Ahmadinejad Invites U.N. Inspectors to Search for Homosexuals

Just days after asserting that there are no homosexuals in Iran, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today invited United Nations inspectors into his country to search for homosexuals.

"We have nothing to hide," Mr. Ahmadinejad said in a speech to the United Nations General Assembly. "You can search the entire country - even the airport bathrooms."

While some senior U.S. diplomats expressed skepticism about the Iranian president's offer to allow U.N. inspectors to search his country for homosexuals, Mr. Ahmadinejad attempted to silence the skeptics by permitting the use of "advanced gaydar technology" as part of the proposed inspections.

"In Iran we have the most advanced gaydar in the world and we are prepared to share it with you," he said.

In the immediate aftermath of Mr. Ahmadinejad's speech, it was unclear as to who would lead the U.N.'s inspection efforts, but most diplomats assumed that the task would fall to Mohamed ElBaradei, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA).

At a press conference at the United Nations, Mr. ElBaradei acknowledged that he had no previous experience searching for homosexuals, but said that if chosen to lead the inspection effort he would make sure that the inspections were "rigorous and thorough."

"The possibility that Iran may possess homosexuals is a serious matter to the world community," Mr. ElBaradei said. "There has been evidence for some time that Iran may be attempting to build a Broadway musical."

Elsewhere, President Bush made his first official comment on the situation in Myanmar, telling reporters, "I will support whichever side is easier to pronounce."

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He appears with Alec Baldwin, Arianna Huffington and Mo Rocca at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on Wednesday Nov 7 at 8 PM. For tickets go to 92y.org.

Comments

[Qbear]

Anyone who hasn't watched the SNL spoof of Ahmadinejad

go have a HUGE BELLY LAUGH, there's a link on Huffington Post to YouTube video.

TRY hiding that mega hit anywhere on EARTH...HA!

[research]

It's obvious they want a bomb, what nation doesn't? it's not obvious they are managing to make bomb grade material. The NPT from IAEC allows reprocessing as the Iranians are doing. Containment and negotiation is the best strategy for Iran. posted 09/28/2007 at 14:09:19
I don't believe either one of them! They are both fascist rapture religious fanatics! posted 09/28/2007 at 14:06:53
amagjdhfgsd is a strutting preening peacock. Nevertheless, Iran is a signer of the NPT and is allowing inspections. Iran is in compliance the IAEC rules regarding reprocessing of fuel. Iran is not making anything near bomb purity materials. Yet. I assume they want a bomb, what sovereign nation does not? The UN security council (all nuke powers) and I don't want anymore nuke powers in the world, but the barn door has been open a long time. Without a world fascist government it will be impossible to stop the Nuke club from growing. Of course the USA only makes it worse by threatening Iran and other countries. Our best strategy with Iran is inspection and containment.

[Liberterna]

Allow me to illuminate a bit of light on what he was saying.

Iran does not have a homosexual culture like the United States does.

Homosexuality (well, more like bisexuality actually) is quite ancient in the Iranian tradition.

Most Iranian homosexuals end up marrying and producing children (though I suspect sex isn't very enjoyable to them) and once their duty of expanding the progeny is completed, they frolich with their true lovers on the side.

This is not government imposed. It is cultural. the term for Homosexual in common slang in Iran is "Eva Khahar" literally meaning "Oh sister" (eva is also exclamation like wow) which is a stereotype of the flaming queen.

Gay sex is common place in Iran. It is simply not polite to discuss or talk about it. Let alone demand political and equal rights for men who are strictly homosexual.

The question to Ahmadinejad was with respect to Gay rights. And he is somewhat accurate in saying that there are no Gay groups or movement demanding equality.

Gayness isn't the only thing that is hidden and underground in Iran. Such other illicit acts such as listening to Rock and Roll, Watching Pornos, Drinking a Beer, Not covering your hair, are also "non-existent" in Iran as far as policy is concerned but in reality it goes on all the time behind many many closed doors.

Incidentally, I think we should be working a bit harder on getting our Allies Saudi Arabia to allow Women the extraordinary recognition that their brains are advanced enough to operate a vehicle.

Yet US never grills the Saudi delegate (no president in that land) with direct questions like that and then make a media circus out of it.

Could it be that Saudi Arabia's oppressive government has bought American silence with oil. While Iran having rejected American client statehood is eternally evil.

And now we have the horovitzes, Goldsteins, Silvers and Cohens of the media sing in a chorus, "look at the new hitler"

Forgive my skepticism. I happen to have a brain, unlike the sheeple.

[brooklyncitizen]

Excellent post.

In college I had several close friends from the Middle East, one from Saudi Arabia, and a couple were from Kuwait and Iran. The difference in the cultures was astounding. The Iranian and Kuwaiti were certainly free of some of the baggage that the Saudi friend was burdenned with.

She was the daughter of a Saudi diplomat, related to the royal family and had been educated in British boarding schools. Upon completing University studies she was dispatched back to Saudi Arabia to marry a cousin and was never seen from again. She was brilliant, beautiful and oppressed. She was indignant that as a woman she couldn't even drive in Saudi Arabia to get a tampon. We were studying Architecture and the dream of openning your own practice was certainly not a viable one for her (contrast with Iraqui architect Zaha Hadid).

She spoke of her mother's suffering within the culture and in our last year of college her mom committed suicide. Women in Saudi Arabia are still oppressed and have no rights yet this is acceptable to the Bushes just as the Taliban were also acceptable.

IT is dangerous to continue this bashing of Ahmadinejad as the war drums to attack Iran beat louder and louder. Given the last 7 years, America is far from the being the arbiter of human rights and justice.

[marko77]

Wilson33

Both W and Ahmadinejad are arrogant and ignorant. Being American, I'd like to have a President in Office who shows something other than stubborness and incompetence.

I feel sorry for the people of Iran, because their current leader is a religious zealot who will bring them nothing but suffering.

[brooklyncitizen]

You think they are suffering now? Wait til the Americans (bombs) show up to bring them democracy (which btw they had back in the late 1940's).

[HBeachbum]

Hans Blix: "no homosexuals in Iran...we couldn't find a single one".

[outnow]

All Fundies are homophobic by definition. Why else would you spend all that time on your knees. God is great but I spend my time just being thankful that I can be free from religion, which, by the way allows me to be spiritual. Rather than giving lip service to a bureaucratic middleman for the higher power, I pay direct homage to the Truth.

The power of common observation has allowed me to perceive things that are obvious to anyone who looks. I don't charge for the revelation of these insights. I just go around helping others.

Albert Einstein recognized that nukes were too hot to handle for the primate homonids that passed themselves off as human beings.

Great power chauvinism and the quest for other peoples oil are the problem. OPM - other people's money; OPO - other people's oil.

Hitler took the Maikop oil fields and was heading for the Caucasus oil fields. Japan had acquired the Dutch East Indies, which were oil-rich.

Given ever-growing U.S, dependence on imported oil and securing the state of Israel, we "need" a new war or two or three.

Aren't the neocons homophobic, or is that cherry picking to rev up the base. It's OK for Cheney's daughter to have a gay union and Mayor Jerry Sanders but not for others?

I just hope what happened to Hitler doesn't happen to us because of the issue of whose God is better or whether gays have a "right to exist." Wiping gays "off the map" is just as immoral as wiping Israel off the map.

Hypocrites come in all stripes. See ya.

[robotfog]

These days homophobes don't have the intelligence or co-ordination to wipe their own smelly behinds, nevermind wiping a perfectly beautiful segment of our population like homosexuals off of the map.

I am not being ironic or sarcastic. I've found a lot of good qualities in gay people such as intelligence and caring. Qualities that their haters will never have.

[lydia]

'In my upbringing we never openly discussed sex'. Normal hetrosexual behaviour was thought of as very very personal.
We were brought up to believe that sex was only during holy matrimony and for the procration of children.(Funny when you look back...No marriage no sex.)
Had I been asked then about homosexuals, in my naivety, I am sure I would have vehemently denied it's existence and shook my head as many of us in disbelief that pedeophila and the systematic abuse of our children were so entrenched in our Churches.
For Ahmadinejad, the sexual practice of homosexuals in his country is not nor ever should be on his list of priority. For the US to think the morals of the ME must be syncronized with those of the US is as equally flawed as the US attempt to 'bring democracy' to the ME.

[gpr-2007]

Great Article... I swear I was reading the Onion. LOL!!

Now, if libs are cherry pickin what Ahmadinejad has to say it would be par for the course considering cons and the Bush administration do nothing but cherry pick the evidence. Wow, the one thing cons and GOP'er are so good at it is accussing everyone else of acting exactly how they act and persuading people that they are innocent of such actions.

Its interesting what has become of the people of this country. We have plenty of opinions but by god we are not going to listen to or respect anyone else's viewpoint if it does not agree with our own. Civilized people respect the array of insight, I wouldn't call Americans civilized anymore. And you can thank your beloved Bush administration for solidfying that great divide we now have and how that divide has shaped us into disrespecting people. We can't respect foreigners, we don't respect anyone on the other side of the fence, and we don't respect our neighbors... Build a great big house that blocks out the sun, put up a great big barricade of a fence and start griping that the neighbors are too modest and too liberal.

[research]

The Fascist Repugs are the worlds greatest PROJECTIONISTS!

[DEMolition]

Hey Wilson33, do you actually read what you write before hitting the post button? First off, it's not a question of politics. A flat statement like what Ahmadinejad made is ludicrous on it's face. No homosexuals in Iran? One's politics have nothing to do with knowing what a ridiculous answer that is.
Second, there is no liberal crowd denying that Iran is trying to build nuclear weapons. What people object to is the sabre rattling of the Bush administration. You really need to think about what you say before you say it. Lastly, I have one question for you. Do you believe anything that our presdident says? Can you think of one prediction or statement he has made that was accurate?

[Beaux510]

Hella funny post.

"We have nothing to hide," Mr. Ahmadinejad said in a speech to the United Nations General Assembly. "You can search the entire country - even the airport bathrooms."

That's a line Tina Fey would feel good about writing.

Wilson33: I agree completely. Even the French don't believe his rhetoric, and they make most US liberals look like neo-cons. (ok maybe that's an exaggeration, but you obviously get the picture).

[commonsenselives]

Awesome, Andy thanks for the laugh, I really needed it!

[dcazal01]

Bush Have lied too

[avergejoe]

"Mr. ElBaradei acknowledged that he had no previous experience searching for homosexuals"

Some pointers -

check out kathy griffin fan clubs
check out mens public toilets
run contest to name anna nicole's baby
auction paris hilton memorabilia
place ad for massage
start nudist club
see who gets 'excited' watching super bowl
start boy scout chapter.

[IranianDude]

"There has been evidence for some time that Iran may be attempting to build a Broadway musical."

PRICELESS!

[dotmafia]

What I don't understand is, why are people asking Ahmadinejad certain disengenuous questions when the answers are already known, and they also know that he can't help but answer a particular way.

For instance, it is a known fact that homosexuality is considered a crime in Islam, and officially a crime under Shari'a law in theocratic Iran. According to the Boroumand Foundation, there have been at least 107 executions related to homosexuality from 1979 to 1990.

To question exactly why it is considered a crime there, is to question how the practise is perceived in the Islamic faith. To me, this appears that any question about this is obviously ignorant to the fact that in the Islamic faith, homosexuality is considered a violation of the supreme will of God.

To question why homosexuals are oppressed and executed in Iran is something different. While it is definitely a legitimate question to pose to Ahmadinejad, I also feel it is disengenuous of the questioner in that the Iranian president could not help but answer that question in one way. It must be remembered that Ahmadinejad is not the true power declaring and deciding Shari'a law in Iran, which only the Supreme Leader and the clerics can do. Therefore, asking him a question such as this puts him in a situation where he cannot help but answer the question except for the way he did.

I personally don't believe homosexuals should be repressed and executed in Iran, and I feel Ahmadinejad could have answered the question in a little more mature manner. However, I find the question put to him as being disengenuous, insulting and ignorant, as to question why homosexuals are oppressed in Iran, is to question why they are oppressed throughout every other Islamic country, and indeed, in the Islamic faith itself.
_

[MagisterLudi]

Yes,I believe there's a street in Teheran named
BroadJihadWay.

Currently playing.

"The Mullah of Oz"
La Cage aux Folles:Le Guillotine
Zoro the Islamic Blade
Rocky Mujahadeen Picture Show
Great Satan-ini
Four Islamic Weddings and one BIG American Funeral

Coming soon!!!!
Rock opera: Mohammed Ali Supersar: