It's pouring rain and I've caught the plague from my son. A round of Fifth's disease (short definition: flu + rash) went through his school, and slowly but surely we all got it. Problem is that when an adult gets it you feel incredibly run-down along with that fabulous flu feeling. Yay, not. This too shall pass, and today I actually consider myself lucky that I don't have to put on a suit, and can instead huddle at my kitchen island with endless cups of tea and soup for a few hours. Later I'll head out for a career transition seminar on salary negotiation, which no doubt will amuse a few insiders and hopefully prove useful. I'll be wearing trousers to cover this lovely rash on my leg.
Have you noticed that tensions and emotions are high everywhere? Almost everywhere I went this week people were being rude to one another. It seems to stem from self-protection. People are now so concerned with their own bottom line and self-interest that they forget how to listen to one another. It's as though everyone has forgotten how to communicate, or are so scared for themselves that they no longer care. Are we as a large-scale community heading toward Lord of the Flies territory?
Example #1 - a man shoved a woman on the subway. He tried to step into the car before she was fully out and the impact sent her reeling; she was caught by another passenger. He justified his action by muttering, "I have to get on this train; I have to get to work." Everyone understands that fear - with tough economic times, no one wants to give their employer any ammunition to put their job in jeopardy - but I think we can all draw the line at shoving.
Example #2 - my boys were playing in the backyard yesterday, as they often do. Kickball, whiffleball, swingset competition and climbing anything solid enough to put a foot on were all on the agenda. One thing that's great about townhouse neighborhoods in any borough of the city is that kids can interact with each other through backyard fences. Our property line adjoins the one behind us, and in each back corner four yards adjoin; the neighborhood kids pass notes and little toy cars through the fence. Even better, impromptu playdates can be organized by simply throwing one kid over to the hosting kid's parent. With that similarity to Anytown, USA, also comes cranky neighbors. In this case, when my son was chatting with another boy through the fences, Cranky Old Lady who owns the neighbors' house screamed at my son to get off her property, though he wasn't on it. When I addressed her regarding her rudeness, she said it was her right to be nasty in order to keep him safe. It makes me laugh when people make up excuses to account for rude behavior, but it makes me angry when I have to find a way to explain her behavior to my 5 year old. "Sometimes people are mean for no reason." I briefly considered the wonderfully terrible things that could happen if she had flowerbeds and I had a dog. Down, girl.
Also this week on numerous occasions, miscommunications occurred simply because people weren't listening. One thing I've had to force myself to do as a busy person is to be present (or Be Here Now, thank you Ram Dass,) in my current situation. If you're at work, be at work. If you're with the kids or filming or at a party or standing on your head, be there. That axiom saved my sanity, particularly when working 40-50 hours a week, shooting the show, renovating the house and keeping the boys well fed and happy. When people are stuck in their own heads, you may say X but they hear Y, and then everyone is at cross-purposes. Don't call me "Sancti-Mommy," though - I'm often guilty of all of the above too. Well, not the shoving bit. Unless someone is trying to steal my cab.
The one place I didn't find fear, rudeness and negativity this week? The career transition center. Wow. I think the difference is that people there acknowledged and owned their fear. "Yes, I don't have a job. Yes, I'm looking for one. Yes, it's tough out there. Now what?" What a refreshing attitude.
While there I attended a seminar about self-branding. Now, in my recent career I've had great fun working on corporate brand identity, copy writing, etc., but never really turned those skills inward. As an actress I always auditioned to play someone else, supporting someone else's brand & project. However for the first time in my career outside acting, I am the brand. In today's multi-media economy, is it necessary to advertise yourself? Short answer? YES. Being good at your job is a great first step. While Mom always said to keep handy a great resume for your next job and a great dress for your next date, that resume package now includes a sharp, kicky 15 second commercial for you and your skills. Everyone always asks "What do you do," at parties, so it's high time we practiced our answers. In the seminar, people tore into each other's commercials with gusto. "Clarify that." "It's too long." "Shorten, shorten, shorten. People can't pay attention long enough, and what the hell does 'information specialist' mean?" After helping the others with theirs, I finally came up with mine...graphic design at the speed of your business. Like it?