THE BLOG

Dating by Text -- When Guys Don't Take A Hint

05/14/2010 01:40 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I was sitting around one evening after work with my roommates and some friends. One of the girls was telling us the story about a persistent guy -- you know the one. She had met him out with friends, and given him her number. The next day, she regretted it, but it was already too late. This guy proceeded to send her an onslaught of texts, asking her out, asking her how her day was, asking her why she wasn't responding. Even though she tried ignoring him, they kept coming. Until finally, the one that broke her down:

"So, if I don't hear from you I'll just meet you outside your apartment at 7 tomorrow."

My friend was baffled. Maybe there had been talk of a date on or about that time and day, but no firm plans had never been put into place. Who did this guy think he was?

Whatever his motives, this guy's method got his intended response: my friend replied. Of course, she replied by telling him that no, she would not be meeting him at 7 the next day, and when he tried to reschedule she turned him down. But as she sat on my couch a week later, she was still getting messages from him. Some guys can't take a hint.

So how do you rid yourself of a guy who constantly texts you but who you wish would just leave you alone? The best policy is always honesty. It may be hard to tell someone -- especially someone who you just met the night before -- that you are not interested, but it makes the let down that much quicker and, ultimately, easier. That guy might actually respect you for your openness. (Or, better yet, don't give him your number at all.)

Of course, it's not always as easy as it seems. I was recently went on a date with a guy who lived in a different town who only contacted me through text messages. But when I decided I didn't want to see him any more, I didn't know how to broach subject, since every time he texted me "What's up?" I did not want to abruptly respond, "I don't think I want to go out with you again." If he had just asked me out a second time, it would have been more clear cut. So, I ignored. And I ignored all his "What's up?" text messages for days until he sent me a message that said, "What are you doing Thursday?" Then I let him know: I was busy Thursday and was not interested in scheduling another time to hang out when I was free.

But even being as direct as I could be, via text message, while still trying to spare his feelings, this guy didn't really get the hint. I still get the occasional text from him, or a Facebook message or poke (who pokes, anyway?). Some guys really can't take a hint.