Some time ago I was in a horrible crash. And I think I still have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whenever I come near any sensation anything like it, I shut down, unable to deal with the emotions that rise up in me... I'm still not over the Republican take over.
I haven't really spoken about this for a while. I mostly hide out on the comedy page. Sometimes I'll sneak onto the entertainment page. It's safe there. It's warm and sometimes there are snacks.
I suppose it goes all the way back to the Bush/Gore election. I wont ever set foot in Florida again. That useless tag of land can fuck off if they think I'll give 'em a cent of my tourism dollar. I'm so damaged that I can't even watch the Kevin Spacey HBO movie about the election, Recount. I know it's only a movie. A movie, mind you, about an event, which happened over ten years ago. My brain intellectually knows this, but my body kicks into fight or flight mode. I get upset, need to breathe into a paper bag and then I have to pop an Ativan and turn the movie off. It's not pretty.
And then there was the Kerry/Bush election. A decorated war hero versus a -- well, we all know we weren't dealing with a guy who passed a test in much of anything. The entire election was like one big Backwards Day. In fact, the whole eight years was like our nation was stuck in some Stockholm syndrome haze where, post 9/11, we wouldn't leave our government captor's side: "We know what you did to us was wrong, but we need you to keep us safe!"
So we voted for change all that feel good stuff, and The Boss played The Rising at the Inauguration and everything was supposed to be awesome, man, and different -- but I'm still furious. Bailouts and threats of government shut downs. Bickering, Birthers, and baby whining shit. Cuts of programs that help your fellow man and people losing their houses while billionaires pad their Swiss bank accounts. As things get dire, these dickheads find more trivial things to pander and pout about. Fiddling while the Redwoods are burning.
Our current Congress is really lucky we all seem so tired. My fellow countrymen parked it in front of Real Housewives while real change happened in Egypt. We casually commented on Twitter as we watched Egyptians revolt: "Those people actually stand up to their government. Wow, you can, like, do that?" Um, yeah. It's how we got here in the first place.
For all the flag waving and heart holding that these great congressmen do, they certainly don't take care of their own. Not voting for a Health Care plan may mean an eventual crappy tee-off time for Boehner, but for me it means I don't get the medications that are currently keeping me alive. That's the kind of Potterville snap decisions that are all in an uncaring days work for most of the GOP (and some of the DNC). However, I really start to have crash flashbacks when they throw in something fantastical: Now they're making 9/11 responders go through a terrorist screening process before they can get their heath care? What happened to the GOP being the party of the patriots? What kind of through the looking glass acid trip lunacy is this? You had the whole "We're the most patriotic party" shit on lock down. What the hell are you guys doing? You're the human centipede of politics.
At some point I hit tilt and my PTSD kicks in. I shake and shiver and almost black out and all I can do is shake my fist and say...
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THEY PAID SNOOKI 32K TO SPEAK AT RUTGERS?"
Now, don't get me wrong, that certainly is a true insult to higher education. It's also an insult to kindergartens across our great land. I know it seems incongruous. I know it doesn't make sense. Some might say it's not where my anger should be focused. Well, it's where my focus is, because it's all I can handle without choking. It's easy to get mad at it because it's not life or death. But for me it seems like it is.
I seethe at it. I'm pissed off that a daft socialite known for a graphic sex tape is selling Sketchers and has a multi-million dollar reality empire. Why are we watching swapping wives and cake bosses instead of intelligent Aaron Sorkin programs? I'm really sick of hearing Gwyneth Paltrow trying to sing. Who does she think she is? Give someone talented a chance. Make her stop! Who are these monsters famous for nothing, yet loved by all? Ignore them and they will go away!
For right now, for today, that's the battle I feel I have the strength to fight without having a full-blown panic attack.
I know it's trivial. I know it's not much. But with the reality/celebrity freak show, I know I can stay mad. I can stay sharp and snarky, until I can overcome this psychic wound, this car crash of a tumble I took along with a lot of people in this nation. I can sharpen my claws at the insanity and injustice of the money lavished on Paris Hilton's dog's Vegas birthday party or Lindsay Lohan's umpteenth trial for... (what did she do again?), because it ultimately doesn't matter. But what it does do is waken the sleeping tiger inside me, and train her and make her stronger, and keep her very, very hungry. And believe me, politicians, I've been keeping track.
When I lick this political PTSD, when I am back and ready for battle, corrupt government had better watch the fuck out. Hell hath no fury like a wounded political wit.
I'm coming back.