GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) - BP officials said today they were "cautiously optimistic" that they had contained the flow of information about the Gulf oil spill and that no further facts about the spill would reach the mainland.
According to BP, a giant containment dome was lowered over reporters covering the spill, making it impossible for them to cover the true nature and scope of the disaster.
The success of that strategy, called Operation Squelch, was the source of much jubilation at BP headquarters on Monday, but company CEO Tony Hayward warned against celebrating prematurely.
"We think we have successfully contained the flow of information," he said. "But there's always the danger of leaks." More here.
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