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Alex McCord

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Sleep with My Husband... Go On, I Dare You

Posted: 06/04/2012 7:00 pm

How low would you go to catch your husband cheating? I'm flying without a net here, because it never occurred to me to try. My jaw was on the floor when we saw this week's story on Coffee Shop Confessions. The mom this week was so sure that her husband still carried a torch for his ex-girlfriend that she faked a Facebook profile and sent him dirty messages. When I tweeted my shock, someone wrote back that Facebook is now implicated in 40% of divorce cases. 40%? I couldn't believe it and turned to my good friend Google to check it out. The numbers vary, but there are plenty of articles out there claiming social media as a factor in a third of all cases, 40%, 50%, etc. Apparently our desire to share the ridiculous minutiae of our lives is so intense it supersedes propriety. Of course I wouldn't know anything about that, having willingly starred on a reality show for years! Wherever the information comes from, social media creates a fertile field of opportunity for divorce and custody lawyers.

What kills me about this week's episode is this -- the wife chose a real human being. She didn't lift a picture of a swimsuit model and make up an alter ego. She started a profile for a genuine person from her husband's past. How is she going to get away with this? What's the woman going to do when she finds out? What will the husband do if he finds out first? What would you do?

 
 
 

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How low would you go to catch your husband cheating? I'm flying without a net here, because it never occurred to me to try. My jaw was on the floor when we saw this week's story on Coffee Shop Confess...
How low would you go to catch your husband cheating? I'm flying without a net here, because it never occurred to me to try. My jaw was on the floor when we saw this week's story on Coffee Shop Confess...
 
 
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10:46 AM on 06/14/2012
There`s more jealousy than love on her to fake a profile to find something out about him. Obvious, she does not trust herself or she has some feelings toward someone else beside her husband. When her suspicions are that great something is not right with her own state of mind.
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Nonyabizz
Facts are really just a liberal plot
04:52 PM on 06/12/2012
If I was him and I found out, I think I'd save her the trouble. I'd leave.
12:18 PM on 06/14/2012
Well duh, if you were him, you would be the guilty party, so you are saying if she found out you would leave her, LOL bet she would not mind.
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Nonyabizz
Facts are really just a liberal plot
02:13 PM on 06/14/2012
I meant spying without cause, but yeah...
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Erinaleks
Architectural Artisan, Free Thinker
02:48 PM on 06/10/2012
Entrapment is the new American way. The spouses can watch " Bait Car" for ideas. This society becomes more twisted day by day.
02:22 AM on 06/10/2012
If you noticed that your husband is different from what you are before, and suspected that he is sleeping at the others bedroom. You have to ask him first, or talk about it. Of course if he really do he would not tell, but if he does not he may have an idea of "Hey, I really don't have time for my partner" because he might be so busy. The good thing of what you did is you found it first before him. The problem is what if he found it first before you? I agree with the author. It will ruin everything and the husband can make a way such that you will be the bad one even though the husband is making the wrong did. Even though I appreciate your way for i know you want nothing but to discover what your husband is doing.
08:26 PM on 06/09/2012
I think that people who do what that lady did with the FB have some form of mental illness. I personally wouldn't lift so much as a finger to 'catch' my SO cheating. I've never checked a phone for numbers and the only time I check pockets is when I do the laundry. If someone is cheating it's just a matter of time until they are caught and then they are out. Full stop. No discussion, I don't care that you're sorry or made a mistake and that it won't happen again or whatever else these lovers say when they're busted. They have one thing right though because it sure as heck wouldn't happen again. Not to me at least. Infidelity is unforgivable and on this subject I am one and done.
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rtgmath
There has got to be a better way!
05:43 PM on 06/09/2012
I tend to use social media very sparingly. It is not that I can't -- but I find I have a lot more important things to focus on. I also believe in maintaining a good bit of privacy.

Should my wife ever (and she wouldn't!) decide to see if she could trap me with social media, it would take me a long time to discover any change. Occasionally I will look in on some old friends that I keep in touch with from time to time. I will look at the pictures my children post.

But the one time I got a mail message from someone with a flirty or inviting overtone was from a person who had me mixed up with someone else. Frankly, I was glad to tell her so.

I have seen how Facebook can enable people to hurt others. I don't wish to be a part of that.
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Nonyabizz
Facts are really just a liberal plot
04:56 PM on 06/12/2012
People don't need Facebook to do anything like that. It is not FB's fault. Both me any my wife are on it. So are both our (grown) kids. If anything, it just provides a conduit for something people are going to do anyway.
12:21 AM on 06/09/2012
I connect with old flames to rub it in their faces that I'm with a better guy than they were... And they get to see all our sappy couple pics and status updates. My boyfriend finds it amusing and I know he does the same thing. I guess we don't take social media very seriously.
08:40 PM on 06/09/2012
LOL. Nobody should take social media seriously. I check in on FB every few months or so and then feel guilty because people have posted things to me that I've never responded to. But I've also noticed that it's the same freaking people on there all day, every day. Seriously?? And they're all employed. I'm curious how much work is being done when they post to FB all day.
12:24 PM on 06/26/2012
I dunno, it seems like your old flames are still in your thoughts and under your skin if you go out of your way to show them that you're over them.
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HawaiianLady
My name means Gift of God.
12:21 AM on 06/09/2012
"It's" (with an apostrophe) always means "It has" or "It is." It never means anything else.

"Its" (without an apostrophe) is always a pronoun. It means possession, as in "his," "her," and "its."

Just sayin'. I am the president of the Society for the Preservation of Its.

There is no apostrophe necessary in a plural, such as "parents," "houses" or "antelopes."

Fixing the apostrophe problem, one person at a time.
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05:44 PM on 06/07/2012
[Take 2]

I just don't understand some people. I've yet to have a jealous feeling and I've yet to ignore my intuition. If you think your husband is cheating, he probably is...but if you're the jealous type, then you need to check your emotions because that's not healthy. Regardless, why play games? That annoys the crap out of me! Either confront him and get a divorce, or get past your insecurities and move forward.

This lady is equally wrong for playing games as her husband would be for cheating. Grow up people!
08:31 PM on 06/09/2012
Totally agree with you. Especially about the jealousy. I'm grateful to not have inherited that bug as the people who suffer from it seem to be utterly miserable. I totally don't get it. Why are they jealous? Is it because they think of the other person as an object that belongs to them? Or is it insecurity? A control issue? I really don't get it.
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10:25 AM on 06/11/2012
I don't know. I think when you are confident in your relationship, your spouse can tell you 10 people flirted with them today and you can laugh about it together. Mr. or Mrs. "hot stuff" IS home with you and could care less about some flirting strangers. But it does feel good from time to time for a stranger to acknowledge you.

I'm not naive, I'm just not jealous! I go with my feelings all the time and don't just take people's word...
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bmitche
05:25 PM on 06/07/2012
You're barking up the wrong tree. The dare should be for him.
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James Ortegard
If we can't agree then let's at least be civil
05:08 PM on 06/07/2012
It would seem that there is a reason that Facebook stock is tanking!
04:44 PM on 06/07/2012
What about the women who connect with old boyfriends using social medial and then tell their spouse to his face that they did absolutely nothing wrong. What is the point in connecting with an old flame, even if it was the other person who initiated the contact? What good could possibly come from it?
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dws51564
History doesn't repeat itself ignorance does
04:37 PM on 06/07/2012
If Facebook causes a divorce the marriage was waiting to be put out of it's misery to begin with.
08:32 PM on 06/09/2012
Totally agree with you on that. Weak minds do weak things.
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SeeTheFnords
Look out - there's one behind you!
08:21 PM on 06/14/2012
It's far easier to blame anything else than to take responsibility for their own actions.
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donwords
04:24 PM on 06/07/2012
My jaw dropped. Now I can't eat solid food.
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mygailbaby
Am Everywoman not Superwoman.
04:00 PM on 06/07/2012
Perhaps, the divorce rate would be far less if people forgave instead of seeking divorce after a spouse cheats.

know it hurts but some are setting themselves up for a lot of unhappiness later than the actions of cheating spouse could have brought on.
08:34 PM on 06/09/2012
Disagree. Why would anyone stay with a person who would deliberately shame and hurt them in such a manner. Selfish people aren't lovable. I advise forgiveness if it's possible because it's better for the wronged party. Forgive and move on to someone better who really loves you and wouldn't put their own selfish wants above what's best for you as a couple.
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mygailbaby
Am Everywoman not Superwoman.
09:38 AM on 06/11/2012
Ok. Forgiveness is good for all. Who isn't selfish? People make mistakes, sometimes more that once and it hurts those they are supposed to love and cherish.

I have read research that says most 2nd marriages fail, so we have people who just keep hoping and searching for something/one better but never find it, thought momentarity think they have. The grass is alwyas greener on the other side until you get there. I sincerely wish for all who seek to find happiness but we have to be ready to temper our punishment, be patient and forgive.

Men have always cheated and now women cheat just as much too. It is a shame and something some have to try to live with. In no way am I saying it is right to cheat but, we have become a generation of "if it feels good do it" in almost all things.

Have a good day.