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The Lamest Tug-of-War Game Ever

05/25/2011 12:20 pm ET

NBC finally caved and will air the commercial from the Conservative website, Freedomswatch.org.

I visited the Freedomswatch.org website. There's a bald eagle on the front page's banner, which flanks an American flag carved in the shape of the United States. As you probably guessed, the central color theme of the page is red, white, and blue.

On the sidebar, there's a picture of primarily white individuals (it's nice to see Republicans have stopped pretending a lot of black people vote for them) beneath the exclamation: THANK YOU! And beneath: "Learn how you can Support the Troops by clicking here."

I can honestly say there wasn't a single minute that I feared for my life or the sanctity of my most sacredly held liberal ideologies. Sure, conservatives run the site, but so what? There's wasn't vicious libel anywhere -- no one called Hillary Clinton a bitch or liar. The group wants deregulation and hates radical Islam. They want drugs off the streets and lower taxes. No one should be surprised by this agenda.

Last week, FOX news refused to air a commercial staring Danny Glover. The commercial's thesis was that President Bush and his cronies are destroying the Constitution. Actually, taking the Constitution and putting it through an office shredder, if one interprets the commercial literally.

FOX's ban stunk of fear, and so did NBC's initial ban on Freedomswatch.org. If your ideologies can be destroyed by a 30-second clip of an aged actor from Lethal Weapon, they probably weren't made of the same minerals upon which God chiseled the 10 Commandments.

So NBC caved, and FOX did not. This is a model of larger United States politics: the liberals cave, the conservatives give everyone the finger.

The two parties (and television stations) are obviously at odds, and I'm not saying there can ever be hope of some kind of victory until liberals stop pretending like we can co-exist with Bible-thumping, racist, xenophobes.

However, if we can't even air each other's commercials, then we're in more trouble than I initially thought. People can't seriously talk about uniting the country, debating religion vs. science and diplomacy vs. military when we fear each other so greatly that we can't bear the exposure to an opposing philosophy for the duration of a fart.

At least with FOX, they're not pretending to tolerate the liberals on NBC. NBC is the only one guilty of pretending to be tolerant. They smile and condescendingly pat the "crazy patriots" on their heads, and they play their little commercial. Meanwhile, liberal elites chuckle about the silly illiterate zealots.

At summer camp, you were always guaranteed victory in tug-of-war by securing the alliance of the fat kid. With him as your team's anchor, you were destined for victory.

But how do you win an ideological tug-of-war?

Martin Luther King Jr. said you march to peace. George W. Bush said you bomb the shit out the darkies. FOX and NBC say you build walls, cover your ears, and scream so loud that you can't hear your neighbors.

Despite my distaste for the cultural elite, I am glad NBC chose to air the commercial if only to show they are full of love, tolerance, and forgiveness...kind of like this one bearded dude, who lived a long time ago. Stick that one in O'Reilly's craw.