iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Andrea Lampros

GET UPDATES FROM Andrea Lampros
 

Parent Regrets: Why I Wish We Never Had Gone to See Taylor Swift

Posted: 08/16/11 02:12 PM ET

A note to moms: If you're thinking about taking your daughters to see Taylor Swift as their first concert, and maybe your first show since the Indigo Girls in 1996, please don't. If you're thinking you'll see a sweet Southern singer/songwriter on stage with her guitar, a few pretty dresses, and simplistic but heartfelt lyrics, you won't.

The overwhelming message of the Swift concert to the sea of girls ages 5 to 55: be pretty, be conventional, be quiet (well, it's OK to scream for me), and definitely put on some lipstick.

When my 10-year-old daughter learned to belt out "A Place in this World" on her guitar a few months ago, I began to feel some affection for Swift. Country music up until the quasi-country, anti-Bush Dixie Chicks had never appealed to me, but Swift's commitment to writing her own songs and to making her own way in the music business was compelling. And she even maintained some dignity after being publicly berated by an obnoxious Kanye West.

On a recent trip to Washington, DC, my husband and I splurged on Swift tickets for ourselves and kids -- an 8-year-old boy and two girls, ages 10 and 12. We thought the young singer would be especially inspirational to our daughters who love her music and are avid musicians.

We joined the ebullient, predominantly female concertgoers in floral H&M jumpers and cowboy boots streaming into DC's Verizon Center. Many arrived holding their daughters' hands before the first two opening bands to stand in long lines for Swift t-shirts and merchandise and take photos next to the towering Swift cutouts in the lobby.

The scene was sweet until you got to the CoverGirl stands (Swift is a CoverGirl) where girls of all ages sat on stools before stage mirrors to receive makeovers -- perhaps selecting the lip and eye colors that Taylor wears.

The message -- you're not really beautiful until you cake your tiny, pre-pubescent face with makeup -- wasn't the empowering one I had envisioned. (I later watched a five year old with ruby red lipstick pouting because the color had come off in her cotton candy. Welcome to the hardscrabble world, baby.)

OK, I thought, that's advertising -- not Swift's fault? Actually the pre-tweens in makeup set the scene for the CoverGirl meets Disney extravaganza.

After her opening "Sparks Fly," that featured an inordinate amount of hair flipping, Swift stood on the stage for what felt like a long and awkward few minutes, taking in the screams of her girl fans, eyes wide open with feigned amazement. Glancing to the far reaches of the arena where fans paid upwards of $130 per ticket (the going rate on Craigslist), she gazed left. She gazed right. She beamed. She stood still and put her hands to her heart.

Throughout the concert, even the best songs -- "Speak Now" and "Fifteen" -- were convoluted by an elaborate stage show and a relentless multimedia set with projected live images of Swift inside a gigantic framed mirror. Hearts and words with curly-cue lettering flashed on the screens. (The most ironic image projected was of a girl's quaint bulletin board with a tacked up ticket stub for a concert that cost $10.)

Dancers swirled up and down a staircase in the middle of the set and around Swift like something out of Glee, but not as entertaining. The music and lyrics (which do speak to girls) were secondary to the sparkle and fireworks -- literally -- of the stage.

Fleshing out the princess theme, Swift even drifted just above the crowd in a floating balcony -- her eyes seemingly meeting the eyes of each concertgoer. My husband was sure she was singing just to him.

My 10-year-old girl stood rapt on her chair, taking in everything. Like most of the girls (except the 13 year old making out with her boyfriend in the row in front of me) she loudly sang along with each song.

I didn't expect Taylor Swift to make any radical, edgy, feminist remarks, but I also didn't expect Gidget meets the Little Mermaid. What an incredible platform for Swift to say something as simple as "Girls rock!" or something even crazier like "Love yourselves!"

Instead, she finished each song by looking wide-eyed into the crowd and noting how "amazing" it was that so many people came to the show and how "beautiful" everyone looked (incredible how she could see people with all those lights in her eyes).

Maybe my family got the vacuous experience we deserved. That would be true if it were just a benignly bad concert experience. The problem is that it was an insidious concert experience that emphasized everything but the artist's voice -- the flowing fairy dresses and saccharine monologues covering up Swift's real power. Covering up girl power.

The best moments were rare authentic ones with Swift's top lip a wee bit sweaty, hair oh-so-slightly disheveled, strumming "Mean" on a banjo and later "Fearless" on a ukulele. That's what we had come to see, but it was fleeting.

As the house lights came on, my older daughter, age 12 and a half, gave me a deflated, knowing look. My younger daughter was tired but managed to quietly gush: "I loved it." My son loved his glow stick.

I hope more discerning parents than us might think twice about Swift tickets. Better to have to explain the explicit sexuality of someone like Gaga and her "Born this Way" message than to have to undo the message of female powerlessness -- especially from an artist who is so fervently emulated by girls. If you have tickets already, perhaps you can prep your music lover. It's sort of like a game of I Spy: look hard and look deeply for Swift's voice. It's there, just buried in the fluff.

Speak Now tour? More like Speak softly and smile a lot.

 
A note to moms: If you're thinking about taking your daughters to see Taylor Swift as their first concert, and maybe your first show since the Indigo Girls in 1996, please don't. If you're thinking yo...
A note to moms: If you're thinking about taking your daughters to see Taylor Swift as their first concert, and maybe your first show since the Indigo Girls in 1996, please don't. If you're thinking yo...
 
 
  • Comments
  • 3,987
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Bloggers
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3 4 5  Next ›  Last »  (154 total)
04:19 PM on 09/20/2011
"Better to have to explain the explicit sexuality of someone like Gaga and her "Born this Way" message than to have to undo the message of female powerlessness". This is deeply sad, how can anyone look at Gaga as powerful? Search the net for early videos by Stefani Germanotta - her real name - and you'll find a power pianist and singer and obvious talent.

Isn't it a major sign of insecurity when you have to use a meat dress, 20 inch heels, sexing up your songs, and parading around in your underwear to get attention? Forget your talent, you have to shock people until the next shiny thing comes along and steals your audience.

Maybe you'll create a tragic story about being a misunderstood outcast in school (which comes as a surprise to all your friends), or say you were inspired by your poverty (while going to a private expensive Catholic school in New York). She's as authentic as the Spice Girls and fake feminism (just like an empty slogan like "girl Power") is just part of her advertising. She wasn't "Born this Way" unless she was born in 2005. I'm trying to picture Joan Baez singing in her bra and panties.

It's like Britney and Christina - going from sweet to sexy to skanky - when really it's whatever sells.
Swift plays the "Traditional Girl" and is mocked for it. Gaga is yet another "rebel" and hardly more honest; she's a mix of Marilyn Manson, Madonna, and Marketing
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
BigWillyG
11:18 PM on 09/07/2011
The author might want to hold back on the radical feminism because when her kids get to college and rebel they're because libertarians or conservatives like the folks I write with. Not everything is a political statement and going after things your kids love because of your own political issues is not terribly healthy.
06:24 PM on 09/03/2011
Okay, let me just say you have no idea how the concert went unless you went to it. My sister (15 yrs) and I (19 yrs) went last night in San Jose to watch her concert. My sister and I love her songs, know all the lyrics, and plain out love Taylor Swift. But after the show, we were really disappointed. I agree 100% with this article. Everything was so scripted and nothing seemed heartfelt. After every song she would look at the audience for a good minute saying "Oh my gosh" like she has never seen an audience that big. Haha please.. Allof her songs she performed as well, had too many back up dancers and sparks and just too many things going on in the background that takes away from Taylor. All i really wanted to see was just Taylor playing her guitar and singing and showing her true emotions. Instead of being all fake about that and trying to get a tear in her eye. It almost seemed like they lowered her mic as well so you cant hear her high pitched voice she had. She sounded pretty different than how she does in her cds. Overall everything seem scripted and my sister and i kinda changed our views on her. It was really disappointing.
photo
handsout
Why do they always need someone to blame?
09:24 PM on 08/28/2011
And somehow I dont think Taylor is voting for Obama, so I guess that is the reason for this review, right? How about the strive hard and you too can succeed at whatever you do message. Her parents moved to Nashville from PA and made SACRIFICES in life with no guarantees for Taylor. But in your liberal world, that doesnt work, so lets bash her.
08:42 AM on 08/27/2011
You complain about the makeup at the Taylor Swift concert, saying that it's sending the message to young girls, that you are not beautiful unless your face is caked with makeup, yet you would take your daughters to see Lady Gaga? Yes, Lady Gaga (and Taylor Swift) definitely promotes feminine power and being yourself, but have you ever seen Lady Gaga without makeup and other junk covering her?!? At least Taylor Swift makes herself look natural with makeup. Seriously, who would you rather your daughters idolize? Plus, at the end of the day, Taylor Swift's songs, theatrics or not, will be much more relateable for your daughters to understand. Lady Gaga has such complex songs that a tween will not totally understand the concept. Also, your article is entitled "Why I Wish WE Never Had Gone to See Taylor Swift." I understand you didn't have a good time, but it seems your younger daughter "loved it." Let it be. Children pick up on more than you think. It's very possible that your daughters DID pick up messages to Swift's songs and if not, they had a good time and that's all that matters.
08:26 AM on 08/27/2011
If you compare the dances and outfits Taylor wore at her concert to those of Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or even Selena Gomez, all of whom young teens seems to like, you would notice that Taylor Swift's are the least "risque." She doesn't show off too much skin. When girls see their idols, they want to be just like them. Taylor Swift fans tend not to dress as "slutty" with low cut tops and mini skirts, because their idol doesn't. I don't see how you think explaining the sexuality of Lady Gaga is better than taking young girls to see Taylor Swift. For the record, I am a Lady Gaga fan and she does have powerful feminine messages, but I also think her concepts are too complex for young teens like your daughters.
I'm not saying Taylor Swift isn't about girl power or writing about the real problems girl face in their life, because that is as true as it gets (she even says her songs come right from her diary), but she is also all about her fans. Those extra pauses and glances she makes gives her that connection with her fans.It makes her fans feel like she is singing to directly to her fans, which to a young girl, is the greatest feeling in the world.
I'm sorry the concert wasn't what you were hoping. In the words of The Rolling Stones, "you can't always get what you want."
08:22 AM on 08/27/2011
Lighten up Andrea. Don't let the media raise your kids. CoverGirl is the sponsor of Taylor Swift's concerts. They have free reign to have makeovers at the concert. That's where the parents come in and decide whether it is appropriate for their child to wear makeup. When your children see you put makeup on, aren't you sending the same message that "you aren't really beautiful until you cake your face with makeup."
I've been to many, many Chicago, America, Foreigner, and Earth, Wind and Fire concerts and those are set up to basically stand there and sing. Sure, the bands dance around a little and joke and talk to the audience, but contemporary artists don't do that much anymore. Going to a concert isn't just about the music.It's about the whole show: costumes, lights and all the other extras. If that's what you were hoping for, then you should have just sat in the car and popped Taylor's cd in the cd player. If you really wanted, you could even dissect each line of her songs and drill the messages into your daughters' heads.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
anugs
02:57 PM on 08/24/2011
Lighten up Andrea. Don't look to other people ie Taylor Swift or the media to raise your kids, that's your job. Just be happy they're enjoying this type of harmless, ("I loved it." you're daughters words) entertainmenet. If they ever ask for tickets to the next "gangsta rap" concert then you can worry.
11:12 AM on 08/26/2011
Wait, what kind of bozo argument is that? "I loved it" means its harmless? I'm sure Bristol Palin said the same to Levi Johnston after sex, yet, calling that innocent is moronic.
Kids and adults love whats bad for them: junk food, junk-food movies, and junk food pop stars like Swift. Promoting lipstick to 5 year olds is not my idea of "wholesome". I guess you're kind of superficial
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
anugs
12:14 PM on 08/26/2011
Listen Gwen, you got it all wrong. I do not support advertising that is directed at children especially this "Toddlers and Tiaras" stuff. Make up is not for 8 year olds. I suspect the majority of the people at this concert were teenagers in the 13-17 year old demographic. This is the age group that does use make up, and I think that this is the group that it was aimed at,you can't disagree with that argument. I don't know what type of music you enjoy nor do I care. If you think Taylor Swift is crap you are entitled to your opinion. Every concert that I have ever been to does the same thing they promote their product by whatever means necessary. Andrea as a responsible parent didn't let her daughter near the make up saleman, Kodos to her. At the end of the concert the little girl said "I loved it" good for her she enjoyed the sites and sounds of a major concert event, you took that statement out of context. It was not meant to convey that the selling of make up a this event was harmless. If I offended you I apologise but I am most certainly not a superficial person and I am offended by that statement. Wishing you a great day.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
meg tudor
02:17 PM on 08/24/2011
You tube is your friend. I'm 48 and in my youth I did not have the benefit of social media. Mostly just the odd appearance by my favorite band on a talk show and word of mouth from friends who had been to concerts. There's no excuse for your disappointment. You could have googled a few of Taylor Swift's concerts, including reviews of her shows and figured out for yourself if this is something you'd want to fork out the outrageous sum of $130.00 per ticket for. If you did not get Joan Baez or whatever 'message' singer you seemed to be expecting that's on you. And as to the make up booth-It's show biz. Show biz costs $$$. There is not a single top performer out there who's sponsors and promoters aren't out at concert venues doing what they do-PROMOTING their product to generate even more $$$. It comes with the territory.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
anugs
02:07 PM on 08/24/2011
Maybe you would enjoy a Lawrence Welk mash up... a one and a two and.... oops he's dead.

Lighten up Andrea, don't let other people or the media raise your kids, that's your job. Be happy they enjoy this type of harmless entertainment, and aren't bugging you for tickets to the the next "gangsta rap" crap that comes along.
12:40 AM on 08/22/2011
I don't think the point of this article was to say Taylor Swift is a poor entertainer or whether the quality of her concerts is substandard. I think this article demonstrates and reinforces the sexualization of young girls and their fixation of growing up before they're meant to.

Sure, some of Taylor's songs aren't entirely appropriate and probably your daughters aren't going to understand some of her lyrics until they're older but is it appropriate for a 5-year-old to be smeared in makeup? No. It'll reinforce in these young girls that they won't be good enough until their face looks as flawless as Covergirl can make them look because their faces are their most important asset. Not their brains or personality. Especially since Taylor represents Covergirl, her embodiment of "girl power" ought to mean that makeup doesn't imply femininity. Sure her lyrics don't mean that, but those makeup stands do.

Since she represents such a wide range of women, you'd think that she would be a strong face of feminism, even in its slightest forms. You'd expect her to be strong in her convictions, rather than tossing her hair around or staring doe-eyed into an audience, as if their applause were unexpected. I'm exhausted with her constant self-deprecation, she's talented and knows it. A strong woman would own that!
05:16 PM on 08/26/2011
I see your point of instilling the idea of "never being good enough" especially with advertising makeup. However, my little sister was with me when we went and she got the makeover and all that, but it wasn't about not feeling good enough with out it. It was about feeling like a princess, and adding to the sense of living a fairytale and having fun being a little girl. The whole concert was like a fairytale. Also the "staring doe-eyed into an audience, as if their applause were unexpected" is out of appreciation, and she is one of few artists that truly appreciate the opportunity that is in front of them.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
meg tudor
10:46 PM on 09/20/2011
ITA not to mention which Taylor has not been a Superstar THAT long-she is very young still and can remember I am sure when she WASN'T playing before huge audiences, she can remember I am sure when she was just a teenager trying to get record companies to listen to her songs. I don't know that artists who have been Superstars for decades aren't still a little bit amazed that people fork out big $$$ to come out and hear them sing. Not everyone loses that magic why should Taylor?
10:26 PM on 08/21/2011
You would have preferred The Sex Pistols, no doubt. Taylor Swift not dark and twisted enough for you?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
yourmuse
Perspective pries your once-weighty eyes
12:52 PM on 08/22/2011
Wow- totally the opposite of what the author had written.
Did you even read this article?
01:41 PM on 08/21/2011
Thank you for taking the time to take on a troublesome icon.
I sing Lady Gaga with my 6 year old granddaughter and she's gonna turn out great.
I look at Taylor Swift and Cover Girl and I DO NOT like that. Then I learn about her song writing and listen without looking and I would promote that to girls any day.
Taylor needs to get as real in the fame world as she appears in her head or she should be shunned till she does.
05:21 PM on 08/26/2011
How the hell is she not being real!? Lol she has more control over herself with fame than almost any other star her age. Enough so that people question why she's 21 and not falling out of clubs wasted. As for partnering with Cover Girl who cares? Take that away and shes amazing.
01:31 PM on 08/21/2011
How the times have changed, in my day if you wanted to see "empowered" women, you went to See Joan Baez, and Joni Mitchell..( NO they are NOT dead)
01:17 PM on 08/21/2011
Thank God I'm too old to have young children these days. Honestly, I wouldn't take my children to any concerts; it's WAY too expensive, and everything is too commercialized anyway. I don't know why you'd expect Taylor Swift to be anything but commercialized; everything about her is commercial. She screams "commercial." At least your 13 year old saw the truth; unfortunately, your younger daughter was too young to 'get it.' So, now you'll have to undo it.

Pity.