Covering Rashes & Creating Your Brand
It's pouring rain and I've caught the plague from my son. A round of Fifth's disease (short definition: flu + rash) went through his school, and slowly but surely we all got it. Problem is that when an adult gets it you feel incredibly run-down along with that fabulous flu feeling. Yay, not. This too shall pass, and today I actually consider myself lucky that I don't have to put on a suit, and can instead huddle at my kitchen island with endless cups of tea and soup for a few hours. Later I'll head out for a career transition seminar on salary negotiation, which no doubt will amuse a few insiders and hopefully prove useful. I'll be wearing trousers to cover this lovely rash on my leg.
Have you noticed that tensions and emotions are high everywhere? Almost everywhere I went this week people were being rude to one another. It seems to stem from self-protection. People are now so concerned with their own bottom line and self-interest that they forget how to listen to one another. It's as though everyone has forgotten how to communicate, or are so scared for themselves that they no longer care. Are we as a large-scale community heading toward Lord of the Flies territory?
Example #1 - a man shoved a woman on the subway. He tried to step into the car before she was fully out and the impact sent her reeling; she was caught by another passenger. He justified his action by muttering, "I have to get on this train; I have to get to work." Everyone understands that fear - with tough economic times, no one wants to give their employer any ammunition to put their job in jeopardy - but I think we can all draw the line at shoving.
Example #2 - my boys were playing in the backyard yesterday, as they often do. Kickball, whiffleball, swingset competition and climbing anything solid enough to put a foot on were all on the agenda. One thing that's great about townhouse neighborhoods in any borough of the city is that kids can interact with each other through backyard fences. Our property line adjoins the one behind us, and in each back corner four yards adjoin; the neighborhood kids pass notes and little toy cars through the fence. Even better, impromptu playdates can be organized by simply throwing one kid over to the hosting kid's parent. With that similarity to Anytown, USA, also comes cranky neighbors. In this case, when my son was chatting with another boy through the fences, Cranky Old Lady who owns the neighbors' house screamed at my son to get off her property, though he wasn't on it. When I addressed her regarding her rudeness, she said it was her right to be nasty in order to keep him safe. It makes me laugh when people make up excuses to account for rude behavior, but it makes me angry when I have to find a way to explain her behavior to my 5 year old. "Sometimes people are mean for no reason." I briefly considered the wonderfully terrible things that could happen if she had flowerbeds and I had a dog. Down, girl.
Also this week on numerous occasions, miscommunications occurred simply because people weren't listening. One thing I've had to force myself to do as a busy person is to be present (or Be Here Now, thank you Ram Dass,) in my current situation. If you're at work, be at work. If you're with the kids or filming or at a party or standing on your head, be there. That axiom saved my sanity, particularly when working 40-50 hours a week, shooting the show, renovating the house and keeping the boys well fed and happy. When people are stuck in their own heads, you may say X but they hear Y, and then everyone is at cross-purposes. Don't call me "Sancti-Mommy," though - I'm often guilty of all of the above too. Well, not the shoving bit. Unless someone is trying to steal my cab.
The one place I didn't find fear, rudeness and negativity this week? The career transition center. Wow. I think the difference is that people there acknowledged and owned their fear. "Yes, I don't have a job. Yes, I'm looking for one. Yes, it's tough out there. Now what?" What a refreshing attitude.
While there I attended a seminar about self-branding. Now, in my recent career I've had great fun working on corporate brand identity, copy writing, etc., but never really turned those skills inward. As an actress I always auditioned to play someone else, supporting someone else's brand & project. However for the first time in my career outside acting, I am the brand. In today's multi-media economy, is it necessary to advertise yourself? Short answer? YES. Being good at your job is a great first step. While Mom always said to keep handy a great resume for your next job and a great dress for your next date, that resume package now includes a sharp, kicky 15 second commercial for you and your skills. Everyone always asks "What do you do," at parties, so it's high time we practiced our answers. In the seminar, people tore into each other's commercials with gusto. "Clarify that." "It's too long." "Shorten, shorten, shorten. People can't pay attention long enough, and what the hell does 'information specialist' mean?" After helping the others with theirs, I finally came up with mine...graphic design at the speed of your business. Like it?
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Alex, I am so impressed by you! You truly have excellent writing skills!
Keep it up!
Well, DARLING, those of us who DRIVE to work (in other towns, of course) have been experiencing the elevated hostility for quite some time. Its a DEATHRACE out there. So crank up your aura.
I like your slogan but I think you stand for more than just great graphic design. Though it may be your undoing on "train-wreck TV," you also stand for being TRUE -- not just mouthing platitudes, but actually stepping up when someone's in need, and for owning and being open about what you're feeling and thinking. Your detractors point to the show's focus on shallow ideals, like name-dropping, designer labels, overpriced consumer goods, indiscriminate self-exposure, and seeming desire to hook yourself into the wealthy, powerful or prestigious. Those things reflect an insecurity that doesn't become you. You have more going on than that, and should come from a place of sufficiency.
So let the illusions and extra possessions fall away, continue to give from your heart, resist the urge to judge, and you could become a thin, blond Oprah. And remember, you never see Oprah discussing whether receipts have been saved or what a great tax deduction she has just made.
Alex, thank you for the refreshing blog. Love it! It's very inspiring and so relevent to what is going on out there! :) I mean that, I know it sounds sarcastic but it's not!
Include me as a fan of your blogging here, though I'm still having a hard time finding the "characters" of Alex and Simon particularly likable on RHONYC. This past episode had me totally rooting for you two, though, I must admit.
Your entries here have been interesting, relevant, and thoughtful. They are well-written and articulate, something that cannot always be said of others coming from your show. :)
Keep them coming, and welcome to HuffPo!
Alex, make sure you don't have gluten intolerance and/or celiac disease. It can appear if you have inherited it during times of stress. Symptoms can include rash on the legs and elbows, stomach upset and arthritis like symptoms. At least don't eat any wheat, barley or rye and see if the rash goes away. People who suffer are usually slender and of northern European ancestry.
Another great blog, Alex. You have a way of putting in words what we're all feeling. I too, being a New Yorker, have sensed the tension and fear in the City. People are really cranky. What fun. As if New York isn't tense enough on a good day.
Good luck with your job hunt. I'm sure some smart employer will recognize your talent soon.
I was also not a fan of you at all Alex after watching the first season of Housewives. But since i started reading your posts, I've been captivated by the simplicity yet profoundness of your writing. I admire your audacity to share something so personal (job loss, fear etc..) with your readers - the same issues and problems we all find ourselves struggling to face these days. This may sound trite, but it is very refreshing to see someone from 'TV' whom you may subconsciously think are somehow immune from the struggles of ordinary citizens are also affected by the current global financial downturn. I think this is a sobering reminder that we are all in this together and in an odd sort of way, binds us as people as much as it humbles us. Please keep up the good work - your unflinching determination to stay true to your morals and your courage to face your fear during these trying times and share it is tremendously inspiring!
Thanks Alex...and good luck to us all!
Alex, I have to say you have not been one of my favorites on the show, but I think that might be because you are not portrayed as you are. I am glad Huffpo has given you this voice, as your posts are refreshing, bright and witty. Keep up the great work, and I'll look forward to seeing you in a new light now. :)
Alex I enjoy your posts and I must say you are my favorite on the show. I realize it must be hard filming in front of America, you are exposed and we all have bad days. However, most of the ladies seem so self-absorbed. I always find people with the most insecurities are the people who find the most faults with others, never really looking inside themselves. you and simon seem to have a close relationship, which angers people who are jealous. Anyway, great blog and keep up the good work, stay positive as you are.
Hello Alex,
Thank you for the entertaining blogs that you write and share with us....Your Fans.....I look forward to any and all that you have to say so keep them coming and my thoughts and prayers are with you to find a job ASAP...
Great Blog Alex!
I guess it didn't occur to your neighbour that she would be outed here eh!
.graphic design at the speed of your business. Like it?"
Yeah, I like it.
Wow Alex, you're doing pretty well at this blog writing. I'd think you'd want to stay home and work around the house and be happy for the time off, but if you must job hunt, then good luck.
I watch you on the housewives show and you're the only one that hasn't completely undone yourself with "the lip". You have great understanding and are fair with everyone. Ramona is having a hard time making Simon the heavy, she can't get any traction and you guys handle that so well.
You want a brand name? How about Smart Alex, Can Do It All. Smart Alex, Can Do With Grace. Problem, call Smart Alex. Then of course you'd have to knock yourself out all over the place...but you are smart.
I liked the idea of having the children do some art for the angry lady...what the heck, keep them busy and create a link to her. Your townhouse with the back yard was really a find, I can't wait to see what the remodel looks like.
Good luck girl. I look forward to your next post.
Powerful and memorable yet simply stated. Very cool! Someone will recognize what an enormous asset you could be for them and hire you, hang in there. Your positive attitude and optimistic spirit will help you shine above the others.
Cranky Old Lady may be feeling unappreciated, unimportant, or worse, unwanted by her own family. Perhaps she's being treated rudely and is lashing out in kind. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. A plate of home baked goodies and a drawing from your boys for her refrigerator as a "thank you for your concern" gesture might compel her to speak nicely to them in the future. More flies with honey and all that jazz. If she continues to be a screeching shrew, at least you know you did all you could to be an understanding and tolerant neighbor in these times of fear and stress, and that you're a better person for it. Just make sure no one sees you toilet papering her car in the middle of the night!
Love it Alex! And for your crabby neighbor, tell your son that people who aren't happy sometimes act that way. Have a great week!
Alex I love the show, you and Simon (and your little ones) are my favorites. No matter what you always have your chin up with a smile. Love Simon's accent and his voice period-I could listen to him all day. It is obvious that you and Simon are crazy about one another and the kids are number one.
I can't stand the comments especially about Simon and the attitude from Ramona, she is supposedly what, a Christian? She is jealous or just hateful, a small person.
I will look through the archives here, as I've just noticed your blog. Best of luck to you and Simon, and hopefully we will see more of you and he on RHONYC and perhaps elsewhere on the tube.
Hope you feel better soon!
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