It's embarrassing for most people to admit how much time they actually spend on social media, and we moms are among the worst offenders! If we're not bragging about our kids, we're b*tching about them. If we're not shouting about how much we love our life with our little blessings via status updates, we're crying about how difficult the little monsters have made it.
Now, I'll be honest: I am guilty of being a repeat offender on a few of these... OK, all of these. And I dare you not to relate to at least one (or eight.)
Go ahead, I'm sure no one's judging.
1. You post an obnoxious amount of pictures of your adorable children.
2. Your status updates tend to include stories about your kids that can occasionally (ahem, frequently) involve a little TMI.
3. You do birthday boasts declaring how absolutely wonderful your child/husband/partner is, and the sappy anniversary shout-outs about how your love is like a fine wine that just keeps getting better and better with time.
4. You post motivational quotes, which is just flat-out annoying.
5. You request to follow private Instagram accounts just so you can troll the pictures and comments, but never actually comment or like any of them.
6. You're either too happy, and pissing off the mom who's having a hard day (or life)... or you're a Debbie Downer, pissing off the Positive Polly who only sees the bright side.
7. You "over-post." On a light day, we may see one picture and no status update from you. On a heavy day? We could see one to two status updates, four Instagram pictures, a link or two shared -- and heck, let's throw in a new photo album of nothing but your kids taking a bath.
8. Lastly, if there is any indication of trouble in paradise via anyone's social media accounts, you'll find out not only what happened, but also who's involved and when it all began. Your full report will be given to your friends on girls' night over four bottles of wine, while the host's husband eavesdrops and texts his whole fantasy football league about what a bunch of batsh*t crazies he's got sitting in his living room. Yes, you are a social media private investigator.
Originally published on Scary Mommy.