How George W. Can Get His Groove Back

MEMORANDUM

TO: GWB

FROM: Turdblossom

SUBJECT: Your Legacy

Mr. President, I know I'm no longer on your payroll, but you said when I stepped down that you still value my advice, so here it is. Besides, I'm bored with telling corporate clients how to lobby Congress and losers like Fred Thompson who think I can do for them what I did for you, which, in all modesty, is put them in the White House.

Anyway, here's how I think you can overcome your dismal public approval ratings and stiffen the spines of Nervous Nellies like Brent Scowcroft and Jim Baker - can't your old man keep them quiet? We both know you've bet the whole taco stand on the war in Iraq, but that's like hoping the Texas Rangers would win the World Series. Even Laura knows the surge is a dry well that ain't gonna produce, and the Middle East peace talks that Condi ginned up will end up just like your favorite cartoon Peanuts, where Luci pulls the football away from Linus just as he's about to kick it.

So you need to do something dramatic to jump start your last year in office and make sure you don't go down in history like another president from Texas who got us into a unwinnable war, Lyndon Johnson. Actually, it's a no-brainer that even you can understand. Guess I should have put that a little more diplomatically, but I promised to tell it to you like I see it. I know this may be hard to believe, but I think Al Gore is the guy who can save you.

You just met with him in the Oval Office after he won the Nobel Peace Prize, and he said nice things about you after your 40-minute private meeting. So that's my point: What better way to get a fresh start than to ask him to return to his old job as Vice President? The environment and energy conservation are huge issues right now, and nobody's greener than Gore.

Yeah, I know that means Cheney will have to step aside. But look, Dick just had to stick his finger in an electric socket to get his ticker going again, for the umpteenth time. That gives you a perfect excuse to ask him to step aside. Besides, he can go back to Halliburton and make millions, just like Trent Lott, by stepping down before the new lobby laws take effect on Jan. 1. He's a good trooper, and I can assure you, he'll go along with it, just like Eisele has been predicting in The Hill and on Huffington Post. Eisele's a liberal wacko but even a blind dog finds a bone now and then.

The beauty of this strategy, in addition to giving the New York Times and all the Bush haters in the press absolute fits, is that it will be the biggest news of the year and make people forget about the mess in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the inevitable failure of the Middle East peace talks. Best of all, you can tell Gore it will torpedo Hillary's campaign, and make him the instant favorite to win the Democratic nomination, and the presidency, which he would have won if I hadn't been telling the folks in Florida how to make sure you were the winner there in 2000.

Glad to help out in your time of need. Trust me, this is the best way to go if you don't want your last year in office to be a disaster. Guess they didn't call me Bush's brain for nothing.

Comments

[eaglecapri]

When did Dubya ever have groove?!?!?!?!?!?

[darker]

GWBush: stupid is as stupid does.
And that frat boy is SEVERELY STUPID.

[realpolitic]

Let's pray Bush doesn't find a "groove". He has done enough damage already. Future leaders will need a lot of "groove' to simply repair the damage Bush has done. Let's send Bush back to Texas where he can play on his ranch and Laura can supervise and call him in for meal time.

[jeskiley]

No, no, we don't live in a magical world--and people aren't pawns on a gameboard. Just because Al says nice things about Bush doesn't mean he actually likes him. What planet do you live on? And the Middle East talks are going to bear fruit, duh!

[swift_goat_pet_for_truth]

W's groove?

Would that be his partnership with Jack Daniels?

[realpolitic]

Bush never had a "groove" to lose. He is best at cutting brush on his ranch with a chainsaw. Too bad the world's problems are not as immediate. Bush was packaged by Rove as gold, but he is not even a lump of coal.

[RAMHaiti]

1) Bush NEVER had a groove. The American public, and people like yourself, tried to wish one upon him, but, he NEVER had one.

2) LBJ, the other fellow from TEXAS, took care of a few Civil Rights concerns, if I remember correctly, although he couldn't handle the war.

3) Gore, it seems, is trying to become a diplomat rather than a politician. It may be a better place for him.

[RachelK]

This reminds me of T. Friedman's recent column on Cheney as Obama's running mate. If he steps down for Gore, maybe this will become the new trend for running mates.... Oh boy!

[leftbehind2000]

I have a better idea - how about giving the White House BACK to Gore that was won in 2000 and turning yourself in for the war crimes perpetuated throughout your administration.

[trailblazer]

I know this is tongue in cheek, but this would never happen for at least one reason: The Assault on Reason. It is an absolute scathing indictment of Bush and his administration. However, since Bush doesn't read, he probably has no idea that Gore thinks he's an idiot so .... maybe? :-)

[Sparhawk]

I almost spit coffee on my keyboard...nice to have something to read and laugh out loud about in the morning.

[peterg76]

Little George is a sociopath - the world is better off when he doesn't have his 'groove.'

[darker]

Bush, Rove, turd = national 4-letter words all having the same meaning.

[mommadona]

It's a sign....a sign, I tell you....

"It's the end of the world, as we know it"...
OR
"Hi boys, ya miss me?"

Historical and current events are seen as steps in an on-going plot to rule the world primarily through a combination of political finance, social engineering, mind control, and fear-based propaganda[1]. One of its early official mentions was in Gerald Ford's "Declaration of Interdependence" on October 24th, 1975; according to the ex-general counsel of the Export-Import Bank of the United States Peter Beter, the Declaration of Interdependence states that: "we must join with others to bring forth a new world order....Narrow notions of national sovereignty must not be permitted to curtail that obligation"[2].

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_World_Order_%28conspiracy%29

[gramamimi]

The voice of reason...can it be heard, heeded ? We're up against some hard heads here