What If Your Children Don't Have Grandparents?

This coming Sunday is Grandparents Day, and while you may be skeptical about the influence grandparents have on grandchildren, let me tell you their impact is enormous and measurable. And it's because of that that I know my children are missing out on so much.

For years, experts have researched the influence of grandparents on the lives of grandchildren. Study after study show that grandparents teach real-life skills grandchildren may otherwise not acquire, pass along family history and traditions they may otherwise never hear or experience, and provide the kind of support and compassion they just can't get from their own parents during those rebellious teen years. One group of researchers even found that children of divorce who have grandparents have fewer emotional problems related to the break-up than children who don't.

A good question, then, is where does this leave the children of parentless parents? My children never got to know my parents. They died when my son, my oldest, was just 18 months old. It's not that my children don't have any grandparents. They do. My in-laws are engaged and exceedingly warm and loving. But my parents were different people, after all, and would have brought their own set of interests and expertise to the grandparent table.

This year for Grandparents Day parentless parents are coming together with a twist on the traditional holiday. On Sunday, October 17 in Yonkers, NY from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. we will celebrate the grandparents our children no longer have in their lives. If you don't live in the NYC area, you can still honor the memory of your parents (and their place in your children's lives) by creating your own celebration.

To learn more about the Parentless Parents version of Grandparents Day search "Parentless Parents" on Facebook. You can also email me directly at [e-mail]

Allison Gilbert's third book "Parentless Parents: How the Loss of Our Mothers and Fathers Impacts the Way We Raise Our Children" will be published by Hyperion in February 2011.

Follow Allison Gilbert on Twitter: www.twitter.com/agilbertwriter

 

 

 

Follow Allison Gilbert on Twitter: www.twitter.com/agilbertwriter

Comments

[cheryl tobin]

01:57 PM on 09/13/2010

I think you might consider the blessing that your children have two grandparents instead of zero grandparents like many kids have.

[sgodawind]

08:08 AM on 09/12/2010

Approx. 10 years ago my son's wife said we could no longer be part of my grandchildrens lives. She has her reasons I guess. We are not perverts,alcoholics or abusers of any kind. We are special needs nurses. We take care of and love children some people do not want to see. I gave up praying for a change of heart when I had breast cancer and still could not see them. I think this is a wonderful idea. I hope you have much success,is heartening to see someone who values Gandparents. A friend of mine said," my kids could always use extra grandparents"and I took her up on that. Although , the tears have not stopped for my Grandchildren, I have wonderful memories with my foster Grandchildren and special needs babies.

[Grada3784]

12:37 PM on 09/12/2010

Bless you that you're willing to do something like this. I know little or nothing about my grandparents, not even names. No history, no tradition, nothing but a few apocryphal stories that might be more fairy tale than reality. Heck, my family has been so oblivious, I learned more about the goings-on my family from the guy in the wheelchair next door than from living as a member of it.

[T Pol]

09:45 PM on 09/12/2010

To you and sgodawind, my deepest sympathies for these voids in your lives. You both sound like you have found a way to cope, but as much as anyone online can share in your sadness, I do.

I lost both my parents in the last 4 years, and my kids really miss them. I'm just grateful they could both live long enough to have a relationship with my children and for them to remember them, which given their ages, isn't easy. But we spend time revisiting the memories so they won't lose them.

Keep reaching out to other kids. What a gift you give.

Hugs from cyberspace {{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}.