Spiritual Tips for Maximizing Your Energy is a regular series dedicated to helping people bring more consciousness to their everyday choices in order to live with more confidence, aliveness, and joy. Check out all my tips on my author page.
Spiritual Tip #3: Give Up Guilt
Whenever a family member calls to talk, or asks for a favor or visit at a time when I'm already preoccupied with something else, I often feel guilty saying I can't. I beat myself up thinking, "What kind of a daughter/sister/niece am I not to drop everything for one of the most important people in my life?"
I'm aware that given my busy life trying to balance the needs of my household with my own personal needs, I've got to keep things moving along according to plan just to stay afloat. It hardly even feels like I'm being selfish, since I often feel like I, myself, am being left out of the equation. But I still feel bad because I wish I could be everything to everyone.
Just the other day, in fact, I cut my mom off while we were on the phone because I wanted to exercise. I felt terrible, particularly because she's always there for me and will talk to me endlessly when I call her. I didn't want to be inconsiderate of her needs or leave her feeling like she didn't matter to me.
But my baby had just gone down for her nap, and if I missed my window, it would be another day gone by without my making time to get back in shape. I knew, too, that in the big picture, if I don't take care of my body, I won't have the strength, endurance and energy to be as good of a mom to my kids as I'd like, which I'd say is a noble intention.
The problem was that what I wanted in that moment conflicted with what I perceived my mom as wanting, leaving me in the position of having to make a choice. Either I could do what I wanted, but feel guilty that I wasn't accommodating her wishes, or I could put her first and feel frustrated that once again I didn't exercise (not to mention I'd miss out on the endorphins that would make me feel good). Neither option would make me happy.
I'm certain that I'm not alone when it comes to this type of situation. Feeling guilty is very common, and most of the time, it's a needless drain on our energy. The good news is that we can all be free of that feeling because, more often than not, guilt is totally unnecessary.
Just to clarify, guilt does in fact play an important role in the human psyche. Its purpose is to help us do right by others, thereby ensuring our acceptance and safety within our tribe. This kind of guilt is useful.
So, if you are indeed contemplating some untoward action, and feeling guilty as a result, your consciousness is doing its job properly. This is where you wouldn't want to stop at just feeling guilt. In this case, it's advisable to reconsider your actions.
However, I'd be willing to bet that you're not working out some evil plot, but rather, that your intentions are good and the risk of collateral damage to your relationships is low. In fact, more than likely, your conflict is more of an internal one.
Usually what's really happening is you're experiencing a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart knows what's best in the big picture, and sometimes, but not always, the corresponding course of action may not look good in this moment.
Perhaps you fear it might appear "selfish" to others, so your head cleverly devises a plan to preserve the image your ego wants to hold of you as a virtuous, responsible, and caring person. And what is that plan? You guessed it, to saddle you with guilt! That guilty feeling is your mind's way of telling you that you do in fact care about others, even if you're choosing to do something for yourself instead of for them.
Dealing with guilt actually overlaps with an earlier article I wrote about Competing Intentions. And in both cases, the antidote is simply committing to a making a clear, conscious choice. If you just listen to your inner wisdom, trust in your own goodness, and make it okay to follow your heart's guidance, you will have the glorious opportunity to free yourself of that guilty feeling. And consequently, you'll be rewarded with a nice energy boost.
All you have to do to unload your guilt is follow these three simple steps:
- Pause for a few minutes to reflect on the situation at hand, and ask your Self what choices are available to you.
- Once you've defined your options, ask your Self which one will serve you and the greater good most in this particular situation. Be quiet and still while you focus your attention into your heart and listen for an answer.
- Once you've heard the answer, commit to it fully. Communicate your choice lovingly, clearly and respectfully to anyone who needs to know, and move forward without looking back.
The truth is that, in the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter which choice you make. The key is that you make a decision and move forward with gusto and the confidence that you're making the best choice for yourself in that moment. You'll find this approach leads to a virtuous cycle in which you'll feel more joyful and alive, and you'll have the energy to do more for others while also spreading positivity to everyone around you as a natural byproduct.
Following your heart does not make you selfish; it makes you wise. So what's there to feel guilty about?!
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