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Alec Sokolow

Alec Sokolow

Posted: October 22, 2008 12:19 AM

I'm Ready for the Slander


Socialist? Communist? Un-American? I thought we were replaying Vietnam, not McCarthyism! Well, if this race has come down to ridiculous, dangerous, slanderous culture wars, I'm ready to dive in.

John McCain is a philatelist! Do we really want a philatelist running our country in these dangerous times? Can we afford to expose our children to a back-licking philatelist? Not only that, but people in the know tell me John McCain is also a chronic public masticator. He masticates in public three times a day! And, I've heard that John McCain has also been a practicing heterosexual since his days in the Navy.

I don't know about you, but in the America I live in, I don't want a chronic public masticating, practicing heterosexual, back licking philatelist as my President. I think the press needs to investigate these allegations. I want to know who else in Congress is prone to public mastication.

Lastly, I've also heard that John McCain is an oeniphile. It disgusts me that a United States Senator couldn't control these urges. But, I guess the rules of decency don't apply to John McCain. He can pursue his urges of oeniphilia and we're supposed to just look the other way.

Now, Sarah Palin? She's a thespian. Big time.