A few weeks after giving birth to Kai, an acquaintance of mine had a baby and posted on Facebook "every day feels like Christmas morning" in regards to life with a newborn.
In essence, I was not feeling like every day was Christmas morning. Far from it. I was feeling a range of emotions from overwhelming love and gratitude, to total despondency and doubt.
Questions started going through my head like,
"Is this how I'm supposed to be feeling?"
"Why does everyone else seem so happy?"
"I feel guilty that I even feel this way."
Later I found out that she, too, had total meltdown days. I'll talk more in a future post of what life with a baby is really like!
Fast forward a few weeks and I received an email from a good friend who said he was feeling stuck, and that it was hard to look at social media and feel like everyone around him was getting married, or having babies, or going on life-changing trips.
That's why this post needs to be written. Because it is not as easy as it looks.
I created a free self-love guide for other mother's who want to feel more calm and joy in their daily lives.
You may have seen me post on Facebook and Instagram some of the below pictures, showing me happy, made-up and smiling surrounded by love. Those moments totally exist and are awesome.
The things I didn't post:
The days that I didn't have time to put on grown-up clothes. Or piling up laundry that needed to get done. Or me and Peter getting in a fight because we both thought the other was going to pick up dinner.
Because that would be kind of weird. And they're not the moments I want to focus on in my life.
Social media is a reel of highlights of people's lives. They're the moments we enjoy sharing with others and projections of who we are as well as who we wish to be.
It can be connecting, but it can also be isolating. Especially when we use comparison as a measuring stick of how our lives, relationships, and jobs should look.
But there is connection in those feelings, too. Because we are all human. We have ebbs and flows. We have off days, weeks or even months. We get to experience the range of emotion that is available to us.
The trick is to realize that you are never stuck because everything is always changing. That can feel a wee bit scary, but it can also be incredibly liberating. If we've gotten into the same thought patterns or habits over time, such as, "Everyone is always in a happy relationship but me" we can begin to think that is who we are.
So remember that there is constant flow and change -- that you can move forward. And that no one's life is always as easy as it may appear.
One thing I love that has been proven to make us happier, especially if we're feeling stuck, is to embrace an "ikigai" which roughly translates to "the reason you get up in the morning".
In Dan Buettner's study of Blue Zones, he explores the lessons for living longer from areas of the world where people live the longest. Okinawa is one of these places, and the older generation of people can all tell you their purpose and reason they get up in the morning. One woman who is 101 years old said her "ikigai" is to hold her great great great granddaughter every day. When asked what it's like to hold her, she smiled and replied, "it's like leaping into heaven."
For months I was feeling stuck, knowing I couldn't move back into my old life but unsure how to forward into my new one. Right now my purpose is seeing my baby smile at me when I get him out of his crib (nothing lights me up more!), slowly training for a triathlon and being of service to others.
If you're feeling stuck, think of what is your ikigai, no matter how small it may seem.
I created a simple 5 step guide to help you create greater self-love, happiness and calm. You can get it free here.
Know that things are always in the flow and start to notice how you are a part of that. And use social media as an awesome tool to connect! But if you notice it's making you feel kind of icky, take a break for a bit, it's okay.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.