Domestic Violence: Help a Woman Break the Cycle

The Holidays are about giving, sharing, and spreading joy, which is why I'm honored to be part of the "12 Days of Giving!"

Sometimes things aren't all smiles and happiness, though. As a survivor of domestic violence myself, I've had a few rough holidays in the past. So have many others. In fact, according to the CDC, 1 of every 4 women and 1 in 9 men in the United States are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives.

Luckily, there's a way to make it easier for a woman (or man) to take the first step to shattering the chains of abuse, by talking with someone about the situation ... someone with the knowledge and ability to help.

That's why I choose the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.

Who are Domestic Violence victims?

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Here are four helpful resources to learn more, help yourself, or help a loved one or friend. And please give if you can.

What is Domestic Violence?

How can I help a friend?

Am I being abused?

What is a safety plan?

If you are a victim/survivor of domestic violence, the important thing to remember is this: It's not your fault. The abuser very intentionally, methodically, and usually gradually, grinds down your self-worth, isolates you from friends, family and favorite activities, and increasingly adds verbal abuse, threats and escalating physical violence. Their favorite weapons are secrecy and control. It makes it very tough to have enough courage to break free.

The first step to breaking the chains is telling someone.

The good news is, as in my case, sometimes talking to someone at a hotline like National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), where they know much more about the process abusers use -- the secrecy, control, manipulation, threats, isolation, and violence -- makes it much easier. You recognize that you are not at fault. You realize this is actually, sadly, very common -- and you aren't alone. You realize people will understand. You see that it will only get worse if nothing is done. You get help with the process of safely leaving, taking legal action like getting a restraining order, and other things that are not knowledge anyone has until they need it.

74 percent of Americans know someone affected by domestic violence. And since you just read this article, now you definitely do too. I was able to come out of the dark and break the chains with help. Can you please help another hurting person do the same? Thank you.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or NDVH.org.

Learn more by following @12DaysGiving and the hashtag #12DaysOfGiving on Twitter.

Amy Neumann is a writer, speaker and consultant on social good marketing. Check out her CharityIdeasBlog and follow her on Twitter @CharityIdeas.

 

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Comments

[CharityIdeas]

12:01 AM on 01/12/2012

I appreciate all of the passionate responses. Thank you to everyone for expressing your thoughts about domestic violence. Talking about it is key. Here are recent stats from the CDC for anyone interested in scientific studies. http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/

[Bari Zell Weinberger, Esq.]

11:20 PM on 01/02/2012

And then get a good lawyer who is well-versed in the rules of your state!

[Trueletterson]

07:35 PM on 12/26/2011

Help women break the cycle of domestic violence my advice would be stop lying, cheating, stealing and swindling people then thinking you can hide behind the law! If we do that domestic violence rate would drop by 85%. One must improve self [males and females] because no one gender share all the blame for domestic violence. We must leran to respect each other no matter the gender.

[mdipary2004]

08:19 PM on 12/26/2011

I agree 100%

[mdipary2004]

06:14 PM on 12/26/2011

The one thing that all the stories have in common is that when perpetrators of DV are women. It appears that when women commit DV against men, the salient point that it is domestic violence goes unmentioned. Instead it is called manslaughter, murder, assault, grievous bodily harm, actual bodily harm, malicious wounding etc. Never a mention of DV, when women commits DV.

However, when men attack their girlfriends or wives, reporters fall over themselves to speak of domestic violence and spousal abuse. Indeed, with monotonous regularity, they also seek to warn us that there is an epidemic of the same.

[mdipary2004]

05:30 PM on 12/26/2011

Why is domestic violence committed by women against men downplayed and even buried under generic criminal labels, whereas violent acts committed by men against women are heavily emphasised as DV? What’s the point of deliberate­­ly deciding to not call domestic violence committed by women, “domestic violence”?

Well, one answer is to consider the effects of this suppressio­­n of the facts in story after story where women are seriously violent. The main effect is that when one performs an Internet search for news items concerning DV, virtually all results that appear concern only stories of men hurting or killing women. Story, after story, after story are listed for you detailing male violence against females.

In contrast, the stories of women hurting or killing men are classified – or rather misclassif­­ied - under other categories and so simply do not appear in a search for “Domestic Violence”. With this neat trick, the men killed and wounded as a result of female domestic violence are successful­­ly “disappear­­ed” from the search results of those who might be looking into the prevalence of DV. Impressive stuff.

http://www­­.manwoman­m­yth.com/­do­mestic-­vio­lence/­when­-is-d­omest­ic-v­iolenc­e-n­ot-dome­st­ic-viole­n­ce/

[Trueletterson]

07:24 PM on 12/26/2011

I agree

[teri at SAVE]

06:37 PM on 12/23/2011

The 1-in-4/1-in-9 stat is incorrect. DV is an equal opportunity issue. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has just published its National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. The survey’s central finding is that men and women inflict and suffer equal rates of IPV, with 6.5% of men and 6.3% of women experiencing partner aggression in the past year. With women being more likely to emotionally abuse others.

[mdipary2004]

05:24 PM on 12/26/2011

Most people know the studys on DV that apear on Huffpost are false and missleading. Most of us know the violence is equall among the genders, however men are allways held to a higher standard then women.