I wrote this poem when I was pregnant with our first child. It was the strangest thing, because while I was so happy experiencing pregnancy for the first time, I also had a weird feeling of loneliness on a social level. I love my girlfriends -- they are all fantastic -- but when you're pregnant and not many of your other friends are, you might feel... left out. It's nobody's fault. (And honestly, let's face it: You can't hang anyway, and you're too tired to be a social butterfly.)
It was the first time I was stuck in a place where I wanted to do so much, but in reality, my body just needed to rest and nest. So, if you're also pregnant for the first time, maybe you can maybe relate. Without further ado...
Friends, Where Art Thou? (A Pregnancy Poem)
I've discovered I'm pregnant, 10 little fingers, 10 toes!
Excitement and showers, as everyone knows;
I'm reading the books, radiating the 'glow',
But one question lingers: Where the fuck did my friends go?
They're so excited for me, they cannot wait to meet him!
Many have stated, they may just try to eat him;
But I've noticed lately, my social calendar's dead,
Did they forget about me? Is it all in my head?
I used to have plans! I used to have fun!
Did this simply cease, due to my oven and bun?
Pregnant women get tired, sure sometimes we're slow,
But guys, that's not me! Where the f*ck did you go?!
Was it the air biscuit that slipped out, without my knowledge?
Girl, please, you've seen worse! We made it through college!
Or maybe it's my cankles, you can't bear to see?
Perhaps you can't take it, that all day I must pee?
So what if I burp? Who cares if I waddle?
When you go to drunk-dial, I'll tackle and swaddle!
And when you must pee, to the front of the line we'll go!
Yet my phone is still quiet -- say it ain't fucking so!
Come on ladies, I'm fun! I'm still the old me!
Your designated driver, forget the cab fee!
Of course I'll come out! Saturday night?! I'll be there!
Pick you up around 10, what on earth will I wear?
You're running behind? No problem! I'm chill,
Take a moment to put up my feet, I sure will,
Just resting my eyes, as I wait patiently,
There's your text! I'm coming! I just... have to... ZzzzZzzzz
A version of this post originally appeared on Alessandra Macaluso's blog, PunkWife. If you are getting married or know a bride-to-be, check out her book: "The Bitch's Bridal Bible: The Must-Have, Real- Deal Guide for Brides," available on Amazon and Kindle. You can also find Alessandra on Facebook and Twitter.
Alessandra is currently working on a cookbook filled with healthy, fresh and easy recipes for babies that the whole family can enjoy (because really, who wants to cook twice?). If you'd like to get on that mailing list, you can do so here: What a Good Eater.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.