THE BLOG
06/10/2014 04:02 pm ET Updated Aug 10, 2014

Do You Often Find Yourself at the Train Station When Your Ship Comes In?

The first time it happens, you shrug it off as no big deal. The second draws a sign of frustration with a hope that you'll have better luck next time. The third time, now here we have a trend forming. Before you know it, half a lifetime has gone by. You've watched as others have moved forward farther, seemingly with a lot less effort and struggle.

Could "worthiness" have something to do with it?

"No way," you state with a voice louder than normal. "I'm as worthy as the next guy."

Are you worthy... really?

Of course you are!

While there is no such thing as "un-worthiness," we all have thoughts, ideas, beliefs, attitudes and judgments that have seeped in our sub-conscious that have us suspecting we are not quite as "deserving" as we want to believe. Of course, this is not what we show the world. Anything but.

What is worthiness?

What it is not is a new name for self-esteem or self-worth. Worthiness resides much deeper within us. The state of worthiness is an inner knowingness of our innocence and value that translate into the things we desire but with less effort and struggle.

Many people mistake worthiness for entitlement. They reason:

"I am worthy because I have worked hard, struggled, paid my dues, raised good kids, gave to charities and have helped many others along the way. Now it is my turn. I deserve to have success and prosperity. I am worthy!"

Entitlement causes things to come to you (hopefully) because of how you feel about what you "did" in the past. Worthiness allows for you to attract and hold onto success, happiness and fulfillment because of who you know you "are."

There are two aspects to worthiness. They are opposites but not equal. The first is "going out and getting." This is about setting goals, working hard, being resilient and if we need to... working even harder to achieve what we want to achieve.

The second aspect to worthiness is about being willing and able to create and receive. It is our capacity to "allow" more and more success to happen and for us to receive the benefits, whether we worked hard (or not at all) for what's coming to us in every and all moments.

Our mind set, education system, work ethic and culture pervades the idea of doing, getting, taking and having. Most people are pretty good at one or more of these. Almost no time or investment is made in teaching us how to allow ourselves to receive in greater amounts, faster and then even faster after that.

Most of us are unskilled at this three-dimensional aspect of success and run away from good things if they come to us in too much quantity or faster than we can comprehend, process or appreciate.

"Hunkin, what are you talking about?" you say. "I can take it all and as fast as you can give it to me! Bring it on, brother."

OK, tell you what. Just stand there while I reach into my pocket and pull out this huge wad of bills. Here's $10, $20, $30, $100, $200, $1000, $5,000... $10,000... no strings attached, just because you're you.

I will bet the rent that, at some point, usually sooner rather than later, you'll be running down the street to get away from this lunatic who is giving you more "than I really deserve" ... not what I "believe" I deserve but what I "suspect" I deserve in the deepest recesses of your mind.

Worthiness plays a part in every single choice and decision we make but it's kind of like diabetes. You mostly don't feel it having an impact on a daily basis. You only see the results over time... under performance, struggle, relationships that take too much work (or not being in relationship at all) and even chronic poor health can often be attributed to one or more hidden worthiness factor.

I have been researching this principle since 1995 and have developed a visual model that explains a new way of understanding this important dynamic. Recently I released a book called Your Worthiness Cycle that shows more clearly the roller coaster we all get into that holds us back from reaching our potential. With fresh understanding you'll be able to break free from the cycle and regain control over in areas that are important to your overall success.

Now think back. The interesting thing about often being at the train station when your ship comes in is that you were very likely sitting at the pier waiting for your ship first. You knew where you needed to be. However, something convinced you to move from where you intuitively knew was the right place at the right time and toddle on over to wait for the train. We do this in our career, business and in especially relationships, both personal and professional.

Take it from me, hearing the ship's fog horn way off in the distance as you sit on a bench next to the tracks is not fun, especially the third or forth time.

Once you understand your personal worthiness dynamic you will be able to catch yourself earlier, when you're tempted to resist (sub-consciously) what you know will bring you deep personal happiness and fulfillment.

"Worthiness is a level of mindfulness within us where our pent up resistance to success, happiness and fulfillment is no longer in control."

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Allan Hunkin has been involved in personal growth and empowerment for more than thirty years. He is the author of 'Your Worthiness Cycle.' Allan conducts seminars, workshops as well as personal and team coaching. For more information visit Worthiness.com.