Bill Clinton Acting 'Like a Madman,' Says Kim Jong-Il

Former President Bill Clinton is behaving "like a madman" as he campaigns for his wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), and needs to get control over his erratic outbursts, North Korean President Kim Jong-Il said today.

While the reclusive Mr. Kim rarely comments on U.S. politics, the North Korean president said that he felt "compelled" to speak out because Mr. Clinton's behavior on the campaign trail "had gone too far."

"When I see him popping off like that, I wonder if he knows that he looks like a lunatic," Mr. Kim told reporters in Pyongyang. "I really think the guy needs to dial it down a little."

As a head of state, Mr. Kim said that "it gives him the willies" when he sees other world leaders behaving in a seemingly unhinged manner: "I wouldn't want people who see Bill Clinton losing it conclude that we're all a bunch of whackjobs."

Mr. Kim's words found support from another head of state, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, who said that he, too, was "troubled" by the former U.S. president's "kooky rants."

"I would strongly advise Bill Clinton that before he opens his mouth, count to ten first." Mr. Chavez said.

But perhaps the most somber assessment of the former president came today from British singer Amy Winehouse, who called Mr. Clinton's antics "a desperate cry for help."

"Bill Clinton needs an intervention," Ms. Winehouse said. "I hope it's not too late."

Elsewhere, Iran called its recent encounter with American warships an "accident," blaming the entire episode on Mapquest.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Comments

[Jane22]

This is where I want my campaign news! Thanks, Andy. I always love your humor, but did you have to use Kim? Just call me anytime if you want my suggestions, O.K.? Thanks.

[oogabooga]

Asked what he thought of Bill Clinton's latest pronouncements, President Bush replied: "Duhhheeee, well, Ah'm still The Decider, an-uh it's really hard work. But we doin' everthang we can ta keep Merca safe from the terrish. Hic. Fight em over there steda here. Al-Qaeda an-uh Saddam hate our freedoms. We gotta bomb I-ran before they get the Weapons of Mass Destruction, like Saddam and al-Qaeda done did. Hic."

[MagisterLudi]

Ah, well if N. Korea and Chavez don't like President Clinton, HIS WIFE should just throw in the towel and hand the nomination to Barak Hussein. Surely.
Thank you blogger for pointing this out and thank you Huffpost for providing coverage of this important international development.

We need more election coverage like this.

On less important election news:

In California Clinton leads Obama 47% to 31% among voters judged likely to cast ballots in California. A third candidate, former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards, was a distant third with 10%.

[Democrab]

There, if Kim says it, that's good enough for me.

Gimme a break!

Obama fans are attacking Pres. Clinton like the republicans did when he was in office.

Anyone remember how disgusted we were with them for attacking our brilliant president?

Wel now you sound just like them.

All the Monica comments and sneaky put-downs can't change the record of his tenure.

He's campaigning for his wife and should step up his rhetoric.

Can't Obama take the heat from lil' ole Bill?

[Nic]

Anyone else campaigning vigorously for Hillary would not draw headlines. If Obama can't take the heat from a FORMER....not current...FORMER president, how will he react to the Rove tactics that will emerge? How will he be an effective head of state? Obama gets rattled when reporters ask him questions about Bill Clinton. Why? His childish behavior is an indication of his inability to lead. He should go back to Chicago and take a few more lessons.

[harmilco]

I don't understand why no one's even suggested that the reason for Bill Clinton's oddly passionate defense of his wife, including his red-faced attacks on Obama might be his secret (or not so secret) desire for a third term in the White House. The Clintons have a marriage based on mutual ambition and everyone is aware of that. So why not a "third term"? Hillary has never been able to control Bill's ambition (and his other passions).

[Purple Girl]

Whoa What a mind f*ck from the some little Dictators.
Is Binny coming out with a new video to add to the choir?
Frankly YOU ARE All NUTS (have no idea about the singer-possible in this day, aren't we all just a bit)
List the Leaders of the World and about 80% are Corproate sponsorsed meglomaniacs.
We need to DEVALUE OIL, worth far less than water, a real necessary resource.
If we are not careful WATER will be the only resource worth possesssing- That which should never be possessed! Hoarding such resources are crimes against humanity. All leaders should be held to that standard regarding any resource that helps mankind in their region- it should be something we all have the right to. Gold Silver etc- Rocks, with no use (open market).
Rocks containing energy should also be considered COMMUNITY PROPERTY- and managed as a collective for use OR NON USE!
Change the game- not just rules
If we do not begin to recognize the fact that we are a community dependeant on all the pieces that make it up- we are doomed, in a much larger scale than ever before in our history.
Our Planet has gone thru many mass changes- but this one will be on OUR HANDS.
Perhaps someone should write a book about how to destroy a planet in a hundred years.
Maybe that what is contained in those Three book- WARNINGS ABOUT WHAT NOT TO DO.
Ya know
Wrath, envy, greed, pride ,vanity, sloth,and guttony.

[Macready]

great blog . . . very happy to learn about these reactions to bill . . . hope the deluded billary fans take note . . . I suspect bill will get even loonier . . . if it weren't so disgusting it would be funny

[heyletsevolve]

Oh fer cryin out LOUD people!!

IT'S A JOKE.

Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. Everyone must be stark raving mad.

[tkk]

LOL

[tkk]

And every American puts so much store by what the dictator of North Korea thinks.

[findingthetruth]

If you had to defend these problems---


Norman HSU, Peter Paul, Jim Guy Tucker, James McDougal, Susan McDougal,Roger CLINTON, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Rose Law Firm, Iowa Governors $400,000 debt repayment,
Impeachment, Perjury ,"I didn"t have sex with that woman", Health Care(oh yea..now it wasn't her fault),Biggest lobby contributions, Travel gate, Web Hubble, She was against/for/didn"t know (the war), Middle class is someone making 97,000 dollars a year. (Reality Check), She calls full medical universal health coverage(MANDATORY even if it"s not affordable), Can"t give a straight answer, Attacks when she"s down. (Divisive), Howard Wolfson works for her(ENOUGH SAID), FIGHTING to hide documents in Clinton Library, the latest-----HIRING OF SANDY BERGER.

Well wouldn't JUST A FEW of those things send YOU over the cliff?

[definitelyNOTmisterRIGHT]

Andy, you are the best! Keep up the good word!

[steamboat]

Hugo and Kim could learn alot watching our campaigns. Like give-and-take debate and free speech. Something they don't practice.

[findingthetruth]

If Kim Jong-Il had to defend the following, he'd act like a Mad Man too:


1. Norman HSU
2. Peter Paul
3. Jim Guy Tucker
4. James McDougal
5. Susan McDougal
6. Roger Clinton
7. Whitewater
8. Vince Foster
9. Rose Law Firm(took work while Bill was Gov)
10.Iowa Governors $400,000 debt repayment
11.Impeachment
12.Perjury
13.I didn"t have sex with that women
14.Health Care(oh yea..now it wasn;t her fault)
15.Biggest lobby contributions
16.Travel gate
17.Web Hubble
18.She was against/for/didn"t know (the war)
19.Middle class is someone making 97,000 dollars a year. (Reality Check)
20. She calls full medical universal health coverage(MANDATORY even if it"s not affordable)
21.Can"t give a straight answer
22.Attacks when she"s down. (Divisive)
23.Howard Wolfson works for her(ENOUGH SAID)
24.etc.
25. THE LATEST-----Sandy Berger now advising Hillary Clinton
****The "establishment" will not forget THESE FEW "FUN GAMES" during the General Election.