Being lonely is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it could be the one experience in your life that would set you free from the cycle of being influenced by other people based on your appearance. I spent several years in spiritual solitude, which taught me that no matter how much other people like or dislike my behavior, only I myself can stay true to what is important to me; my own happiness.
It's easy being the guy pointing fingers, I did that for a long time. I couldn't muster up the courage to face myself, my fears and my insecurities. So, I did what I knew best -- I would point the finger in the direction of other people, those who had wronged me in the past.
Resentment was one of the dominant emotions that kept reappearing, and that time it caused a lot of outbursts of anger, to the point where it triggered an experience in me, asking of me to reevaluate my understanding of my own emotions, and why is it that I'm behaving in such an unhealthy manner. At the time, the word unhealthy was easier to understand as crazy, stupid even. This very well could have been the period in my life where I could truly understand the phrase time heals everything.
Coming full circle with this period in my life, I realized that all this time that I spent pointing fingers outwards, was a cry for help from deep within myself. So it happens in life that we confuse the emotional distress of ourselves, with everything that others have done to us. When in truth, those who treat us badly are only reflecting some of their own undealt emotions towards us, and if we aren't being mindful of what is happening -- we will continue to assume that we're unworthy, that we truly are messed up in some strange way, that we deserve to be condemned for not living up to someone else's standards.
Understanding your past to move forward
Whether you want to call it a spiritual path, or the path of self-discovery, we will inevitably be challenged with what's called as letting go of the past. If you want to move into a new house, you have to let go of the one you're currently living in. And so it is with our own personal growth.
We spend years upon years living in the same house, of course it will be hard to let go of all those wonderful memories, experiences and emotions that this old home brought in our life. But, sometimes we're forced to move into a new home because it is the next best thing to happen to us -- it could be for any number of reasons, and in those cases it can be extremely difficult to let go, to forget what we once knew so well.
And that is sort of what happens when we make a conscious decision to improve ourselves, to improve the quality of our life. We're faced with the challenge of letting go of our old home (our past), so that we can move into our new home (conscious present moment) and create a better life for ourselves, regardless of the circumstances present.
This is sort of the point where loneliness becomes very evident in your life. You've given up on what has happened in the past, and now you're left with a suitcase full of old emotions, beliefs, and on top of that -- the conditioning that you received during all those years; what to say, how to act, what to believe, etc,. etc,.
Everyone experiences this stage differently, but in the end it all comes back to being able to look at yourself from within, and accept that nothing another person says can define who you are as an individual human being.
Using strength to build a new life
It takes some time before we reach a place where we feel confident and at peace with what had happened in the past, and in that split moment of realization -- we find our strength. We begin to establish a deeper connection with ourselves, our emotions and psychological states, and in the process of working through these different angles, we can see that liberating ourselves from our past isn't as bad as it seemed at first.
The hardest part is accepting the fact that in order to move forward, healing is necessary. This healing can come in many different ways, whether learning how to express yourself confidently, or developing new habits that compliment your existing interests. In a world where everything is given to you instantly, it can be difficult to just be with yourself for extended periods of time to really understand what it is that you want to do with your life.
Loneliness will hold a tight grip on us for as long as we let it, but once you bring your conscious awareness into the experience, things begin to smoothen out and suddenly you find yourself with room to breathe, because now you know that everything is going to be okay.