I've reached my first full year as an "adult." I've graduated college, moved myself to a city, and attempted to find answers to life's most pressing challenges. I don't think I've come to any final answers, but a few blanks have been filled in. So as I look back on my first year in "the real world", a few noticeable themes come to mind.
1.Make New Friends Even When the Old Ones are Close By
I left my four years of college having made the greatest group of friends that has ever existed. I created friendships where I connected with people viscerally, spiritually, and whole-heartedly. They were mostly dudes (which I swear was completely unplanned), and I relished in every second of it. When it came to my friendship quota, I assumed I had reached my maximum count, and there was no need for more. But when I left college, I found myself feeling a bit estranged. Friends moved all across the country, and I felt like it was my duty to keep them alive in whatever way possible. But while I struggled to maintain these so called "engrained" friendships, I realized I wasn't living in my present. I was continuing to live in my college town where people lived blocks away, instead of hundreds of miles. And when I realized that it was okay to acknowledge a chapter ending, I started my next as passionately as the last. And since then, I have made a few incredible friendships that have made my time in a new city especially worthwhile (Charlotte, Krystal, and blue-haired Isa have helped me through a lot and I forever thank them).
2.Never Be Ashamed of a Job
Some of the responsibilities of adulthood include creating financial independence from your family or whatever support system you've been granted. And this means paying your bills. When I left college, I made a promise to myself that I never wanted to ask my parents for money ever again. But here's the thing. That shit doesn't happen overnight. I couldn't just wake up and suddenly find $5,000 partying it up in my Chase debit account. If that's happened to you, someone is CLEARLY trying to steal your identity. So at first, I had to ask for a little cushion from my parents, but then the rest was up to me. My roommate and I sat in a Starbucks and abused the Internet for any jobs we could find. Eventually we found various jobs that weren't our goal in life, but certainly gave us the money we needed to better focus on those goals. Since moving to Chicago, I have babysat, checked coats, dog walked, served, and checked people into conference conventions. None of them glamorous by any means. But they made me the money I needed, and that's enough for me. I am nothing less than proud and admiring of a friend who is determined to pay for their shit in whatever means necessary. My friend delivers burritos on his bicycle, and sometimes he finds leftover mistake burritos which is a SCORE AND A HALF. And he gets to ride his bike all day. How sick is that? Never be ashamed of a survival job. Because it eventually will pay off, and you won't have to do it anymore. And guess what: EVERYONE HAS ONE. Do what Usher says and go make that money (and if you're a stripper, YAS GURL LIVE YOUR DREAMS).
3.Don't Live Half Your Life on Facebook
It's so easy to quickly tap the Facebook icon on your iPhone and suddenly become immersed in a world of fantasy where everyone you know, and all their life shit, is right in front of you. It can be so exciting when you go to your newsfeed and find out your friend got engaged, or your cousin is pregnant, or your childhood friend passed the Bar. But, as we all know, Facebook can be depressing as FUCKKKKK. We all know the experience of logging on and not being able to shake the feeling of: "Wow look at that person's life. They're doing such awesome things. Does that mean my life is lackluster in comparison?" The left side of our brains tells us no, but the right side says: YES YOU FUCKING FAILURE GET A CAT AND CALL IT QUITS. It's something that I struggle with on the daily, and I know a lot of my friends do too. And this is just a reflection of the natural human tendency to compare. As humans, we have to compete in order to survive, and, unfortunately, that applies to so many life aspects that it starts to bleed into our own personal psyche. So I challenge myself to log off, and it makes me much more relaxed. Where you are is where you are, regardless of where anyone else is in their own life. And you can never change that. We are all special snowflakes. So float on, you sexy flake.
4.Go With It, Even if You Don't Understand Why
Adulthood is so goddamn confusing. I've had to start thinking about starting a 401k, issuing a W9 to approve my 1099 status, and wonder if BlueCross BlueShield is screwing me over on my reinsurance health care plan. Here's the thing about everything I just described: I have no fucking idea what any of it means. It's just a bunch of shit that various life professionals have told me I should do, and so I pretend to know what I'm talking about. And this applies to SO many aspects of my life. I don't know why the IPA draft the bartender gave me is "robust." I don't why it's good to sell high and buy low in this market. I don't know why a projected El Niño year will help stabilize climate control. But if it helps me get away in life, then fuck it. I'll just nod and go with it.
5.It's Ok to Wonder About Your Ex
As much as I've stated above that I try to completely live in the present, I also still appreciate the times where I reflect on the past. And a lot of my past was filled with a love for someone. Things ended gracefully at the end of college, and we went our separate ways. But relationships don't just mentally end cold turkey. Even though we've been apart for over a year, I still think about my college boyfriend. Not super often, but certainly in ways that still justify a connection. When you love someone, that doesn't just go away. And when you enter a new chapter of your life, your past always travels with you. So for me, that meant my connection with this person naturally helped form who I am today. And even though breakups are sad, being on the other side of it can be very fruitful. I look back on my relationship and remember nothing but fun times at Jolly Pumpkin Brewery, lounging in a hot tub in zero degree weather, and falling asleep in an open field for three hours. So in a way, my reflection isn't something I'm embarrassed about, but a period of my life that I celebrate. And to me, that's perfectly ok. Simon, you're still in my thoughts.
6. You are NOT Alone
I don't think this one really needs further explanation. Even in your darkest of times, someone is always there. You just might not know who. Sondheim got it right. You are never truly alone.
A smart man, by the name of Steven Wilson, urged me to remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint. So it's ok to take things slow and breathe in the experiences around you to gain all their worth. Don't try to speed things along and answer everything. Otherwise, we'd all be robots.
And a world of robots sounds terrifying.