I know there's only a few hours to go before Tuesday's election, but I wanted to use this final campaign ad to assure you that there's still time to vote for me and not for my cowardly, sniveling, elitist, godless, unpatriotic, Nancy Pelosi-supporting, big government-loving, job-killing, illegal immigrant-coddling, Obamacare-backing leftwing socialist opponent.
And don't forget, there's still time to make a contribution to my campaign to help save this country by taking it back from Barack Obama and sending him back in 2012 to whatever country he was born in. Sure, this ad was paid for a corporation that I don't have to name, thanks to the principled conservatives George W. Bush named to the U.S. Supreme Court, but I still need your financial support.
Anyway, as we come down to the wire in this most important election in our lifetime, and indeed, in the history of our freedom-loving nation, I urge you to call your friends to get them to the polls so they can send me to Washington to help clean up the horrible mess that Obama and Pelosi and Harry Reid and Barney Frank and the Democrat Congress have made of things since they stole the election of 2010.
As Mitch McConnell has reminded us, "the single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president."
And John Boehner, who is about to send Pelosi back to her hippie neighborhood in San Francisco when he becomes the new Speaker of the House, told Sean Hannity the other day, there will be no compromise with Democrats in our efforts to stop them from raising taxes to feed the bloated Washington bureaucracy.
And just wait till Rand Paul and Sharron Angle and Ken Buck and Marco Rubio and Mark Kirk and Pat Toomey and Carly Fiorino and Dino Rossi and Joe Miller and kickass Linda McMahon and yes, even Christine O'Donnell join me in Washington.
All I can say is thank God for Fox News and true patriots like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly.
I am proud to say that I have the support of the Tea Party, despite the embarrassing disclosure of my affair with the wife of my campaign manager, which was totally distorted by the liberal media with the help for my unforgiving wife, and my equally unfortunate decision to accept a campaign contribution from an old friend at Morgan Stanley who was a convicted felon - how was I to know if my staff didn't tell me?
But that's ancient history that nobody but Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman and Rachel Maddow and the rest of the discredited mainstream media, not to mention liberal mouthpieces like Arianna Huffington and Markos Moulitsas - both of them are Taliban sympathizers as far as I'm concerned - care about.
So I implore you, vote early and often for me and my fellow Republicans on Tuesday if you don't want to see this country go down the drain. As Sarah Palin said when the Russians invaded Georgia, "We've got to do everything we can to protect the people of Atlanta." We've got to do the same for all the people of this great Christian nation.
God bless America and God bless you for your moral support, and for sending your contribution to the website on your screen.