Four Ways to Find Fulfillment at Work

Recently I met with a young man who was struggling at his job. A mutual friend recommended that I speak with him to see if I could provide any guidance. The young man told me that he dreaded getting up every morning to go to work, and that he came home every evening drained and exhausted.

"What do you think I should do?" he asked. "I want to feel better about my job, but don't know what to do. Frankly, I'm not particularly spiritual, and am just looking for practical advice."

This young man is not alone in his perception of his job as drudgery. Many people strive for success and admiration at work and pour energy in to the promise of their careers, but somewhere along the way find that the anticipated rewards either do not materialize, or do not provide the happiness that they had hoped for, leaving them feeling stuck, trapped, bored, frustrated, drained, duped or depressed. I know this, because at times in my career I've also experienced all these feelings.

Here's what I've learned, and what I told the young man:

First, you need to objectively identify why you are so unhappy at your work. There can be several categorical reasons:

1. Your type of work: Perhaps you are in a field that you find inherently unsatisfying, or you feel called to a different type of career. Maybe you are a lawyer, yet yearn to be an artist; or you are an artist but are drawn to business; or you work at a large company but dream of being an entrepreneur.
2. Your work environment: Maybe you are dissatisfied with your company, and experience your boss as abusive or insensitive, or are in conflict with your co-workers, or find your corporate culture demeaning, or feel undervalued and not listened to.
3. Your personal situation: Are you unmotivated because the time demands of your job have hurt your relationships with your family, friends, and community, leaving you feeling exhausted, resentful, and unbalanced in your life?
4. Your attitude: Hovering over all these reasons is your attitude. Do you look for problems and faults, or do you see possibilities for growth? Do you view people as threats and competitors, or do you see others as fellow human beings who share the same struggles and desires as you do?

Let's look at ways to address each of these reasons:

1. Many people I speak with tell me that their jobs are not fulfilling, but can't identify alternatives. In those cases I recommend an exercise that you may find useful: Make three lists. On the first, write down all the things that you are naturally good at. On the second, all the things that you enjoy. And on the third, all the things that are meaningful to you. Don't hold back or edit your responses; just write what comes to mind. Now, look for a theme that comes up in all three lists - that's an indicator of your true purpose. An immediate answer may not appear, but you will be pointed in a direction. We are energized when we do something we enjoy, excel at, and that is meaningful.
2. If your work environment is truly toxic to your mental and physical health, you ought to consider leaving. If you decide to stay, though, and want to be satisfied at your work, you must truly commit to your job, and to the success of your peers, co-workers, and your company. Once you do this you will naturally find ways to contribute, and will suddenly discover that you are not a helpless victim, but are a crucial and valued member of an interdependent community. This is not a Pollyanna, unrealistic vision, but is exactly how successful, energetic people approach their jobs.
3. In order to feel satisfied at work it is crucial that we live balanced lives. Plan meaningful time with your family, exercise regularly, find community activities that involve you in the needs of others, and explore hobbies that allow for creative release. Most of us have much more available time than we think, but we often squander this time watching TV, or in some other activity that we think will bring relaxation, but that actually drains us even further. Finding balance is about commitment and discipline.
4. Once you implement the first three recommendations with positive intention, you will suddenly discover that your attitudes have changed. You will lighten up and have more energy. You feel more free, engaged, relaxed, optimistic, and grateful, because you will have discovered possibilities for your job and your life that had been hidden under the cover of limiting, negative attitudes.

I suspected that one or more of these reasons applied to the young man's situation, and wished him the strength and courage to implement lasting changes that will transform how he views his job, himself, others, and the purpose for his life.

I also shared a quick thought with him about "spirituality". We may think of spirituality as naively idealistic, or something reserved for special times and activities, but "spirituality" is, essentially, the experience of a transformative connection. In other words, we are "spiritual" when we connect deeply with ourselves, others, and the Divine, in a way that strips away our defensive fronts, revealing our true selves. We have all had these experiences - in the beauty of nature, at the birth of a child, when we commit to love, care for another, or in the moments of creative "flow" - and spiritual practices are developed to help train us to make these connections in a regular, deliberate way. In this way, the recommendations above are all spiritual practices designed to help us find more peace, purpose, and fulfillment in everything that we do.

Comments

[Peter Roche]

Alan, I wish I had had an advisor like you when I was a young man struggling with my job and bosses who seemed to delight in giving me a hard time - and I had a couple.

Your advice is so on the money!

What about this as a fifth "categorical reason" or maybe a sub-set of #4: "You think/believe that there is nothing you can do - you either have to grin and bear it or leave".

If that sounds like a possibility, here is a way to address that reason. Create another list. This list would be in three parts: 1) "What you “know” you can't change". For example, you can't fire your boss or you can't give yourself a raise. 2) "What you “can” change". You have the ability, the authority, the skill, ... to make these changes. 3) "What I am going to change". For example, I am going to count my blessings on my way to work, I am going to be thankful I have a job when millions don't and do my best to dread it less today than yesterday.

List #3 is what you go to work on - day-by-day. It’s simple - just not easy.

When you say Alan, "we are "spiritual" when we connect deeply with ourselves, others, and the Divine, in a way that strips away our defensive fronts, revealing our true selves." this perspective on "spiritual", helps to uncover what we need to go to work on.

[resimone]

Paul, in this high unemployment market - your sage advice is perfect for those searching for the next position, those still employed, and equally helpful for employers and entrepreneurs too.
I find it helpful to practice "Celebrating Life" every moment as if it was our last. Ted Kennedy, especially in his later life served as a role model for us all in how he fully lived his life. My 981/2 year old mentor reminds me of that too! Thanks for sharing your insight, Paul! Keep writing... Ruth Simone

[Paul David Walker - Huffpost Blogger]

While some jobs and company cultures are better than others, all are afflicted by the human condition in general. People are suffering mainly because of their thoughts about what happens or does not happen to them. Once we decide that "this is not it, and I am not satisfied.­" Our ego will try to find reasons to be right about our thoughts and beliefs. When we are unhappy, as Alan said, it is due to our lack of connection with each other, nature and the divine.

I would strongly recommend that this person reconsider "not being spiritual.­" I have worked with CEO's who have millions of dollars in the bank and are still not satisfied, and remain unhappy. On the other hand I have known people who are in terrible situations who are glowing with joy. Even though I realize this is easier said than done: It is not what is happening it is how you think about it that determines happiness.

[JohnFromCensornati]

I used to work for Blue Cross for many years. There was this toxic woman that worked there. Anyone who got on the wrong side of her was in for trouble. She thrived on destroying people. She hated me too, but didn't have the capacity to destroy me. Anyway, I watched her cruelty toward others for years. It was a poisonous environment. I look back and wonder what was wrong with me that I stayed so long.
I left and took a job at Humana. At the time, it seemed like the best move I'd ever made. I worked there for 8 years and began to feel like I'd soul my soul to them (even though I don't have one to sell. lol). The place is gripped with some kind of group insanity (acronyms and meetings are major symptoms).
About three years ago, I got out of health insurance. I'm a happy camper now. I make a lot less money, but I don't dread going to work in the morning (although I'd still rather stay at home). If I lose this job, I don't know what I'd do. I can't imagine working in health insurance ever again, even though Humana would have me back.