Why Women Grieve For Natasha Richardson

Why do some tragedies that ride the 24/7 media wave feel so personal? Why did the sad, accidental death of Natasha Richardson make my girlfriends feel like they'd been punched in the gut? I heard repeatedly, "I just can't get over it."

Almost all of these women had never met Natasha Richardson, been at the same premiere, market, or parent meeting. There is the celebrity factor, a sense of intimacy that people feel with famous folk. We know details of their lives, although they usually don't even know we exist. In the case of Natasha Richardson, we've seen beautiful, vulnerable, open photographs that make us feel we know her or could hang with her. But we don't, and we didn't. We do know she was a mother and a wonderful actress playing a mom we related to in 'The Parent Trap' remake. We were aware that in her real life, she had a famous mom and that she was a mom. Her revealing eyes and almost naked smile seemed to say, "I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've survived...and I'm still having an f-ing amazing time."

My girlfriends and I loved that attitude. She could have been one of us, hanging at our 'women goddess' parties. It wasn't an anonymous mother/daughter suffering this tragedy. It was someone we'd come to kind of know through movies where she was a young, textured woman, a mom, etc. like us; through post-trauma and sadly post-mortem images where she smiled out at the world like we often tried to do despite what was crashing in our private lives. We could imagine her on the slopes with her warm inclusiveness. We could see her larger than life husband because we'd watched his heroic dramatic turn in "Schindler's List"; we could feel for her awesome activist actress mom even more because we'd bonded with her characters and persona. We could empathize with this multi-tasking mom, actress, wife, making light of her injury, so that the show of life could go on. Women know about that.

But how interesting for an actress to turn the glare away from herself. It's so, well, mom-like. Maybe that's part of what draws my girlfriends and myself to her. We all imagine ourselves in her position, how 'random', as our children might say, the awful accident was. Of course, we imagine our friends, spouses, and especially children hitting their heads on bathtubs, basketball and soccer floors, skateboard, snowboard, and bicycle collisions. We moms don't want to be over-protective, so we try to not over-react. But what if this one head bump is the one that seems fine, but needs special attention?

I have been struck by the predominance of women, as opposed to men, who so personally feel this tragedy about Natasha Richardson, someone they didn't in actuality (let's face it) know. Maybe it's a gender thing. We could have been her (albeit less watchable), juggling our loves, losses, and lists of a woman's life's to-dos. She could have been us, relating to this tragedy, worrying about our own beloved children's and their father's falls, not focusing on our own self-protection. Historically, women are caretakers. In grieving Natasha Richardson, let's make a point of making a little history and taking more care of ourselves.

Comments

[AndSoItGoes]

Thank you for this post. Do not know her personally, but you are correct, this affected me and feel sorrow for the loss of this lovely woman. Not sure why it has affected me more than usual, but it has. Always feel bad for the loss of a person in the public eye, but somehow, this was felt more intensely. My heart goes out to her family.

[hellifiknow]

When I tried snowboarding I, too, was on the bunny slope and falling directly on my head more times than I could count. So it seemed such a capricious act of fate that this woman with an apparently solid relationship and two young kids, would get up, walk away and then die.
But such is life. I was touched by it also, because after seeing the Charlie Rose tribute, which was beautifully done, you could tell that Charlie really liked her. Really. And it was easy to see why as he played clips over the years, from about age 30, when she'd first gotten engaged to Liam, to about two years ago. You got to see the change in her and her life, but she mostly remained the same - a seemingly humble and talented woman who enjoyed her work but especially her life as a wife, mother and host. She also had a very alluring voice. Ironically, she got the call, also while working in Canada, when Liam was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident some years ago and almost died. When talking about it years later, she was choked up. She also talked about losing people before their time, of course not knowing she would ultimately be one of them. And of course you don't truly know any celebrity just because you see them on TV, but she certainly exuded a certain class and graciousness often lacking in many current stars.

Too sad all the way around.

[ladycubsfan]

What you're saying is SO true. Natasha is slightly younger than me and the fact that her sons are just a tad younger than my son makes this so much more personal for me. At this age in his life, my son adores me. He has been extremely moved by her death, though he tries very hard to keep it from me. I know the truth, from the questions he asks me. All I can tell him is the same thing I always harp on..."Always wear your helmet (he skateboards)." I don't believe he'll ever think (from now on) I'm just being overprotective, after this horrible tragedy. If there's ANYTHING good to come out of this, maybe that's it.

[cycodad]

As her mother, NATASHA RICHARDSON is and was a lovely young lady. VANESSA REDGRAVE is one of the all-time favorite actress and NATASHA was the same. This is the kind of young woman that is needed in AMERICA. A woman, lady, and a person of intelligence. My prayers and love goes to her family. May the CREATOR ever smile on them and bless them. She was beauty in the 1st degree, not many women ever achieve that.

[jastewart]

The real message to Natasha's story is DON'T SMOKE. This woman smoked her entire life, and it is medical fact backed by research that epidural hematoma outcome is compromised by smoking! Instead of wondering if you or your loved ones are going to suffer the same fate everytime you smack your head, start wondering WHY people still smoke, why tobacco products are even made when they cause so much insidious harm. Blood vessel integrity is damaged by smoking. Period. What a tragedy the real reason for her demise is not talked about. (also wear a helmet when you ski).

[ikesambobby]

Not everything bad is caused by smoking. It was a freak accident and a trully horrible one at that but the smoking thing is getting old. How about this, maybe she ENJOYED smoking! Alcohol has destroted more lives than smoking I guarantee it.

[yodaveg]

In 2000, there were 85,000 deaths attributed to alcohol. There were 435,000 attributed to smoking. Yes, alcohol destroys people's lives without killing them. But smoking kills about five times as many as alcohol. It's nice to make up your own facts, especially when you "guarantee" them.

[IndependentMeans]

I loved her in Blow Dry. Her part, although flawed in the movie character she played, was utterly lovable. She died on my birthday, which I will always remember. I was amazed at the solidity of her marriage and parenting, as she had a poor role model, admitted openly, in her mother. But bottom line, she lived, really lived. I admire that ability to get out there and enjoy life. Her friends public statements are all a testament to what a truly wonderful person she was to know.

[dawlishgal]

I, too, share the feelings about the death of Natasha Richardson. Perhaps one factor was that she didn't seem to exploit her talent, her beauty and her celebrity the way so many do. I thought she was wonderful in "Widow's Peak," so funny and so striking in that red dress and the red tassled necklace

. I belong to an informal group of women who met through Ebay, most of whom have never met in person. When we were talking on the group email about who we want to come back as in our next lives, I chose her and mentioned her beauty, talent and how great she looked in the red necklace. Several days later, an identical necklace arrived in the mail from one of the group members. This is a group that shares its lives, hopes, dreams, problems....the whole ball of wax. Sending and receiving little gifts (though the antique necklace is a BIG gift) is something that we all do.

Ms. Richardson will be greatly missed.

[McGuinness]

I am a man. I appreciate your post, and since I am not a woman, I can't identify with all the reasons for women feeling especially sad over her death. But I experienced grief over her death, I still feel it, it doesn't go away. For me, it was seeing this beautiful 'kid' for the first time, and seeing the surviving males, the mother, the friends. How non-Britney. Here we had a woman who could reach those narrow emotional places and express them to us all. Acting, when it is done correctly, makes us feel like we have experienced something that ' just got by us in real life', as Alec Baldwin said on "The Actor's Studio."
Maybe it was her non-model appearance...(How over is that....400, 000 views of Cindy Crawford's soap suds? Yikes.) Maybe it is her smile, maybe it was her devotion to her husband when he hit a deer on his bike and broke his pelvis, maybe it is that it could have been one of my sisters.
Maybe it is that I never married, didn't feel I had the money or partner, maybe it is that a woman like her could have been a great wife to me. Yes, I now have the dough.
It's a beautiful Spring day in Connecticut. Maybe it's the daffodils coming to life again. Again, thanks for your post.

[papapj]

I feel it with you, McGuinness. Natasha was REAL and came across as just an ordinary girl oblivious to the limelight which often was shone on her.

May she rest in peace....

[brilliantatbreakfast]

You don't have to be a mom to find yourself unable to shake this one. I think this death resonates as much as it does partially because of the sheer utter needless tragedy of it all, but because it scares the living daylights out of us. How many times have we bonked our heads on car doors, refrigerators, tables. How many times have we crawled under a desk to retrieve a pen and bumped our heads? I hit my head on the car roof a few months ago -- hard enough to see stars -- and thought nothing of it. I even got into the car and drove to work. A few days after Richardson's death I opened the freezer door, bent down to pick up something that fell out, and then bonked my head on the door. And I immediately felt nauseous, wondering just how bad a bonk it was and whether I needed medical attention.

If anything good were to come out of this it would be how to recognize a simple bump on the head from something more seirous. And the problem is that this indicates there is no easy way to tell.

[dawlishgal]

Well said....I remember hitting my head on a portable air conditioner that protruded over the sidewalk by our kitchen. I was walking my sons to nursery school.....they were 3 and 5 at the time.... and I fell to my knees and saw stars too. In so many deaths, people can find things to differentiate themselves from the victim in order to make it less scary. In Richardson's case, there is no differentiating. It could have happened to any of us.

[3015551212]

Goddess parties? Could hang with her?

I feel sad for a husband who has to raise two boys alone, sad for a mother who had to put her beautiful daughter in the ground before she went to meet her maker, for the two boys who will wonder what it's like being dead and hope their mother is somewhere, somewhere good, somewhere where she can't remember pain, but feels love and joy.

I feel incredibly sad for a woman who was cut at her prime, who clearly was living the life she wanted to live. A moment might have saved her. The sickening feeling of wanting to turn time back to tweak events so that I don't have to see a widowers mouth twisted in unavoidable anguish. The gutted feeling of seeing a child look at the ground lost, knowing their mother would never hear them cry again.

A good actor, a really good one, makes the choice to use their flesh, life, breath, mind, eye movements, sense of touch, all their senses available to bring to life a character whose story they feel needs to be lavished with love and brought to light. We've seen her and she was particularly good at making that connection with her audience, her characters' audience. The light is out. The life has fluttered away, never to come back.

[Beckinspate]

Beautifully said

[nativetoronto]

Thank you for writing this blog, it totally resonated with me as I started to wonder why I couldn't stop reading everything about Ms. Richardson and her tragic accident. I too am 45 and a mother and had a ski accident (helping my inexperienced son down a diffficult hill) that i also thought was nothing at the time and skiied down. Turns out I did tear my ACL and it was serious but nothing like losing my life. As I read her circumstances it felt too close to home, like that could have been me. I realized that I should not always put my health on the back burner and take care of myself as well as my family. I still have time, sadly Natasha does not.

[joyfreedom]

I, too, have been affected by Natasha's passing. I'm not a mother, nor for me is it a "woman thing"; rather it's connected to my experience of Natasha's authenticty and the genuineness of her as a person. I was similarly affected by the passing of Tim Russert last year. There are certain people that when they are no longer living on the earth plane their loss is very noticable. I feel that way about Natasha and Tim Russert even though I never met either of them. I was also very moved by the photo posted on this site of her mom looking at Liam on the day of her burial. It was deep and very, very moving. My love and blessing go out to this special family.

[lauriemann]

I agree with joyfreedom.

It's not necessarily a woman thing - it's the sadness of a fine person cut down in their prime. I felt the same way about Christopher Reeve and John Ritter and Princess Diana. All of these people could have gone on to do more good.

[LemonMeringue]

Celebrities with that much class are very, very rare. She was someone to look up to. That is a loss.

[PartyofLogic]

For me, it was that she is my age and she and Mr. Neeson seemed to share such a lovely dynamic, a great love. And the fact that something so special and rare could be lost in an instant. By any of us.

[brooklyncitizen]

Actually I was surprised at all the attention it got; I had never heard of her. I doubt that the sentiments expressed by the public were divided along gender lines; I actually thought fathers and husbands would relate more since wives and mothers are at the center of family life and when that goes all hell can break loose.

Mostly I figured the reaction is due to our denial of death; each death is a red flag reminding us of our own impending death .The randomness of death is intimidating.We really only have each moment.