Yesterday I was being interviewed on a talk show at the end of which the host asked for my last advice to the audience. What came out was a rather elaborate response flowing through me as if said by someone else. It felt different because I wasn't searching for the right thing to say, the words just came before I knew what I was about to communicate. I was the speaker and the observer at the same time. The notion of the message was that we should live our lives in such a way where our thoughts, words and actions are guided by love and joy. Specifically, as you are about to say something, take note if your words are coming from the place of Love or not. If they are, then say it, if not then reconsider. I have heard others speak of living from Love but never explained quite so succinctly. The powerful message resonated with me so much that I decided to apply my "own" advice. This is what I noticed in the day since.
The interview concluded in the early afternoon and I went back to work. Soon the kids came home and this is where I started noticing subtle but significant differences. Normally, evening time with the children is littered with stress-filled land mines. There is the sister-brother "lovefest," homework, shower and getting ready for bed. All of those prior to last night usually ended up in time-outs, yelling and some sort of punishment. In fact, I believe, because of our previous traumatic experiences we as parents are conditioned to fight. And that is where I found myself, armed and ready for yet another encounter. But as I was about to begin executing the tried and true strategy I stopped and asked if my action was based in love. The obvious answer was no, thus I removed the Kevlar and decided to disengage. When the inevitable cries of "I don't want to" came I hugged instead of pushed and smiled instead of frowned. The math homework was completed, howers (showers with hair as we call them) were done and kids were put to bed with only one short 5-minute time-out during the whole three-hour operation. I wasn't stressed and suffering from PTSD but a relaxed, loving and happy father. Evening was transformed.
Upon awaking and getting my daughter off to school, I began the process of helping my wife and son. I work from home so a part of my routine is assisting my family with theirs. Morning time of getting everyone ready has its own built-in triggers. Fortunately I remembered "my" advice. While making breakfast for my wife I caught myself thinking completely differently. No longer was I focused on doing the very minimum I could get away with such as turning on the teapot, hoping she would do everything else herself and then waiting for additional instructions of what else she needed while I begrudgingly obliged (sorry honey). Instead I boiled the water, recognized there wasn't her favorite tea, went to be basement to find it, didn't find it, asked what she preferred instead, poured it into a cup, washed the raspberries and put them on a plate, packed her desired snacks and did all of that because I truly wanted to.
I find it amazing to see what applying this simple yet profound advice has done in just a day. Ego had been replaced with compassion, frustration gave way to understanding, stress had taken a vacation and smile became a permanent fixture. Anxiety about the future was transformed into a state of peace and tranquility. Wants and needs dissipated. Exercising, eating better, getting fresh air weren't chores but rather expressions of love for my body. The overall feeling became completely different, it is as if things that were holding me back such as negative emotions, blocks and previous programming were all stripped away. I felt lighter, simpler and more whole. As I tuned inward I found nothing. No chatter, no anger, no frustration, just silence and serenity. And I wrote this truly hoping for you to experience the same because as this experience has shown me, love really is the answer.
Allen Vaysberg is an intuitive recalibration expert, speaker, coach and author. Speaking on life purpose, career change, work-life balance and the recalibration process, he effortlessly weaves mainstream and mysterious into practical insight that readers can immediately apply to their lives.