Being an only child, I remember often saying to my parents, "I'm bored." For my dad, the solution was easy: "Go do something." My mom would say, "Go make something." Sometimes I would listen to them, and other times I would just turn on the TV. I had distractions! Even from an early age, and before iPads, I had become -- to some degree -- dependent on screens and technology for entertainment.
However, unlike most, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. In moderation.
My son Jack started watching a bit of TV when he was about 14 months old. Mainly he watched educational programs on baby channels, typically no more than 10 minutes at a time (and we didn't have a problem limiting screen time, because his attention would often drift to something else).
Now, at almost three years old, he can enter the passcode on the mini iPad and enjoys singing along and scrolling through the huge selection of offerings on YouTube Kids. (We try to keep his screen time to under an hour a day.) And we have been pleased to find that he has learned quite a few things from TV we know we didn't teach him ourselves. When drawing together one time, he asked me to do some basic shapes and, out of nowhere, he asked me to draw a rhombus! We are entertained by what he is absorbing and expressing.
When I took part in a 48-hour digital detox -- a complete abstention from screen time -- over a recent weekend, I felt mostly excitement and just a little bit of fear. It was a Friday afternoon, and we were on vacation. As a small-business owner -- and since I hadn't really prepared for it -- I gave myself 30 minutes of "cheat" time during the whole 48 hours. I also allowed myself to use my cameras, because our trip still needed to be documented. I wanted to start immediately, so I told my partner, JC, about the challenge and he said, "I'm not sure I can do that." I told him no problem; I would just live by example, looking to encourage and inspire in my family a notion of really trying to be present. Here's how my detox unfolded.
I learned to live in the moment. The first night was a breeze. We had friends over who we get to see only once a year. Being able to really be present and enjoy everyone's company was wonderful. As the family archivist, I was called upon to do a group photo of the 25 of us before it got too dark. It took more time getting everyone situated and in their places than it did to wirelessly send the photo from my camera to my phone to be shared via Airdrop. That was five minutes of my grace period well spent, because the moment captured will be treasured for years to come. As the night went on, I played Catch Phrase until I wore myself out, hoping I wouldn't need my phone. However, I still felt the need to do something when I got into bed, so I took that opportunity to dive into a book instead!
I took it all in. We spent half of Saturday at the beach, enjoying our last day of vacation. As we sat under the umbrella, I found it so relaxing to really take in my surroundings. The urge to Snapchat these moments came on strong, but I resisted. The feeling passed and I simply tried to focus on being completely present. In the evening, we enjoyed a lovely dinner, and Jack discovered the joy of dominoes. I watched the anticipation come over him as his grandfather set the up entire box in a snake pattern on the coffee table.
I discovered a new way to travel. The morning came early (4 a.m.) on Sunday, the day we headed back home. My rules on planes for my toddler is that there are no rules: if he wants to watch TV the entire time, it's fine; if he wants to eat lollipops instead of lunch, that is cool, too. He was taking his 45th and 46th flight, and I wasn't about to change our streak of smooth airplane rides.
I, however, had a slightly difficult time not turning on a movie or playing a game on my phone. Instead, I spent time reading, journaling and water coloring in my traveler's notebook. Then Jack wanted to cuddle and ended up falling asleep in my arms. For nearly two hours, I couldn't do much of anything. I knew he needed the sleep. I just had to sit with my own thoughts. JC was sitting in the row in front of us and I spied him watching golf while working on his laptop. I felt a twinge of jealousy and then had to work really hard to resist the urge to pull out my phone.
We got home and eased back into our normal routines. Though it was uneasy at times without my phone in hand, I felt reassured that we as a family do a pretty decent job of regulating screen time. As a working mom, I'm regularly looking for ways to make sure I'm being present. My family, their well-being and their happiness are my top priorities. One quote that resonates with me, from author and public speaker Gretchen Rubin, is, "What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while." For me it's more important to create and instill healthy habits, like being mindful and self-aware in our daily lives.
I was feeding Jack breakfast the other day, while he watched Cookie Monster on TV, trying to restrain himself from eating all the cookies. I could see the wheels turning in Jack's head as if he completely understood the concept of moderation, remarking to me, "But why he cannot have just one?" As a mom who'd been walking the talk of moderation, this felt like a win!
This material is for general informational purposes only. Aetna is not the author of this content.
Aetna believes that mindfulness -- the act of being present -- starts with simply experiencing what is here and now. So step back, #takeamoment, and appreciate the little things. You'll be surprised at what you notice. Share your experience using the hashtag #takeamoment on social media.