Women always tell me how lucky I am. They gaze longingly at my full, well arched brows, waxing poetic about blessed DNA and the painful woes of the anorexic browed crowd. And I bask in their praise. At long last, my wayward thicket of facial hair had been tamed. I smile and nod my thanks whilst inwardly chortling that I, a mere beauty obsessed mortal, had -- through hard core plucking and primping -- transformed my God given caterpillar brows into something resembling the effortless chic projected from professionally groomed models in Vogue.
The truth? Thick brows are a massive pain in the ass. Though the glossies have pronounced the thick Charlotte Gainsbourg-esque look au courant, we of the looming Unibrow, spend inordinate amounts of time plucking, trimming and praying that we don't morph into Dr. Zaius of Planet of the Apes stature while we sleep at night.
I am not a hairy gal. But, somehow, my eyebrows never received the genetic newsflash to cease growing at the 1/8 inch mark. Mine ascend upwards to mid forehead and have a wingspan that almost reaches my temples. Instead of the soft downy fuzz of most women, my brows seem to be infused with testosterone and fishing line; wiry descendants of my grandfather. Without vigilance, I become a scary hybrid of Brooke Shields, Eddie Munster and Frieda Kahlo.
Some people always have breath mints stashed everywhere. I have tweezers. In the car, I peek in the vanity mirror to remove a gaggle of strays that have reared their wiry heads since breakfast. At work, while stroking my forehead in thought, I discover scary pube-like patches that have bloomed between my brows. And, then there is the Martini Tweeze; a post cocktail depilation that never ends well. Such evenings I am tempted to call Dr. Drew to implore the addition of a tweezer category to his rehab show.
So, how to avoid a hirsute destiny? Similar to thick, kinky hair, we women of the dense brow require the three 'P's: patience, product and professional help as needed. Inspired by the spate of editorial touting the full brow, I will spill the beans on how to morph caterpillar brows into coiffure du jour.
Here are the tools for your eyebrow arsenal:
To shellac wayward brows into well arched submission, slather on clear Alessandra Brow gel, $15
To keep create two definitive brows from one, invest in the Tweezerman Kit featuring brow Scissors and tweezer , $19.99
To maintain a groomed to- the nines arch, use Colorscience brow stencils, $10
To repair bald spots after a Martini Tweeze, keep Anastasia Brow Enhancing Serum on hand, $36
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