I recently attended the Atlantic Antic street fair in Brooklyn. A Bloomberg campaign worker handed me a button. I asked him "How much?" He said it was free. I asked him "How much will they pay me to wear it?"
An Open Letter to Mayor Moneybags
Dear Mayor Moneybags,
You have been throwing around a lot of money lately in your re-election campaign (an estimated 65 million dollars so far but the numbers are climbing fast) and I would like to get a piece of the action. I don't like you, don't agree with you about much, and didn't vote for you in 2001 or 2005, but money is money, especially in these economic hard times. This is my offer.
For $10,000, cash or personal check, I will vote for you, pure and simple.
That's not very much. You "donated" two million dollars to the National Abortion Rights League to get back in their good graces after you endorsed anti-abortion candidate George Bush for president in 2004 -- back when you were a Republican. And you brokered a half a million-dollar "donation" to the Reverend Al Sharpton so he would not oppose your efforts to overturn term limits or to retain mayoral control over the school system.
But one additional vote may not be enough to overcome some bad publicity. You have a history of being nasty in public with people who are weaker than you are (handicapped reporters for example) and in private with employees because they don't have your billions of dollars. Your company is involved in at least three sexual harassment cases, and in a deposition for one of the cases you stated you would not believe a rape charge unless it was supported by "an unimpeachable third-party."
For the right price I am prepared to offer you a package deal. For $50,000 plus expenses, again either cash or personal check (you do have sound financial references), I will give you an expanded support package. I will design and wear an "I Like Mike for Mayor" tee-shirt, go to rallies and publicity events to cheer and get interviewed by the media, and have my car (a black 2001 Toyota Echo) painted with your picture and "Mike for Mayor" slogans.
This will not be that easy for me and I will have to eat some crow -- that is why I need to charge so much. Many of my friends are teachers, and others are parents, none of who are too happy with your performance as chief executive of the schools and the way you have manipulated the system to stay in office. It seems they thought term limits were term limits.
Teachers who work in your test-prep academies for minority and working-class youth are as bored as the students. They wonder if mayoral control in New York City was the reason for higher test scores, results you proudly took credit for, and how come the results went up statewide, including in places where you have no connection at all.
Teachers are also fed up with the "business model" for school supervision. Middle managers, graduates of your principal's academy with little experience as teachers and no knowledge about how students learn, walk into their classrooms, and boss them around. Most of your middle managers seem more worried about collecting their bonuses than about real teaching and learning.
Many of the parents I know are fed up with having their children travel for hours all over the city so they can attend elite "test" schools or middle-class safe haven mini-schools because the schools in their neighborhoods are not functioning and you would never have sent your daughter there. Your promised school reform seems little more than constantly reshuffling the same deck of cards.
Maybe you will decide you need my super-deluxe support package for $100,000 plus expenses, either cash or personal check. You get everything promised so far, plus much, much more.
In your effort to be bi-partisan you endorsed and raised money for elected officials from both major and some minor political parties, including elected officials involved in the embarrassing debacle in Albany over control of the State Senate. So you can throw your weight around a bit more and possibly clean up the mess you helped to make, I am sure you will be running (either openly or on the side) lots of fund-raisers for your favorites. As part of the super-deluxe support package, you can hire me as a campaign consultant and I will go to the designated fund-raisers where I will convince candidates to support your issues and make donations, "reallocate funds," as necessary.
You have a reputation as a smart businessman, so I am sure you will see the benefits for both of us with these proposals. I look forward to hearing from you or one of your representatives.
Sincerely,
Alan Singer, Brooklyn, N.Y.