I'm Ready for the Slander

John McCain is a philatelist! Do we really want a philatelist running our country in these dangerous times? Can we afford to expose our children to a back-licking philatelist?
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Socialist? Communist? Un-American? I thought we were replaying Vietnam, not McCarthyism! Well, if this race has come down to ridiculous, dangerous, slanderous culture wars, I'm ready to dive in.

John McCain is a philatelist! Do we really want a philatelist running our country in these dangerous times? Can we afford to expose our children to a back-licking philatelist? Not only that, but people in the know tell me John McCain is also a chronic public masticator. He masticates in public three times a day! And, I've heard that John McCain has also been a practicing heterosexual since his days in the Navy.

I don't know about you, but in the America I live in, I don't want a chronic public masticating, practicing heterosexual, back licking philatelist as my President. I think the press needs to investigate these allegations. I want to know who else in Congress is prone to public mastication.

Lastly, I've also heard that John McCain is an oeniphile. It disgusts me that a United States Senator couldn't control these urges. But, I guess the rules of decency don't apply to John McCain. He can pursue his urges of oeniphilia and we're supposed to just look the other way.

Now, Sarah Palin? She's a thespian. Big time.

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot