on top" 's feverish "wishful thinking" imaginations.

Look at when John Kerry "flopped !", a mere 4+ years ago, against a not at all popular George Bush, and there was still a Republican Congress, and people all over the place were wondering aloud "Will there EVER be another Democratic President again ?!" and all of 2 years later we had a totally Democratic House/Senate, and 2 years later, only 4 years after John Kerry's flop, it's "President Barack Obama"t. So go figure !

And this phenomenon works for both parties, of couse !

In 1964, Barry Goldwater, a TRUE Conservative lost to LBJ in the biggest popular landslide since 1820 ! The GOP "total obituaries" then were INNUMERABLE !

Four years later... [an also quite Conservative] Richard Nixon !

"People will vote their pocketbooks" in 2012, and especially since the GOP bailed on the Stimulus, it'll be "Obama's economy !" then, and if it "sucks !" in 3 years, and the GOP nominates, say, Mitt Romney [who peope think "knows something about money"], then look for even present Dem "true believers" to vote Romney, in 2012, IN THE DROVES !

[cyberbian]

Smart would be for Obama to set rules in motion while he can, which would preclude the rebirth of this party under another name. It is time for a few new parties, which have values, to come to the fore front. They must be given the chance to be born and mature.

The few power brokers which ran that party to the ground need to be shut out for the sake of the nation. They've had more than their turn and look how they have treated America.

[BUZZARDSTKE]

They are right where they are supposed to be.....THEIR TIME IS OVER!!!! A SHIFT HAS TAKEN PLACE....WE ARE IN THE 21ST CTRY.....THE FACE OF AMERICA IS NO LONGER RICH, AND WHITE.....WE ARE A MULTICULTURAL CTRY.....PERIOD!!



BUZZARDSTKE

[lisakaz2]

I hope you're right. Those ppl are soooo delusional, we can only hope that they become obsolete -- and fast.

[jeanwny]

You are so on the money, and I will continue to ask , what is it about the last two elections do they not understand?

[lisakaz2]

Theyt expect Diebold will save 'em?

[twisted-european]

The Reps have no plan and/or vision. Unfortunately, they won't rest nor be peaceful but annoying. Fortunately, though, there's a bunch of people in the White House who will rise to the occasion. What a relief!

[UNCLEJOE]

As defeated as the Republican Party appears at this point, they are still a very venomous multi-headed monster, with CEO heads in the controlling sectors of our government:

Nathan Rothschild, the leading international Banking House once said, 'Give me control of a countries Monetary System, and I will control that country'; the House of Rothschild along with its lackey representative US Bank, JP Morgan Chase own controlling stock in a private consortium, the Federal Reserve System (Fed);

The second most powerful head is the communications system; T.V., Cable TV, Radio giant Limbaugh and the Murdock syndicated journals are owned and run by another foreigner, Murrdock;

The third most venomous head is the major consortiums, Hallibiurton and Bectal that are so powerful that the can get Non-bidding contract to run the logistics of our wars in the un-regulated-costs in the Trillions at tax payers expense.

There are other dei-hard Republicans that are infested in our government that will rise like an evil Phenix in the future to continue their carnivorous feast frenzy on the Middle and Working Class.

We must not be overconfident; The enemy has revealed itself in the past Bush eight year calamity that has brought this country and the world to its financial knees.

We will never begin to be economically & politically safe, until we cut off the prime head of the Monster, the Federal Reserve System by Nationalizing our Monetary System in concert with our Constitution's Article One Section Eight.

[digitalprophet]

Yeah, splinter cells are even scarier to think about..

It will take time, but these demons have been brought to the light.. We can finally tackle the 21st century with some confidence.

[paixa3]

In relation to your last sentence; only if President Obama and Congress have the ba!!s to do it........­.........s­o far, they do not have them.

[MinouX]

My goodness! Speaking of venom, you would do better than a bronze medal.

[AirForce Vet]

Al,

This was an excellent description of a party’s implosion. They don’t possess the mental aptitude to understand that they are committing their own political suicide. What’s so sad about this occasion is the fact that it was preventable.

May they R.I.P.

[MPeter]

This is just so beautifully done. I enjoyed it immensely. Thank You.

[widestancepinkelephants]

Losers one and all. Children pretending to be semi-grown ups. RIP the small minded party of shame.

[KakoPaidi]

If any more red-state congressmen whine about "socialism", I am going to explode. They don't seem to mind when the subsidies come their way. Want to dismantle socialism? Good. Let's start with farm subsidies. Right now farm states are subsidized to overproduce sugar (and other nasties) that are incorporated by manufacturers as cheap fillers in our food supply, causing the epidemic of obesity and diabtes that we see everywhere. So much for the rough-and-tumble pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.

[fiberoptimist]

Zombies never die.

[23000Days]

"Funeral services will be held on Wall Street next week."

Prophetic, considering today's dow, gld, oil, etc..