12/09/2013 02:45 pm ET Updated Feb 08, 2014

Kanye West Wary of Jewish Connections

Okay, Kanye, I have had a problem with you since the whole Taylor Swift debacle. I didn't think you could any sink lower, and then you came out with that ridiculous rant about Kim Kardashian deserving a star on the Walk of Fame. Since you are now a father, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I assumed little baby North was keeping you up all night, and your brain was seriously fogged out with poop diapers and constant visits by Kris Jenner as she and Kim sat around in skin tight black cocktail dresses discussing the awesomeness of being moms. Then I read your brilliant statement, "Man, let me tell you something about George Bush and oil money and Obama and no money," West said.

People want to say Obama can't make these moves or he's not executing. That's because he ain't got those connections. Black people don't have the same level of connections as Jewish people. Black people don't have the same connection as oil people.

West went on to say, "Can you guarantee that your daughter can get a job at this radio station? But if you own this radio station, you could guarantee that. That's what I'm talking about."

Oh. THAT'S what you're talking about. Now we get it.

Dude. Seriously? First of all, George Bush is not Jewish. I don't know any Jewish man who would wear a belt buckle like that; they also have a little trouble pulling off the Cowboy hat. Second of all, I am Jewish and I can assure you I have no connection with oil money. As a matter of fact, I am on a payment plan right now with the gas company because my daughter left the back door open and the air on for an entire week while I was out of town. I should get that paid off around the same time I pay off my IRS bill which I believe will be around the time the idea of windmill power catches on. Of course I tried to use my Jewish connections. I told the billing guy that though my last name is Koko, my maiden name is Fischler. Very Jewish. Unfortunately, my Reese Witherspoon move of "Do you know who I am?" resulted in, "No and we don't give a shit. Pay up." So much for Jewish connections.

Another thing I can't help but ponder: Obama is the President of the United States. The most powerful person in the world almost, besides Oprah and maybe Martha Stewart. My guess is he has a few connections. If he doesn't we know that Michelle does. She went to Harvard for G-d's sakes. Surely between the two of them they know people.

Here is my fear: Young people look to Kanye as a talented artist, which he is; I am not taking that away from him. However, if they look to him for anything else, such as someone who knows about politics, basic manners or living in reality, they are going to get a very slanted view of the world. Kanye's world is not the real world, and I hope they know it.

As far as getting hired at the radio station, he should have no problem. He may not know the owner, but I'm sure if he mentions Kim's name he should have an in, at least as an intern.