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The Olbermann Factor

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Tonight on his show, indignant liberal pundit, Keith Olbermann, plans on attacking Mrs. Clinton. In Keith's defense, the Clinton camp has offered America a smörgåsbord of divisive comments from supporters like crazy Geraldine Ferraro, who has confused the struggles of privileged white women with those of African-American men. Clinton also has Mark Penn in her camp, former PR-man for Blackwater, the private mercenary firm. So Keith has a lot of material to work with, and I'm sure hilarity will ensue.

I'm glad to see Keith is willing to criticize liberals. For a while, I was really concerned that he had become the left's answer to Bill O'Reilly - yet another loudmouth, egotistical windbag, who confuses his position as an entertainer with legitimate journalist. Legitimate journalists, who we haven't seen since the likes of Edward R. Murrow or Sey Hersh. Thank goodness that hasn't happened.

Since Keith is on this whole balanced journalist kick, I offer a list of other Democrats ripe for investigation:

1. Governor Mike Beebe of Arkansas

It was in Beebe's state where an Arkansas women was left in a holding cell for 4 days, without food or water. She used her shoe as a pillow and drank her own urine to survive. Adriana Torres-Flores, an illegal immigrant, was being held on the very serious charge of selling pirated DVDs and CDs. Far from an isolated incident, Rita Sklar, Executive Director of the A.C.L.U of Arkansas voiced her concern:

"There certainly have been a lot of problems in that corner of the state, in terms of police treatment of Latinos and bigoted statements by government officials," Ms. Sklar said. "We're looking into the general problem in northwest Arkansas of racial profiling and abuse of power."

2. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid

Holy shit, if we think Bush is unpopular, Pelosi and Reid somehow make him look comparatively competent after they sunk Congress's approval rating to the lowest since...well...McCain is probably the only one who remembers the last time the American people had faith in their government. 'Cause he's old. So, so old.

If Bush can dance to the tune of 31%, what crimes of humanity did the Congress commit to receive a stunning 23% from the American people? In short, the Congress has done nothing. They have done nothing to impeach Cheney, Bush, and Rumsfeld. They have done nothing to protect the American people by freezing home foreclosures or holding telecommunications companies accountable for spilling their private records to the government. They have proven themselves to be lazier than the "Do-Nothing" Congress of 1948, gluttonously greedy, and good-for-nothing.

3. Joe Lieberman

Shut up, I know he calls himself an independent, but he's still a LIBERAL independent. Plus, I hate him and would love to see Keith rip him apart on air. Other than selling the Democrats out, I hate Joe because he recently compared hate-monger and obese despot, John Hagee, to Moses. Joe is a political traitor and conniving weasel. He'll say whatever it takes to get donations. Also, he sounds like the dad from Alf, a notorious wet-blanket who constantly cock-blocked Alf's brilliantly hair-brained schemes.

4. Charles Schumer, lover of all hedgehogs

As reported in the Times, Schumer has been busily defending his donors (hedge fund and private equity managers). As part of this brilliant scheme, he has resisted efforts led by members of his own party to single out the industry with a plan that would more than double the taxes on the enormous profits reaped by its executives.

Why were the big, bad Democrats picking on the little hedgehogs? Well, they mainly wanted to raise taxes on hedge funds and private equity firms because the new revenues would go towards "helping to pay for health and education programs and begin to reduce the impact of the alternative minimum tax on the middle class," according to the Times.

Thanks, Chuck. Nice to know whose side you're on.

5. Any Democrat who opposed the FISA bill, including Diane Feinstein

Ms. Feinstein's solution to the illegal wiretapping scandal was not to deny the phone companies immunity, but to establish a secret court that oversees government surveillance inside the United States "the power to dismiss lawsuits if it found that the companies acted in good faith and on the request of the president or attorney general." Mmmm, taste that Democracy.

(I have more, but I figured everyone would stop reading at this point to leave me angrily incoherent replies in the comment section. Fire away.)

If Keith Olbermann is so hellbent on being the anti-O'Reilly, he first needs to actually debate people on his show. O'Reilly is a prick because he invites individuals with viewpoints counter to his own onto his show, and then yells at them before cutting off their mics. Olbermann is a prick because he never invites them in the first place. He lectures his viewers in a classic example of preaching to the choir, huffing and puffing his mantra of "Shame on you Mr./Mrs. ______." We all feel warm and fuzzy, and then we turn off the television.

But that accomplishes nothing, which is why I'm glad to see him go after Hillary. It's an encouraging first step toward the world of journalism that could use an articulate, spirited voice like Olbermann, if only he manages to stay fair, balanced, and all things truly un-O'Reilly.