11/29/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Canada Seems Nice

If McCain wins this election, I'm leaving the country. I know a lot of people are saying that, but I won't leave because I fear a McCain-Palin White House. Don't get me wrong, that would really, really suck. But I've survived eight years of Bush-Cheney, so I'm pretty sure that I could get through four years of McCain-Palin. No, I'll leave because if the Democrats don't win this election, they'll never be able to win any election.

The Dems couldn't ask for better circumstances than what they have right now. The stars are in near perfect alignment. Here's just some of the factors that should ensure a Democratic victory:

• The sitting Republican president has an historically low approval rating, and McCain has voted with him over 90% of the time.
• The US economy is on the precipice of another Great Depression due to flawed Republican economic policies.
• The Bush Administration has treated the Constitution like a urinal cake.
• Thanks to Bush, the international perception of the US is that we're a bunch of idiot bullies.
• The US is currently fighting two foreign wars, one of which the Bush Administration purposefully misled the American people into supporting.
• The Republican candidate for president is 72 years old, has had serious skin cancer four times, refuses to release his medical records, and is unsure of how many homes he own.
• The Republican Vice Presidential candidate has publicly stated that the entirety of her foreign policy experience stems from her ability to see Russia on a clear day from her home state, she believes that man and dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time, and she won't stop winking at me.
The ranking Republican in the Senate was just convicted of 7 counts of corruption.
• The Obama campaign has raised more money than any presidential candidate in history. This is especially noteworthy considering the financial climate.
• There are more new (Democratic) voters in this election than in any election in modern history.
• Love him or hate him, Barack Obama is the youngest, most charismatic political figure since JFK.

Even the most conservative Republican would agree that nearly everything is going in favor of the Democrats. If they can't close the deal now, then I can't imagine any circumstances in which they could. Simply put, if the people of America are ignorant enough to be taken in by the increasingly desperate Republican campaign of racial fear mongering and hate politics, then maybe this country isn't the type of place I want to live.