The Inability of Children to Hold Onto Toys in A Car

We recently went on a trip with the kids. In the car. It wasn't very far, but we were in the car for a good four hours. This detail is actually irrelevant because the following happens EVERY time we are in the car. It is just that it happened 721 times during our trip. This is the story...

We are in the car. Driving. Actually, Crappy Papa is driving because he usually does and this is one of the reasons that I married him. (Seriously, willingness to drive was a requirement on my "has marriage potential" list when I was dating. I hate driving. Except bumper cars. Those are slightly fun because the whole point is to be bad at it.)

What was I talking about?

The car. So we are in the car. Before they got buckled in, Crappy Boy and Crappy Baby carefully selected toys (from the piles on the floor of the car) to hold and play with.

All is well. We drive two blocks.

And then:

Crappy Boy drops his toy. He ALWAYS drops his toy.

I twist my body between the front seats to try to reach it:

And I can't.

He tells me it is behind my seat so I reach back on the other side of my chair, groping around blindly. And I still can't reach it.

I tell him he'll have to wait until we stop.

We stop. I find it and give it back to him.

I warn him that I'm not going to pick it up again. It was the last time I'll get it. Just hold ONTO it! If he drops it again he'll have to wait until we get to our destination to get it.

All is well. We drive two more blocks.

And then:

Sigh. Crappy Baby this time.

Why are children completely unable to hold onto a toy in the car seat? They are sitting! Reclined! The toy is in their lap! Why is it so hard to hold onto?

Are they trying to get me to play mama dog fetch? Probably.

So like the loyal retriever that I am, I return Crappy Baby's toy one last time.

And tell them both that it is over. Mama retriever is no longer playing fetch.

All is well again. We drive two more blocks.

It worked! I'm a smart dog after all! Maybe collie level even. Check it out, I'm like the Lassie of parents.

And then:

Nope. They really, truly are unable to hold onto something while in a car seat.

But not to worry, I've figured it all out. I once discovered that car seats are a source of hallucinations. Well they also impair hand function. It makes them too weak to grasp onto things for long periods of time. (Most likely because they are being bitten in the butt by an imaginary monster and their circulation is cut off or something. I don't know. I haven't done the scientific research yet.)

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Comments

[mah0411]

02:35 AM on 08/02/2012

My husband and I are leaning back in bed absolutely dying of laughter. How well we remember those days. So glad they're long past. We have tears streaming down our faces, remembering that one of ours had to sit in the back of the Suburban, because he would chuck his empty sippy cup at you when he was done. The kid had an arm, at least if he was in the "way back" there was no chance the driver was going to be knocked out.

[duel1980]

10:27 AM on 07/28/2012

hehe this is #2 on the "It Always Happens" Show. #1 is "I gotta peeeeee!"

[dil123]

06:38 PM on 07/27/2012

Yes, and infants can't keep pacifiers in their mouths and older babies lose their bottles and of course five minutes into the trip the four year old has to go to the bathroom; even though you tried to make them go before you left.

[LAKESHA WHALEY]

02:21 PM on 07/27/2012

Thus begins the lesson in patience.

[Bethany Meyer]

01:07 PM on 07/27/2012

Amber, my husband typically drives the crowd of us (one married couple, 4 young sons). Sometimes I volunteer to drive so that I can avoid being the human retriever. The fool who occupies the passenger seat on our trips also has to dole out the 17 snacks and 2 drinks per kid. And remember to save an empty Gatorade bottle for the emergency "I have to pee!" situations.

Your drawings kill me. Hilarious!

[jessiernut]

09:57 AM on 07/27/2012

I give my toddler 3 toys within reach when we leave the house for a trip of 30 minutes of so (typically time we are in the car). If he losses them, I try to point out things in the landscape that might interest him. If I am feeling extra loving and fuzzy, I will try singing a funny song with him. If that doesn't work, I turn the radio up and ignore his insistence that I retrieve. But, unless it is a long trip, I NEVER pick up the toys. He's almost 3, and has learned to keep at least on of the toys (usually him innotab) in his lap. Kids are capable of learning.

[caugrl]

02:38 AM on 07/27/2012

Wow, thanks for this article. Now I don't feel so alone on this parental challenge.

[pslcitizen]

02:25 AM on 07/27/2012

Toss the toys in the trunk. Tell them to look out the window & eventually they will fall asleep. Is that crappy enough for you?

[sharonandbob]

01:52 AM on 07/27/2012

when my grandchildren were toddlers, they played hide and seek in the car with their parents. it was hilarious because they were strapped in. no, they are not mentally handicapped; just inventive.

[tamthebrat1978]

01:14 AM on 07/27/2012

This is why my kids take no toys in the car,if parents don't want to hear their kids whine when they drop them then more people should do the same.

[CaseyComo]

11:10 PM on 07/26/2012

Yep. Kids drop toys in the car. Yep. They do that.

[misse1000]

10:52 PM on 07/26/2012

This is so true. I don't have kids, but I still remember my little brother throwing his Mickey, his favorite toy, over the car seat, out of the stroller, shopping cart, whatever. We ended up using a lanyard to tether Mickey for fear that he would lose him. Reading this brought back memories and a few laughs as well.

[mspat44417]

06:24 PM on 07/26/2012

Then just don't take toys in the car since for what ever reason your kid an't hold on to them...And tell them that's why they can't have toys in the car....I bet the toys would stop falling on the ground then.. But you have to keep your word and stick to it...

[dil123]

06:42 PM on 07/27/2012

If it's not the toys then it's the bottle, or the sippy cup, or the paci, or they have to go to the bathroom. They might even take their shoes off, face it when they are little we just have to play the "pick up" game with them.

[mspat44417]

08:11 PM on 07/27/2012

Maybe you had to play the pick up game not me.....When they were babies everything was attached to the car seat....But once they got to be toddlers and such..they learned real quick to hold on to their toys....

[Sumrcircus]

04:48 PM on 07/26/2012

Oh my GAWD. Yes. Luckily, I have an 11 year old that I make fetch the toys during the stops. I doubt he'll ever have children. He finds it that annoying.

[Niasia]

04:01 PM on 07/27/2012

This made me chuckle! I'm 7 yrs older than my sister and I was the "fetcher" oh the days when I couldn't stand her! Lol!!! But we're besties now!! I think I still "fetch" for her!

[see-ellen2001]

04:16 PM on 07/26/2012

I just had to read the title to chuckle.