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Five Reasons Why I Am Happy That the Republicans Took over the House of Representatives

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Well the 2010 midterms have come and gone and as expected, it wasn't pretty.

Democrats lost the House thanks to the infusion of the tea party movement, but managed to keep the Senate thanks to the same circumstances.

Now some of my fellow progressives may feel a bit discouraged but I don't. I was there when the Democrats won big in 2006 and 2008 but personally for me, there was no bigger thrill than last night. This entire election had us as the underdogs and speculation was that we were going to sit it out, but we didn't. We roared as well as we could and fought with a hell of a lot of determination. And though Republicans came out as the victors in the House, I don't necessarily feel like a loser. I feel like wounded warrior who just ended a long, bloody siege, battered, bruised, but ready to fight again. I don't feel that me or anyone on my side of the spectrum has anything to be ashamed about.

Now I know the pundits and bloggers will spin the results for weeks to come while the Republicans and tea partiers will gloat like crazy and hold their noses so high up in the air that they won't be able to smell their own mouthwash.

Meanwhile, Democrats and some of us progressives will either be discouraged (or pretend to be discouraged so as not to ruin the Washington insiders' narrative of a "disheartened Democratic party.")

As for me, I refuse to be disheartened or frustrated. I see positives with what happened on Tuesday. As a matter of fact, I have five good reasons why I am glad the Republicans achieved such a great victory.

5. Let's be honest. Speaker of the House is a job I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy because the person who holds the job becomes so polarizing. Just ask Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston (who resigned before he even got to hold the gavel), Jim Wright, or the new victim of the curse, Nancy Pelosi. Heck, the only reason why Dennis Hastert survived is because no one remembered who he was when he held the job.

Also I bet many of you are like me, wetting your lips in anticipation of constantly mispronouncing possibly soon-to-be Speaker of the House John Boehner's last name in a psuedo accidental, but deliciously naughty way. Plus you just gotta love the way that man cries. It's like Christina Aguilera when she wins a Grammy.

4. If the recent Politico article is to be believed, Republicans are scared of the fact that Sarah Palin doesn't think of herself as a cheerleader, but a serious presidential candidate. Not only are they scared of it, but they aim to stop it, which should make excellent, popcorn consuming viewing. But unfortunately, it also demonstrates the lack of finesse on the behalf of the Republican Party. Not only are you supposed to wait until after the election to get rid of her, but maybe it wasn't a good idea to trot our your plan in front of God and Man alike.

And then Sen. Jim DeMint, for whatever reason, has decided to pit the newly elected Republican senators against the so-called Republican establishment.  My suggestion to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is that he stop trying to make Obama a one-term president and watch his own tush. If he looked behind him, he would see DeMint with a napkin bib, knife, and fork. So much for unity.

I swear if the Republicans worked for that James Bond villain who constantly strokes his Persian cat (Ernst Stavro Blofeld), he would have dropped them all in the pirahna tank for incompetence.

3. Speaking of which, some Republicans are in big trouble with a certain mastermind of the party. When Christine O'Donnell won the Delaware Republican primary, Karl Rove was the voice of reason (proving how weird this mid-term election was) by calling her unelectable. When he was turned on by his fellow conservatives, he backtracked. Then he said something suitably negative about the mentality of the tea party, causing Rush Limbaugh to call him out. Then he said something unsuitable about Sarah Palin being presidential material and she called him out.

Now that the mid-term election is over and he turned out to be correct on O'Donnell, I have a feeling that Rove may answer back in a manner suiting his reputation. I'm serious here, guys. I wouldn't mess with Rove even if I had a crucifix, holy water, and garlic.

2. Now that the Republicans have Congress, they can now reveal that incredibly, wonderful master plan to cut taxes, bring down the deficit, and increase the work force. Apparently the plan is so awesome that none of them wanted to reveal it to the media or each other.

Whatever it is, I only give them six months to complete it. Hey, if they expected President Obama to clean up a mess in less than two years that  former President Bush made in eight, then fair is fair. But remember, keep your government out of Medicare.

1. And finally, the tea party, the American patriots, the ones who led the charge and defeated the socialist, Kenyasian, Islamic, un-American, European plans of President Obama (which I heard was worse than the plans by Darth Vader, Sauron, and those ugly things from the movie Independence Day) dead in its tricks. I have a few request for the tea party. Can you all stop crying about how "you want your country back." And also can you please, please stop bringing guns to Presidential speeches. And above all no more of those annoying signs making fun of the President's racial heritage, but "aren't meant to be racist."

Really though to the victors goes the spoils and I am sure you will reap them all, including possibly Time magazine's Persons of the Year. And that reminds me - do you know who else got that Time magazine designation? Hitler. (Sorry about that. Had to throw a little Glenn Beck in the mix.)

Seriously though guys, while you are feeling like the victors in your pseudo American Revolutionary War fantasies, I have two words for you - Scott Brown.

Remember the Senator from Massachusetts whose election you rallied behind because you were so sure that he would defeat "Obamacare?"  Well he won and you danced in the streets. But then the healthcare bill passed and not only did Brown vote with Obama's party on a jobs bill, but he deserted you all like a prom date dumped before the last dance.

Remember how that felt? Expect to feel it a lot from other Republicans whom you helped into office.

But basically no one should read too much into this election. Don't forget that the record mid-term losses in the House is 71 seats and that's held by Franklin Roosevelt. And we know how he turned out.

Also, remember when President Obama was first elected and the pundits were asking is it the beginning of a "post-racial America?"  We should have known that this was nonsense because the majority make up of pundits asking these questions were white. And that didn't change. If America became "post-racial," this characteristic certainly didn't strike the country's newsrooms.

Proving once again that elections are the mothers of bad hyperbole.

The key is to not overanalyze  this election's results and don't get discouraged. Two years in Washington is like three lifetimes. We have only just begun to have fun.

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