There is officially marriage equality in America. And all l I can think about is how I can now finally get married to Justin Timberlake (sorry, Jessica).
I am sitting here at my desk planning our future wedding. My head is abuzz, and I am frantic, receiving congratulatory texts and emails. The most recent one from my friend reads, "HI YOU CAN GET MARRIED ANYWHERE YOU WANT NOW AND I'M SO HAPPY AND EXCITED AND PLEASE INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING I'LL BE THE FLOWER GIRL THX LUV U." So it's a good day, right? Not only have I decided on my future husband but I also have a flower girl!
It's been minutes since the SCOTUS announcement, and I'm still trying to absorb this fundamental change in American society. As a 21-year-old, single male living in New York City, my entire future has drastically been altered.
Until now, I have never allowed myself to consider marriage. Whenever asked if or when I wanted to get married, I would either answer, "Not for me," or "Too foreign a thought." While I did actually mean those statements, it occurs to me now that my reluctance was related to the fact I did not want to allow myself to want something so significant as marriage, when there was a very real chance I could never have it. Why allow myself to long for the unattainable?
As people everywhere - both gay and straight - celebrate this monumental development, just in time for Pride Parades across the nation, I'm stuck with the nagging question of what this means for me now.
While the literal implications are clear - that I am able to marry a man - I refer to the subtle changes I must face cognitively. How do I approach my future relationships? Do I and should I be thinking more seriously about a long-term partner to whom I could say, "I do?" And in addition to this, will the men I date in the future be approaching their relations differently, with more seriousness?
I can now see Justin (in his Tom Ford suit) and I standing before the officiate. We are there to celebrate our love before all attending. I'm sure I will think back to this moment and laugh, snickering at my ignorance and immaturity. How could you ever have thought you didn't want this? I'd say to myself, admiring my dapper very-soon-to-be-husband.
And even now, writing this with a big smile on my face, I am reminded of already-married gay couples around the world that are in the public eye and who have provided inspiration and clarity to me even when I wouldn't admit it to myself. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. Matt Bomer and Simon Halls. Lance Bass and Michael Turchin.
At the same time, as all these incredibly joyful emotions are flooding me, I'm stabbed with the realization that this decision could very much have gone in the other direction. The verdict was 5-4. Those 4 justices represent how so much of our society is backwards and that homophobia is very much alive and well.
I put these feelings aside for now, though. I am too thrilled about my pending marriage with JT and the beautiful life we will live together. While of course he has yet to be informed of our relationship (I'll have to figure that minor detail out later), I am filled with excitement about the whole new world that lies ahead of me.