Whether you've been through a bad break up or you're reading a sympathy card, the old saying, "time heals everything," gets passed around whenever someone is suffering. While it's usually said with the best of intentions, that saying can be quite damaging.
As a therapist, the notion that time equals medicine is an issue I tackle in my office on a daily basis. Individuals seeking help often say, "I shouldn't still be feeling this bad." It might be a year after a painful divorce, or two years after the loss of a loved one, their pain is palpable.
Quite often, their ongoing anguish stems from their attempts to escape heartache. Rather than deal with their grief or confront their sadness, they attempted to distract themselves from their misery.
They tried to act tough, hoping they could white knuckle it through their pain until time healed their wounds. But despite the passage of time, their distress remained because they lacked the skills necessary to bounce back from adversity.
I learned first-hand that time heals nothing. It's what you choose to do with that time that makes all the difference.
A new study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science confirms this idea that time doesn't heal. Researchers from Arizona State University discovered that in general, people don't possess a lot of natural resilience.
When individuals experience life-altering events, like a natural disaster or long-term unemployment, there's a good chance it will take them longer than anticipated to bounce back.
The study confirmed that life stressors can cause a substantial decline in well-being that can last several years. Researchers report that the previously held belief that "most people are resilient" may prevent people from seeking the help they need to recover more effectively.
There's No Timeline On Bouncing Back
The well-intentioned adage, "things will get better soon" perpetuates the myth that healing a psychological wound is a passive activity. Unfortunately, waiting to feel better might not yield the best results.
Assuming that time heals -- and putting a time frame on when you should feel better -- is dangerous. Not only might you become highly critical of yourself if you don't bounce back fast enough, but you may also lack empathy for other people's prolonged suffering.
Rather than rally around a friend going through a rough patch, you may be tempted to assume he should be doing better. After all, his divorce was six months ago, right?
Or instead of revealing your own distress to a trust family member, you may suffer in silence out of fear that you'll be judged harshly. But waiting for more time to pass isn't likely the best option.
No one is born mentally strong -- but everyone has the ability to develop mental strength. Similar to developing physical strength, there are exercises you can perform to build mental strength.
Healthy habits, like identifying what you're grateful for and practicing self-compassion, can go a long way toward boosting your mental muscle. Thinking realistically, regulating your emotions, and behaving productively is the key to bouncing back from adversity.
The stronger you become, the more resilient you'll be to life's stressors -- both big and small. Increasing your resilience requires intentional practice, but it's well worth the effort. Building mental strength increases your ability to heal your psychological wounds.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker, and the author of the USA Today best-selling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do. To learn how to build resilience, sign up for her Mental Strength eCourse.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.