Bouvie And Me: Things I Learn From My Dog

Over the holidays, I went to see the movie, "Marley & Me," which is based on The New York Times bestselling autobiographical book, Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog, by journalist John Grogan. In brief, this is the sentimental story of a newlywed couple who learns important, meaningful life lessons from their adorable, but naughty, neurotic, and very much out-of-control, dog, "Marley," a yellow Labrador Retriever. Described as the "world's worst dog," Marley nonetheless grows, both literally and figuratively, into one of the most important "people" in the Grogan family.

While this is not the place to review the film critically, I will say that I enjoyed it a great deal. In the spirit of full disclosure, I also must add that I'm a dog lover and owner, which, to be sure, makes a movie like "Marley & Me" much more appealing and entertaining, especially for adults. Heck, I still get tears in my eyes when I think about the ending of the movie, "Old Yeller," one of the most memorable films from my early childhood. Speaking of tears, if you do happen to see "Marley & Me," be sure to bring extra tissues! There must be something special about those "old yeller dogs!"

As I said, I have a dog and, like Marley, he's also special and one of the most important members of my family. However, he is not "yeller," nor is he naughty, neurotic (at least not too much!), or out-of-control. I'm talking about "Bouvie," a black-dark gray, Dutch-bred Bouvier des Flandres, who was born to "royalty" in Europe with the official name, Tynan Inca van de Duca Vallei. Since many people are unfamiliar with the Bouvier breed, the household name, "Bouvie," stuck with him even before he arrived at only nine weeks old (and could be held in one of my hands!) in North America as a way to help them remember it.

Also like Marley, Bouvie, without question, has taught me many important, meaningful life lessons over the years. Among other things, he's trained (unlike the incorrigible Marley) as a "therapy dog" and has proven his weight in gold (he's now a 100-pound "lap dog") working closely with Alzheimer's patients; that is, he provides affection and comfort to them. This gives you a good idea of Bouvie's temperament, since a good therapy dog must be friendly, patient, confident, at ease in all situations, and gentle. Moreover, they must enjoy human contact and be content to be petted and handled, sometimes clumsily and aggressively.

Bouvie's influence on me and others, however, goes well beyond his "official" role as a working therapy dog. Like the key messages conveyed in both the book and movie, "Marley & Me," life with Bouvie has been--and continues to be--filled with many meaning moments. Indeed, while only a "dog" to some, Bouvie is much more than "Man's Best Friend" to me. Over and over again, he's established himself to be an exceptionally wise mentor and confidant, during good times and not-so-good times. Importantly, he's demonstrated to me that too often I, like many others, become so focused on the many "tasks" that need to be accomplished day to day that I lose touch with the so-called "simple" things in life. Indeed, it is always great to have "someone" in your life, like Bouvie, who can help you slow down to remain aware of what really matters in life, as well as enjoy life's blessings and meaningful moments. This kind of relationship, like the one between Bouvie and me, is itself an important source of meaning!

To be sure, I've learned a great deal from Bouvie. Among other things, I know that he helps to keep me grounded when the complexity of life in all of its dimensions begins to overwhelm me. As my mentor, he constantly reminds me to appreciate what I have and not fret so much over what I don't have. And as my personal trainer and therapy dog, Bouvie stands ready to coach and guide me to live a simple, healthy, and meaningful life. Of course, it's totally up to me to listen to his cues.

I would now like to share with you some of the life lessons that I've learned from Bouvie so far. To show my respect for Bouvie's innate wisdom, I call these key lessons of life the "Tao" of Bouvie.

THE "TAO" OF BOUVIE:

* Start each day with a happy attitude
* Greet each person you meet with enthusiasm
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
* Don't be afraid to stick your head out of the window
* Don't hold grudges for very long
* Support those in need of a friend
* Explore everything as you walk through the day
* When someone is having a bad day, be supportive
* Take plenty of rests to re-energize so that you are ready for the next adventure
* Loyalty is a virtue, so be loyal
* Play is good
* Food is better (appreciate every meal like it is your last)
* A ball is all you need to feel fulfilled
* Relieve yourself regularly to help reduce stress
* Set your limits by marking your spot
* Accept treats and a kind pat on the head whenever they are offered
* Protect those you love and who love you
* Show your passion and enthusiasm with gusto
* When you see loved ones, act as if you haven't seen them for years
* Be your authentic self
* Display love unconditionally

The real challenge for me, and I suspect for most people, is to act upon and manifest these meaningful guidelines in my own life with consistency and integrity, that is, to walk them not just talk about them. I reminded of a bumper sticker that I came across years ago that read, "Be the kind of person that your dog thinks you are!" How a propos, don't you think?!

So, now what about you? What are you learning from your dog? Or from any other kind of pet that may be a significant part of your life? What things would you like to add to the above list? Even if you don't have a dog or pet, please know that Bouvie and I would love to hear your comments about this post and list too!

***

You can find out more about Dr. Alex Pattakos, author of the international bestselling book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, in his HuffPost Bio and at http://www.prisonersofourthoughts.com. See also his "Dr. Meaning" Channel on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/DrMeaning. You can contact Alex at: [e-mail].

Comments

[debbekennedy]

I too loved the Tao of Bouvie.
My love goes to two Irish Alley Cats and they teach me new things all the time. Over the holidays, I nearly lost Colleen. The vet pronouced her imminent death. Gave it three days max. She had lost two pounds rapidly. It was devastating. Even her sister, Katie Kitty, seemed sad at the probability. Colleen continued to get worse. Her back legs dragging --- she could hardly move --- so the decision was made that in the morning it was time to put her out of her misery. She must have heard all the talk or her sister whispered in her ear. The following morning, she jumped into morning with two favorite toys, prancing and rolling around full of life. She remains thin, but gaining and continues to enjoy her 9th life without a trace of a limp.
Debbe

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Hurray for Colleen! And we should also praise Katie Kitty and you! I'm sure that the love and support you both gave her helped in some way. What, I should ask, did you learn from this harrowing experience? What "seed of meaning" did you discover? Thanks for sharing!

[BabsfromKansas]

When my daughter was living on her own in a studio in NYC and quite sick, we got her a little rescue pug puppy. That wild little "Tazmanian devil" is now 11 and arthritic and deaf. She has been our daughter's angel, "child", and best friend. Because of this silly little princess of a pooch, I now have 2 pugs, and my son and his wife have2 pugs. They never cease to make us laugh. Best of all, my old curmudgeon of a hubby, who never ever believed in a "house dog", softens and giggle sat their antics.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

It sounds like your first pug puppy was the one who did the "rescuing!" Thanks for sharing a bit of your wonderful, loving experiences with your pugs. Go "house dogs!" :) Bouvie

[searchingforzen]

I adore my terrier. I find it amazing how her body language portrays her feelings! Although she is now eight years old, her gait is puppy-like when she brings me a toy to entice me to play. At other times she will hunker down low and stalk some imaginary prey throughout my house...so amusing and entertaining! I know she reads me even more precisely than I do her...the joy of being owned by a dog!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Nicely said! "She reads me even more precisely than I do her." Ain't that the truth?! Indeed, the joy of being owned by a dog! Thank you so much for sharing! Bouvie

[PatA]

I must add something about coyotes, another "dog" as far as I am concerned. I recently walked an entire ranch that a friend owns. I was looking for cows that might have new calves. I found a few. The amazing thing that happened is that a female coyote shadowed me through the entire property. I felt
so special (and pretty) because she had sensed that I was there for good deeds. She did not pay a bit of attention to the newborn calves.

I was standing in my orchard about 15 years ago and I felt that someone was watching me. It was midnight and a full moon. I turned and a large coyote was standing about 20 feet from me. Let me
assure you that I don't feel that I am "connected" (on that "animal wheel thingy) with coyotes in particular. I talked to him about the crop of apples and he would turn his head and listen. I honestly think that he was sending a message about my being patient..I took it to heed and not only did the apple crop turn out to be the best ever, I took his lesson to heart and patience paid off in other areas of my life.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

What wonderful (and meaningful) stories of "coyote wisdom!" Thank you so much for sharing them with us. Although my post is about my "dog" (o.k., Bouvie, you're more than a dog! :)), the underlying message applies to all kinds of living creatures--animals and other critters alike--whether they happen to be our "pets" or not. I've received emails from people, for example, who have pet snakes and who passionately described what they have learned or are learning from them. In your comment, you now added another and very interesting dimension to this conversation--our interactions and associated learning with animals in the "wild," that is, another kind of "dog," the coyote. Again, thank you for this wonderful contribution!

[Arthur Rosenfeld - Huffpost Blogger]

This is a wonderful post, Dr. Pattakos! I greatly appreciate your ability to take your particular lens, and the profound view of the world it gives you, and use it to find wisdom and meaning in what would, at first blush, seem to be unlikely places. Great and thought-provoking work.

Arthur Rosenfeld

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Hello, Arthur. Thank you for your very kind comment! I feel blessed to be able to stand on the shoulders of such a wonderful and great human being, Viktor Frankl. His life and legacy have influenced significantly my view of the world by helping to shape my "particular lens" as you called it. I also want to thank you for your friendship and meaningful contributions to humanity. Kali Chronia (Happy New Year)!

[Danmatos]

Hi Dr. Pattakos

I loved this article! I am from Brasil and I like logoteraphy so much.

I am working at a company and I would like to learn more about Logotherapy at companies. I bought your two books. They are fantastic.

Do you know a any others articles or books about this subject?

Thanks for help.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear "Danmatos,"
Thank you for your very kind reviews of both this article and my books. You'll be interested to know that a Portuguese edition of "Prisoners of Our Thought" will soon be released in Brasil by Editora Rocco Ltd. If you send me an email (mailto:[e-mail]), I'd be happy to send you a list of resources on Logotherapy, including contact information for a number of Logotherapy Societies in your country. Not too long ago, you'll also be interested to know, I worked with a company in São Paulo on bringing more meaning to its corporate culture, products, and services. I look forward to hearing from you by email. Thanks again!

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Alex, I love your post and Bouvie - you are one gorgeous doggie and infinitely huggable.

I do not have a favourite pet but have taken care of others'. It is inspiring to me how the animals we love give us so much without saying a word.

Thank you for sharing Bouvie and his wisdom.

With love,
Anne

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

You are most welcome! Hugs, Bouvie

[ARTIST50]

Being a dog lover, I have learned many lessons from my specials friends. If you read Marley and Me and loved it I suggest you read Merle's Door. It's a beautiful book about a man and his relationship with his dog. My brother is in a nursing home and they have a bit yellow mutt named Mellow that lives there and welcomes each guest with a smile and demands a pat on the head and then he wanders from room to room for companionship. There couldn't be better therapy. Wherever Mellow goes a smile is sure to follow!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for suggesting "Merle's Door," as well as for sharing a little about Mellow! We totally agree with you that, like what you are describing at your brother's nursing home, "there couldn't be better therapy" than dogs like Mellow (and, of course, Bouvie)! Alex & Bouvie

[sfgirl2009]

Lessons Learned from Ernie the Cat in San Francisco:
1) Learn how to say no...even if that means you have to give some one a little bite to make your point.
2) Go ahead and ask...you just might get it (for Ernie this is usually food related).
3) Be loyal....cats are very loyal too, contrary to popular belief.
4) Show affection, even if it's embarassing and makes you drool (this is my personal favorite).
5) Play! Play! Play!
6) Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
7) Have a skill and try to perfect it (for Ernie this is bug hunting...houseflies beware!)
8) Try it! It might taste good! (who knew dust bunnies were tasty)
9) Crows are evil and need to be watched at all times even if it's just through a window (this is really an Ernie thing, no need to apply it to your life.)
10) Bite the hand that feeds you occasionally...it keeps things interesting! :)
To sum up...I love this cat! He adds so much to my life and my boyfriend's life. He is the center of our home and we wouldn't trade him for the world. Ernie was abandoned in a dumpster as a kitten, who knew you could find a diamond in the trash. Support your local SPCA!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Go Ernie! You sound like my kind of "cool" cat! And don't worry, I drool some times too! Bouvie

Now my turn. Thanks for sharing these wonderful lessons learned from you cat, Ernie! Regarding your Number 9, it's probably not a bad idea to keep our (human) eyes out for the "crows" in life. If we had been more like Ernie, our country probably wouldn't be in the mess that it currently finds itself! Alex

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

You never cease to amaze me, Alex! Your writing is terrific, uplifting, and real. Bravo. And, a bravo for Bouvie, as well. By the looks of your furry friend, my Rosie Bell Barker (an 11 year old Wheaton Terrier) could develop a real love affair.

Not a day goes by when Rosie doesn't teach us something. This morning, when I returned from the gym, after a particularly grueling workout with my trainer, I came in the house, and flopped down for a few minutes before taking on the stairs. Rosie sensed my pain, bounding over to the couch and tried to lick my pooped leg through the workout pants. If this isn't love, well, what it?

Her sence of immediacy, guided by presence inspires us each and every day.

Happy New Year, Alex. All good things your way,
Cara

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Wow, Cara, you are making me blush! Actually, both Bouvie and I are blushing since he has a "thing" for Wheaton Terriers! He asked me to ask you to say "hello" to Rosie for him. Happy New Year to you and Rosie too! You are the best!

[Emmagoldmanbabe]

I would add one thing to your Doggie Tao:

Give yourself entirely to life's pleasures. I good belly-scratch can make your whole day.

My Chows teach me so much, and I am grateful to them for their devotion.

[saami]

Cats are my preferred pet. They also teach many wise things. Always keep your dignity no matter what happens. If you purr when you meet someone they will inevitably pet you. Sleep on it is always good advice. Stay warm. Seek out sun beams. Snuggle with your friends whenever possible and especially when they are hurting (a little purring always helps too). Play, use simple things they bring you joy. Try to always land on your feet.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

"Purr"-fect advice! Thanks for sharing. Trying to always land on your feet is especially timely!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Your Chows are obviously an important source of meaning for you too! Thanks for sharing.

[Diogenis]

Aleko, I greet you from Cairo, Egypt. In the crazy tapestry of Egyptian life, dogs and cats roam freely on the streets. They're content, finding their food from the trash literally thown on the streets here. I miss my dog Max who is with friends in PA.! They treat him like a dog.!! Yet..Max has been my family for years. He understands what I say in English...or Greek. And..I understand him...even in our silence. The greatest lesson I learned from Max...is unconditional love, a love that is indeed hard to find today. It is no wonder that it is said: "Dog, man's best friend!" I just wish he could be there at the airport in Pittsburgh....to welcome me home, for his welcome is always enthousiastic and sincere. Speaking of Egypt..I could write volumes on my experiences. I wish you XPONIA POLLA, HAPPY NEW YEAR...and with my blessings. I'm thinking....God must indeed welcome dogs. Can't imagine heaven without them. (smiley)!

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Diogenis, KALI XPONIA! POS EISTE; (Happy New Year! How are you?). It is great to hear from you. Thanks for adding a cross-cultural dimension to this conversation, as well as for your "heavenly" insights! I also wonder, can it be said: "Man, Dog's Best Friend?!" If only....

[BabsfromKansas]

Will you be back in time to dance with me on the 20th??

http://www.lepawsbakery.com/images/pug_licking_lips.jpg

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Hum, sounds like a date! Bouvie

[PatA]

When I posted my stories, I was crying and I left out that
Tippy was my compass. In certain ways, he still is. After
he died, I would hear toenails on the wood floors. He was, and still is,
checking on me. I wish that I could be the type human that he was a
dog. We had a bond that transcended anything that I've ever had
with a human. What a wise, wise dog. I loved your writing about
your "mentor".

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank YOU (and Tippy) again! What a great way to describe Tippy's influence on you--your "compass!" I'm sure that he still is checking on you too! And you've set a goal that all humans would benefit from trying to achieve as well! Blessings, Alex & Bouvie

[jbedward]

Alex: A great story you share, for I believe a good column is not a column but a good story.

I too am a person who finds lessons from my dogs. Prior to marriage, Sancho Panza and I tackled the days together. I began taking Sancho to work every day from the time he was 8 weeks old. Upon sharing with clients and friends I had brought him to work, I began to find more appointments came to my office to meet this bundle of fuzz. Sanchie (his nick name bestowed by a friend's 3 year old) is a golden retriever.
He too, over time has shared the same meaningful lessons that your pup Bouvie has gently shared.

Passion for our fuzzy friends, I believe comes from our own intuitive appreciation for their pursuit of the things that keep us positive, happy, fulfilled and more balanced in life, which Alex you so eloquently listed.
The key to my everlasting friendship with Sanchcie is deeply tied to his ability to live the fine & meaningful qualities we all seek to live out each day, for which he seems to do so effortlessly. He is my teacher.

Thanks for the story and the Tao List for Bouvie. I have printed it out and plan to share it with many friends¦who have "best friends" or not.
John Edward

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, John, for the excellent (and very meaningful) comment! I'm still wagging my tail! :) Bouvie

[PatA]

Two short stories here. My late "Tippy" traveled with me to rodeos all over the United States. (I am photographer) We lived on a ranch and early on he decided that large animals were not to be trusted near me. We would arrive at a rodeo and he would begin growling and telling me that "this is not one of your best ideas, Mom"..One day (Rabbit Brush, Arizona) there was a huge wreck in the arena and I was right out in front of the men and animals..suddenly, I saw a movement from my left and Tippy had leapt out of my truck window, climbed a hog wire fence and was on his way to rescue me. Only second time that Tippy ever broke discipline.( he also was incensed when a bull, half Angus and half Bison, almost got me due to my mistake) First time was when a coyote yelled obsenities at him and he had to defend himself by jumping out truck window and giving chase.

Second story. My daughter and I have rescued 9 greyhounds from racing tracks and trainers. The last one, of mine, was "Smutty". A funnier dog I have never seen. My daughter has "Stormin Norman" and he became blind at the age of two. My 5 year old granddaughter is his "seeing eye dog"..Marie Laveau, a Katrina rescue, is his other helper. Norman maintains with the grace of his breed. He is truly greyt.

Now, I'm bawling.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

What wonderful (and meaningful) "short stories!" Thank you for sharing them. I can "see" (and feel) why you started bawling. Tippy, Smutty, Stormin Norman, Marie Laveau, and your other dogs naturally know how to pull at your heart strings, don't they? Now if we can only get humans to do the same thing! Thanks again.