Postmodern life just loves a list, doesn't it? Offline we've got bucket lists and to-do lists and wish lists. Online? Listverse. Toptenz. Reddit. YouNameIt.
We love lists because they're a simple proposition in a world of white hot noise, and because most people living a postmodern life -- present company included -- cannot actually tell you, in 140 succinct characters, what that even is.
We kind of know what postmodern looks like: it's a tech-filtered husk that shines and also smoulders, tags but doesn't label, is social yet selfie-ish, individual in a compliant and homogeneous sort of way.
It's confusing.
So when evergreen lists about the most annoying things in modern life pop up in your feed, you can't help but wonder if they're either a) a highly clickable act of cunning or b) a curated attempt to philosophize on what it means to exist in the 21st century.
Difficult call, that one. But let's say it's the latter. Let's take these filthy scourges of the developed world (tech fails, last minute cancellations, and -- the worst -- people barging on the train before others have gotten off) for what they're clearly crying out to be: a digital download of the examined life.
Socrates said the unexamined life wasn't worth living. This isn't really a problem in the age of Instagram and front-facing iPhones, but even these two digital behemoths can't dent metaphysics. Ancient thinkers like Plato, Socrates and Aristotle, on the other hand, can still offer wisdom that guides us through the mire.
Here's how the smarts would deal with the worst things in modern life. In list form, naturally.
1. Socrates Hacks... Technology Fails
A frozen or non compliant black mirror is the absolute worst thing that could happen, according to "50 most annoying."
Agreed. And not surprising, either; 2014 surveys carried out by Pew Research Center and Go Globe respectively revealed:
- 90 percent of American adults own a cell phone
- 67 percent constantly check it for no news
- 2.03 billion people are active social media users
- 18 percent of these can't go a few hours without logging into Facebook
- 28 percent of iPhone users scan Twitter with sleep still in their eyes
Our addiction to online praise and our obsession with having a perfectly curated social media space isn't all that different from the ancient Greek Polis, where The Sophists wandered around selling proverbial soap boxes and teaching citizens the gift of the gab.
They called it rhetoric. And Socrates called them out.
The founder of Western philosophy was -- how to put this -- a nightmare. He questioned everything. He devoured detail. He slyly started conversations with the sole purpose of picking apart the interlocutor's intellectual vanity. His beat was "ask ask ask" until you arrive at wisdom and the ultimate truth -- which is that, in the bigger scheme, you don't know jack.
Funnily enough, Socrates nitpicked his way to his own death. But before that, he provoked the conversation culture that pervades social media. He left a legacy and an important message that resonates today: stop talking and listen. Kill off #selfies and start a revolution called #others, one with its focus on the outside world; that's where knowledge, wisdom, and the "good life" all lie.
2. Aristotle Hacks Canceling Culture
Non committal, last minute canceling is a soul destroying but highly popular activity. We know because a survey of Brits revealed that one in ten do it, and also because it sits high on the pet peeve list.
Self-confessed Plan Cancellers (PCs) have their reasons. Fine. Cool. Wicked. Aristotle urges, though, that the rest of us have expectations when it comes to managing interpersonal relationships.
In his hit best-seller, Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle depicted reciprocal friendship as the glue that binds entire societies together, as equally -- if not more -- important than justice and honor. He filtered relationships into three categories: pairings of mutual utility (meh.) those of pleasure (better) and those of virtue (bingo). The first two bend and snap in a weak breeze. They hedge their bets on a better offer. They cancel.
Virtue is the truest form a relationship can take, according to Aristotle. It enriches both participants' lives and leads to his ultimate end game -- happiness.
Was he too high maintenance? Maybe. But it wasn't easy to flake and keep friends in 4th Century B.C., so the guy knew when to call a spade a spade. Having expectations, or at the very least a taxonomy in this age where friends and followers bleed together, isn't bad advice.
3. John Stuart Mill hacks... other people
Most (the rest) of "50 most annoying things" are very much in the spirit of "Hell is other people"; middle lane-hoggers, doorway conversationalists, pavement cyclists and music without headphones are all name-checked.
It's an indication that, in the 21st century, we're still navigating the Social Contract's central question: how much do you let slide to peacefully co-exist in the collective?
Classical Utilitarian John Stuart Mill has some classical and useful ideas around tolerance. The thing to do, J.S. says, is to always step away from the source of annoyance and ask yourself, 'is this nitwit actually causing harm?'
If the answer is no, then you should tolerate them. And their loud train phone call. And the way they walk two deep on a narrow pavement. You don't have to like it. Or agree with it. But you shouldn't threaten or intervene to stop it. You just have to tolerate it.
On the face of it, and without getting too cerebral here, J.S. Mill's ethics appear to suck. But they make more sense when he explains that getting worked up and undermined by other people assumes infallibility on the annoyed person's part. Who's to say that the way you breathe or eat or walk down the street texting doesn't wind other people up to the point of frenzy?
In this case, tolerance gives everybody a pass. And for those convinced their way is the right way, well, letting others act out just proves your benchmark of unquestionable sanity and logic.
Give. rope. enough.
Andrea Maltman is a freelance journalist, writer, volunteer for Amnesty International and proud advocate in Get The World Moving's mission for healthy, human-focused workplaces.
She can be found tweeting at @AndreaMaltman