Dear Triumphant Scientifically Attractive Marriageable Single Black Woman,
Sweet kisses? Tender caresses? Inspiring words? Early morning love-making sessions with the person who has promised to love and support you through poverty and wealth, sickness and health as long as you both shall live?
Yes, yes, and more yes. That is exactly what you deserve if your heart so desires.
So to the extent that the negative media surrounding black women's beauty and relationship prospects, or what Ariana Proehl refers to as the "Tragic Scientifically Unattractive Unmarriageable Single Black Woman Narrative," has led you to consider giving up on love for one millisecond, I pray that you will reconsider.
Yes, I understand that during the past two years the media has been throwing spears in your direction. Pop singer John Mayer proclaimed that his white supremacist penis won't allow him to date or mate with a black woman. Our own black brother NFL player, Albert Haynesworth exclaimed that he can't remember the last time he dated a black woman. Quack scientist Satoshi Kanazawa published an article with "scientific evidence" that black women were less attractive than other women. Countless academics continue to pontificate on the African-American marriage decline while citing black male incarceration rates and high-school drop-out rates to explain the dearth of eligible black men to marry you. It is enough to make you vomit, lose hope and decide to solely focus on other things such as community or political activism.
But I have a question for you.
When have you ever allowed the stereotypes, negative statistics or euro-centric notions of beauty heralded by the mass media to define you or circumscribe your aspirations?
Regardless of how many times the self-denying and sexless Aunt Jemima greets you in the supermarket with her Kool-Aid smile, you continue to take time to attend to your own needs while enjoying your vibrant sexuality on your own terms. No matter how many scantily-clad sexually-insatiable jezebels are gyrating on your television screen you understand the sanctity of your womb and share your body accordingly. Another sitcom featuring an angry black woman-sapphire with her hand on her hips and eyes rolling has never prevented you from seeing yourself as the complex, loving, vulnerable, sensitive and fully-human woman that you are. Finally, regardless of how many pale, blonde-haired and blue-eyed women appear on the cover of Vogue and Glamour you still believe that Lauryn Hill and Naomi Campbell are among the most stunning women on the planet and you continue to turn heads each day with your flawless brown skin and radiant smile.
Perhaps Maya Angelou said it best when she told us, "You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies, you may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I rise." Sister, just as you have risen to achieve every other academic, career or social goal that you have set for yourself, you may also achieve your dream of a attaining a life partner with whom you can share the joys, sorrows, victories and trials of life. The secret is that your ability to find a suitable mate actually has less to do with black male incarceration rates and high-school drop-out rates and more to do your individual approach to love. When you decide to envision the kind and quality of love that you want and make an effort to be open to a partner who can give you that love -- regardless of that person's race, color, occupation or other demographic statistics -- you are getting to love's essence and the universe responds by revealing abundant possibilities.
So go ahead and be your intelligent, beautiful, phenomenal self as you continue to do the important work of nurturing and affirming yourself and others, achieving your career goals, and fully participating in community and political activism. But please continue to believe in love. Despite the media hype, the vast majority of black men are interested in black women and there are more non-black men in America open to relationships with black women than there are black women. Love is out there for you if you are ready to get to love's essence.
Anyway, the very point of this article is that the "lets find the problem with black women" game is getting old. There is no overarching "problem". Black women are complete individuals, not a list of characteristics and stats, who like every other human on earth are not perfect, and have found, will find (if truly open), or choose not to seek someone that complements them.
UNITY I guess ended in the 90's. Yes 5% of black males are in prison leaving 95% left. It's not the end of the world. The only reason the focus is on black women and not men is because our culture does not feel for men who suffer. We would rather talk about a women not having a husband than talk about what happened to the man she would have married. It's sad how little sympathy there is for men in our society. Women on valentines day should show some love for the other half of humanity.
The hip thing today seems to be showing off how deeply self centered you can be when it comes to looking at the world. It takes that kind of perspective to think people wondering why your not married is worse than ending up in prison.
2. Don’t go to art galleries and poetry readings expecting to meet a guy. Attend the Robotics Club meeting or enroll in the HVAC class at the Community College. These are the nerdy guys who are awkward with girls, but they usually have passable educations and pretty good jobs. All they need is a good woman in their lives.
3. Do not ever dismiss a guy who works with his hands. He might not have a college degree, but that does not mean that he is not intelligent or well read. He might even make more money than the typical college graduate.
4. Meet guys through family and friends. This is still the best way to find someone.
Dad might know someone but are afraid to “interfere”. They love you and would never hurt you, so give them permission to look for you. There is something to be said in favor of arranged marriages, not for 15 year olds, but for women in their 30′s
5. Again, I say. Go to church. You might be surprised. You can find God and let him lead you the right way.
Across all races in the US, the least fit to survive are reproducing at a rate far faster than those most fit to survive. This is strikingly true in our community… and if you play out the trend over a few generations, it is frightening to think of the consequences.
Get to church, ladies. It is more important to share values than an educational level. If you a smart, educated, successful woman in her 30′s and not married, you need to expand your territory a little bit.
Some tips:
College educated; no felonies, ram 1500 for weekend toy and commuter car both paid for. own my home and have only one creditcard and child (19).
I’ve already bought one woman a home why would I want to repeat. Men are opting out of this arrangement with a conscious decision. IT is what it is.
Also, this is not limited to black men. ALL MEN are opting out and I don’t blame them. Change the divorce laws and you might save it but as it stand now. NO WAY!!!
Don’t ignore the realities of marriage/divorce.
Blacks had families until the federal government decided to start “helping” them about fifty years ago with minimum wage, welfare, poor schooling, food stamps and the “projects”.
It’s not genetics. It’s the government.
2nd: Do Not look to government for your solutions
3rd: Decide that single parenthood is NOT a perfectly acceptable alternative to raising your children in a 2 parent household.
4th: With number 3 at a goal, make adult choices when you’re involved in relationships and social life.
In other words, take responsibility/blame for your own choices and decide to make healthy choices. And anyone who tells you all this is rubbish, run away from that person as fast as you can!
A simple solution. No sex until marriage.
Black children don’t need fathers. After all, they have the Federal Government.