In the days of the online dating apps where the grass is always greener on the other side, where no one is that keen to commit in case something better comes along, there is also a new trend; people who only go out with people who tick a set of boxes: They would only date a man or a woman if he/she is of a certain age, from a particular socioeconomic background and someone who is on the career ladder and has an apartment or at least, can afford to live alone. If he/she has a car, then, that is an extra box to tick. Crazy? Yes, and slightly prejudiced and dated too.
I know someone who only dates architects, or technology guys and only from a specific background. As a result, she is always jumping from one date to the next. People who date people who tick boxes are never satisfied in a relationship, they are always on the dating game. It seems as if the well off professional they thought was just perfect in paper, disappears sooner than a shoplifter running away from security. Many tend to be victims of the ever popular "Ghosting" too.
Pic by Tim Ward
When the first thing they say about Mr or Miss Right is that they have a great job, an amazing apartment and good dinner conversation, I know they are dating someone who is just ticking "the society appearances box" but not the one he /she should really tick; That one you can't describe, the one that makes you smile and feel happy just thinking about someone. The best thing about love is that it is free and no amount of money can buy you love. If you connect, you connect.If you don't, you are just forcing something that could potentially work in paper but is not working in real life, even if "in theory" you two are perfect for each other.
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While having dinner with the colleague who only dates architects that tick a certain set of boxes, I asked why she only dates guys from a specific professional and social background. She simply replied: I'm just not going date a bartender, right?. And that is all I needed to hear to move on with the conversation , because perhaps if she dated outside her unrealistic expectations box, she would find the commitment and happiness she craves. Poets have said it over and over again,love has no limits, no boundaries, it can't be described or defined.
I used to be a tick the box girl, I made all the mistakes I could have made and I learned my lesson. Then one day, I met someone who ticked no box. If anything, he untick them all, but he had that "Je ne sais quoi" quality that I really liked. He offered me the things that truly matter: His time, commitment, empathy, understanding, love, fidelity. I couldn't care less about the job he did or whether he lived alone or in a house with ten other people, it didn't matter whether he brought me flowers or invited me to fancy bars or expensive dinners. I don't need that. You don't need that. What matters is that you share good quality values and that you both live by them.
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One cannot beg for love, for respect,for company, for fidelity, for empathy, for faithfulness, it is given free and if you are not getting it freely or naturally and organically then, it is not worth it. If he doesn't call, its because he doesn't want to.If he doesn't text,it's because he is not that bothered and if he is not faithful, why allow yourself to be disrespected like that?. Just turn off your phone, delete all those online apps and go out and be open to the guy who makes you a latte, or serves you brunch or sells you a new phone, the one who sits opposite you in the bus, the one who has just said hi at a party and seems genuine, and is holding it all together and has a beautiful smile. Love is all around you and love is not rational so do yourself a favor and ditch "the tick the box list". Instead of unrealistic expectations you better have no expectations but be open to what life is throwing at you. It will be great!