Re-framing an argument or a position is an under-utilized and under-estimated art. While there's always the option of taking a new look at issues or traditions, most people seem to get caught up in a routine of busy day-in and day-out lives.
Parents of younger children, however, and for example, are at a prime life stage for training themselves to carefully choose their words and frame "suggestions" in a positive manner. They know full well that constantly telling a child NOT to lick the spoon he found in the park or NOT to tease the dog only leaves said child with the clever idea of licking the spoon and teasing the dog. But, if they've done their homework, parents will know just how to re-frame their positions: Don't mention the spoon and the kid will get distracted by a positive comment about the fun swing set. Mention how much your dog likes sticks, just like the one right over there, and... there you go.
But, just as the playfulness and creativity of childhood is so often lost as people mature, so, too, are these very powerful re-framing methods lost when the kids are grown and the immediacy of teaching young minds is no longer. But, consider a few common issues for the average person, and it's clear how re-framing things could again be helpful:
* Don't worry about how ice cream makes you fat. Remind yourself that eating vegetables makes you healthy.
* Don't think about how badly the presentation went. Remember how well you connected with the audience over that one point, and start with that the next time.
I recently met someone on a consulting project who got to know my inquiring mind well enough to suggest that I might "appreciate" something called Appreciative Inquiry. The (very) general idea is that groups of people often settle into assumptions as shorthand cues for working together and then forget why they have been thinking one way for so long. Group members will then have trouble digging out from under those assumptions, unless they re-frame the issue(s). The AI theory posits: "Watching a long-held assumption be questioned and replaced tends to inspire people to question other long-held assumptions." And, a creative vein is opened.
In the marketing to women realm, where I focus much of my attention, a lot of re-framing is begging to be done. The difference in how men and women buy is not an extreme Mars/Venus question, in my mind, but it does involve a raising up and examining a few behavioral patterns -- all within a positive frame. So, for example, the issue in training male minds on the topic is not to focus on the fact that "men are so dense that they could never understand a woman's buying mind" - because that isn't the case. Instead, try asking whether or not the men, themselves, have noticed that the women they know think and communicate differently. Yes- they probably have. There's the opening to point out the nuances and make the exploration of this enormous market opportunity a more collaborative and productive pursuit.
In a similar manner, the voting public could go on and on about each mistake the Democratic presidential candidates are making, or bemoan sexism and racism ad infinitum, but what would happen if things were re-framed a bit? A whole new story might begin when the focus turns to what has gone right thus far (I'd say "however little" but then I wouldn't be appreciative...), and a discussion is initiated about the changes to make in the future, leaving out the name-calling or negative example-citing.
There are eight assumptions held in The Thin Book of Appreciate Inquiry, but the ones that particularly resonate at this moment in time (especially with regard to politics) might be:
* In every society, organization, or group, something works.
* What we focus on becomes our reality.
* The act of asking questions of an organization or group influences the group in some way.
* If we carry parts of the past forward, they should be what is best about the past.
* The language we use creates our reality.
The environmental movement, for one, is now successfully inspiring consumers to ask more questions, and its leaders are using accessible examples and language instead of negatives, fear and technical talk. It turns out that the general population has to feel like the little things they each do can help the bigger environmental picture. Such positive, collaborative messaging seems to have really helped the cause lately.
Even if the kids have grown, the powerful re-framing tools of parenthood shouldn't be forgotten. Ours is a society that needs to question long-held ideas and traditions, and allow for continual room to grow. Re-framing life through appreciative eyes may make a huge and lasting difference.