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Allison Singh

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The Buddha as College Admissions Officer

Posted: 06/13/2012 4:00 pm

I have been thinking a lot about Buddhism lately. Perhaps I am trying to cultivate greater peace in a household with two highly active, destructive and lovable toddlers. Or, it could be the recent photo I came across of a college friend who traded in his legendary libido for the shaved head and brown robes worn at the Buddhist monastery he now calls home.

Whatever the reason, Buddhism is on the brain. And since my brain cross-pollinates, it has naturally asked the question -- what can Buddhism teach us about college admissions?

Let me introduce you to the Buddha as admissions officer. He sits at a circular table, jolly and big-bellied, a fellow officer next to him, a stack of fat applications before him. The other casts a raised eyebrow in the direction of the Buddha's exposed midriff, and waits for him to speak.

The Buddha opens the first application. He scans the list of perfect scores and extra-curriculars, and erupts in laughter.

"Is something funny?" asks the other admissions officer.

"This student is telling me how intelligent she is. If her head is so full of knowledge, how will she ever be able to empty it when she gets here?"

"Why would she want to do that?"

"To find truth." Seeing a blank stare, the Buddha explains, "It is only with a beginner's mind, free of preconceptions, that we can see the truth."

"Well, we can't reject a student for working too hard."

"Why use this word 'work'? I look at this application and see unlimited joy. The joy of scientific discovery, speaking a new language, helping the community and being part of a team. Even this application process of yours, there is such joy in it -- meeting new people, traveling to interesting places, even the joy of finding the right words to express yourself in a personal essay. How could you ever call that work?"

"I'm not sure our applicants would agree. For them, joy means being accepted."

"That will not bring them joy."

"Excuse me? You don't think our applicants are happy to be accepted?"

"They certainly think they are, but if they are chasing happiness they will not find it here. They must stop chasing, and find it within. Then they can take their happiness with them wherever they go to college. We are irrelevant to their happiness, actually. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Buddha, these students have worked so hard for years to be accepted at our college. Is there no joy in the act of accomplishing a goal?"

"Not if they missed the joy present in every moment along the way."

"Well, we need to make a decision on this applicant."

"What is the rush? We have months before the fall semester arrives. Why force these students to live in the future? Let them enjoy the precious present with their family, friends and teachers."

"Then what should we tell her?"

"Tell her to sit with herself, listen, and be at ease with whatever comes."

"Hmmm... we usually go with accept, reject, or waitlist."

"Then reject her. Reject them all."

"But Buddha, you teach about alleviating suffering, not causing it. Why do you want these students to suffer?"

"It is just the opposite. I am shaking them free of their attachment. That is how we Buddhists end suffering."

Now, I am a novice when it comes to Buddhism, and apologize if I have misrepresented its teachings. I only share this cross-pollination experiment because when it comes to college admissions, we can all use a little enlightenment.

 
 
 

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I have been thinking a lot about Buddhism lately. Perhaps I am trying to cultivate greater peace in a household with two highly active, destructive and lovable toddlers. Or, it could be the recent p...
I have been thinking a lot about Buddhism lately. Perhaps I am trying to cultivate greater peace in a household with two highly active, destructive and lovable toddlers. Or, it could be the recent p...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cindbird
Using my head for something other than a hat rack.
08:16 PM on 06/18/2012
I've been a Buddhist practitioner for 15 years. I don't think you "misrepresented" the Teachings. I don't think you understand them well, yet, but it is a funny article. Buddha would have accepted them all, on one condition, that they come, sit before him and explain why knowledge makes one more attuned to suffering. Keeping in mind Buddha taught one thing and one thing only, as he himself said: Suffering and the end of suffering. He would ask each one in what ways knowledge brings suffering and in what way it helps diminish suffering. And that would have been it. He would simply have planted the seed of how to use what they learn in college to help reduce suffering in the world. All are welcome and he would have accepted all.
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Indigo1941
Time traveler.
06:30 AM on 06/17/2012
College or university is no longer the place to develop understanding, it's the place to get job training so you can make a lot of money. Ask anybody.
researcher
researcher
08:54 PM on 06/16/2012
Fun article to read. no need to apologize very well written article.

longing to move beyond just eliminating suffering then: While sitting in the moment meditate on the next logical question after the origin of suffering. problem: less than 2% of the world still does not know what the buddha realized about the origin of suffering.

amazing such a thing exists after 2500 years,

Hint: dont look to religion, materialism, science, or atheism for the answer to either question.

A couple of hindu gurus give some insights. Aurobindo comes the closest to answering that question after the origin of suffering.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Sjoerd W
Always look for common ground.
10:25 PM on 06/16/2012
You may want to do some editing.

Actually formulate those two questions you are referring to.
And less than 2% seems like a fair score, sure you meant that over 98% already figured it out?

Take it or leave it.
12:21 PM on 06/16/2012
I think there would be far more comedy potential in a spoof of you-know-who as college admissions officer (and I don't mean Jesus).
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
cheondo
Read what is there, not your projections
10:25 AM on 06/16/2012
"Now, I am a novice when it comes to Buddhism, and apologize if I have misrepresented its teachings." Why didn't you just to do some research on the Buddha before publishing to a major news outlet? People on here are pretty cruel in their comments.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
solitude1951
04:48 PM on 06/16/2012
Not trying to be cruel. The Buddha was of average stature. You're thinking of a later Buddha named Hote(sp?).
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Jeff Rosenbury
I love all people -- in the abstract
08:26 PM on 06/16/2012
But he was a prince. All his young life he would have been surrounded by people trying hard to become royal servants.

I suspect he would have had understanding and compassion for the applicants. The stresses of today aren't all that different from 2,500 years ago.

He also would have understood enlightenment must be sought. It cannot be forced from the outside.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cindbird
Using my head for something other than a hat rack.
08:28 PM on 06/18/2012
That's Hotei, and he wasn't really a Buddha. He was a Bodhisattva, a Buddhist Saint, not the same thing. He is also known as the Buddhist Santa Clause. The legend is that he carried toys in his pack to give to the children in the villages he passed through in his wanderings. It is also said that he carried food in it to give out as well. He is one of the Seven Shinto-gods of good luck. Everyone knows if you rub his belly you will have good luck. He's also known as "The Laughing Buddha" and some equate him with the Buddha-To-Come Maitreya. His real name was Budai and he was a real monk who lived in China sometime during the Liang Dynasty (907-923 C.E.). His Buddhist name was Qieci or "Promise This". He was a good loving man, is all we really know about him. The other stories are just legends.
ungroundedfaith
My best posts were moderated
05:18 PM on 06/16/2012
It wasn't so bad ;-)